I am a 18 years old college freshman. I go to a private HBCU and I am a lesbian. My mom has paid for everything I have so far and says that as long as she is paying, I have to do what she says. She is really noe ok with my being gay. She made me cut off my mohawk and take out my eyebrow piercing. She has paid for my car(2006 impala) and my college education which cost about 20,000 per year and she got my twin sister and I an apatrment. Next fall, I plan on going to a state school in another city. I really have no idea how I am going to be able to make it on my own. I was thinking about joining the National Guard so I could have money for college and I think it will make me a stronger person and I want my mom to see that I can do things on my own. Does anyone have any adivce on if I should join the national guard. Is there any alternatives and taking out loans are not an option. I want to go to a new city and be able to make it and not have to ask my mom for help.
2007-01-02 14:51:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hang in there with your Mom for a few more years. She is just trying to make sure that you have what she maybe could not have had. I am sure she wants you to be better off than she was. Most parents want that for their kids.
She seems to be giving you every opportunity to succeed in life, but you don't appear to want to take it.
If you let her pay for your education, you may end up with a better education, leading to a better job, and better pay !
If you do this, you will most likely never regret it in the future.
2007-01-02 15:44:49 · answer #1 · answered by Nota LGBT 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea about the national guard, other than the death toll in Iraq hit 3000 in Dec, so you might want to think that one through a bit more.
However, you are correct on one thing, as long as your mom pays your way, you are being held hostage to her control. So you either have to go it alone or suck it up.
Here's a free piece of advice. When I was 18 and getting out of high school, I thought I was in love with a guy that my parents hated. They made me choose him or them, and when I choose him, they threw me out and college was then out of the question. The guy disappeared in weeks. I am now 53 and the very worst mistake I made was not sticking it to them for a college education. I have never been able to go back to school for any length of time, and will probably graduate and go right into a nursing home at the same time.
You are very young, if you can get an education paid for by someone else, just do it. Your mom can't watch you 24/7, so live the way you want on campus and lie to her. Frankly, since she is playing the conditional love card, I think she deserves anything she gets.
2007-01-02 15:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not right that your mother is still treating you like a child. it's great that she seems interested in paying for you to have a place to live, a car, and an education. but i think it would only be fair for her to back off a bit and allow you to be independant to a point. no mother should be telling an 18 yr old how to cut her hair or what type of piercings to have.
she is essentially trying to bribe you, with college money, so that you will change and conform to be the person she wants you to be.. and this means that you can't totally be yourself.
i waited until i was 31 to leave the nest, and now that i have been out on my own a year and a half, i totally wish i left sooner.
sure, it's a struggle to be footing the bills all on my own, but the freedom and independance is worth it..
then again, i already had my degree when i left home.. a $20000 education is very important. and being in your shoes, i think it's worth it to toughen it out a year or two, or however long it takes to get your degree.
once you have that degree paid for, and are able to finish school debt-free, then you should be able to land a great job and then you can totally cut ties with your mother and grow your hair any way you choose!
obviously, leaving now would be tough. national guard could be a great opportunity to pursue, but that type of life is not for everyone.
i don't know what your relationship is like with your mother, but it may be worth it to have a little talk with her. explain that you are greatful that she wants you to succeed, but also explain that you feel it is unreasonable for her to continue to treat you like a child when you are in fact a young adult. she may freak out, or she may come to her senses.. hopefully, she will realize that you can still pursue an education even with some funny piercings or hair styles that she doesn't like.
bottom line, it's your life, and your decision. but you only live once, and you can only be young once.. so whatever you decide, make sure to weight the pros and cons and eventually make what you feel is the best decision..
i wish you the best of luck!
2007-01-02 16:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, let's back up here and be proactive rather than reactive. Your mom is in the driver's seat... you may not like that, BUT she's PAYING!!! Please allow this. Stay with your college plans . Right now, the most important thing you can do is get your college degree. Be relieved you do not have to pay for anything right now, this path will never cross you again. Your mom may not agree with your lifestyle, but she must love you very much to be paying for your car, your apartment, and your education. All the Nat'l Guard is going to do is put your butt in a barracks with some stiff, itchy sheets and a 4:00 AM wake up call. Take advantage of this time in your life... you are being given a very, very generous gift that most college students would give their right arm for.
2007-01-02 15:07:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a mother who sacrifices so much for you. She paid for everything and all she asked of you was to do what she said. It can't be so bad. A mother wants best for her children. Do you see it at all?
You can go and find a part-time job and live at a run down place; and if you have enough energy left, go to school afterward (that is if you have any leftover money to pay for school). Your other option is to join the military - which means they are much tougher than your mother. You have to obey every command.
I hope you make the right choice.
2007-01-02 15:04:14 · answer #5 · answered by childofGod 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Stick it out until you have a way of getting a job you would want and until you can be independent. It may seem impossible now but time is on your side. Be and stay coooool.
2007-01-02 14:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like a lot of college students, gay or not, you'll have to work, work, work and save, save, save to make it. Get a few honest working roommates to divvy up expenses. Skimp on luxury items. You have to decide if your independence is worth giving up a free ride.
You don't have to join the service to get money for college-- it's not the only way. If you decide to, God bless you for your service and stay safe.
2007-01-02 14:56:58 · answer #7 · answered by northernbornsoutherner 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why dont you finish your study first then you could move out and looking for a job so you could live without any financial support from your mom.
you should be happy that you'r mom cares about you.
2007-01-02 15:18:52 · answer #8 · answered by classy naima 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋