Please Help??

Question

Ok my mom died when I was 8 years old (I am 15 now) and I just had some new neighbors move in just over a year ago. And at first I wanted nothing to do with their parents becasue thats just what I've been like since my mom died. But as I go over their and "hang out" I find myself wanting their mom to be in the same room as us and to talk to us and play games like truth or dare and would you rather with us. And then if the two girls that I'm "hanging out" with get into trouble I feel like I want to get into trouble too. It's really weird. I also find myself feeling jealous when she goes and sits next to one of her daughters. Another thing, sometimes I feel like I just want to sit down with her and just talk with just me and her. I'm not sure whats going on, can someone help me? AND what shoud I do about this?

Answer 1

i went through that same thing when my father died when i was 7. what going on is that you are looking for a mother figure and since you are constantly in the presence of your friends mom you are looking to her to fill that void. you have to have self control. when you notice you are being like that you have to tell yourself that, that is their mother not yours. i went through counseling to deal with that problem. also you should reduce the amount of time you are around her. good luck.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You just need what you never had, and apparently there is no family member to step in to be your substitute Mom. Plus, this apparently happy family demonstrates to you what you have been missing almost half your life and has brought it to the surface.

Why don't you just sit down and talk to her? Ask her for a few minutes of her time alone. Tell her your situation and tell her how much you enjoy being in their home. Ask her if she can be your "surrogate" mom when you need to talk, need a decision on a prom dress, or just need a hug. I am sure she will be flattered. It is important that she understands your feelings and why.

She may say that she has more than she can deal with, but I doubt it. Most moms have enough love for one more daughter - biological or not. You are not asking for her money, just for a little time and an ear now and then. Just never ask her to override a parental decision of your Dad's - you don't want to place her in the middle of a family squabble.

Before you do this, talk to your Dad to make sure he has no issues with the family.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If you feel like it would be akward to form a mother daughter relationship with this person, you could try getting close with someone else who could be the same figure.

Do you have an older sibling you are close with?

Cousin, Friend, Aunt, etc.?

It might even help to hang out with a senior a little bit. They might only be two or three years older, but you'd be surprised how nice it is to just spend time with someone older.

I know this sounds crazy, but teachers are really good for talking. If there's a teacher you trust, it's nice to get into the habit of talking to them a little bit before or after class. Eventually you can form really nice relationships with teachers, especially when they become your former teachers.

Answer 4

you are missing what you never had... a bit jealous I guess... I think this would be a normal reaction as no matter how hard we say we hate our parents at times... they are key in part of our growing and nurturing and you have missed that opportunity in your life....

some moms have the ability to be a mom too anyone and others are more friends, etc.. she may not know what your going through... and maybe ask her is you could sit and talk.

You may also want to talk too your dad about finding a family counselor through your local church network, local community chapter etc... and try and get some one on one time with someone you can sit and talk with.

Answer 5

It seems like you really miss your mother. And you wish she was still with you. It seems like you are looking for that closeness that a mother and daughter feel together. You are looking to fill that void by getting it from your neighbor or your friends mother. My question is how far will you go till you get that need met? This is where I might get concerned for you because someone could take advantage of your vulnerabily and abuse you. or the other thing that concerns me is the fact that you are willing to get in trouble with your friends in order to get attention (even if it's negative attention.) This concerns me. My question would be is your father around? If he is then i would have a talk with him about your feelings. I would also suggest a good councelor to hear you out. Above all it's clear to me that you miss your mother dearly. Admitting this will help you to stop looking for attention else where. I would suggest you talk to a close relative like a grandmother or close aunt or godmother. Someone you can trust. It seems like you are willing to get into trouble just to recieve that attenion (love) You are getting it the wrong way. There are other ways that you can get it. better ways . Please talk to a councelor, teacher, or close relative. Take care. And I will pray for you tonight. Remember God is always waiting for your attention. Talk to him. Fill your void with his love.