Sorry for the adult content, but I really need advice!!! If under 18, please dont enter!!!?

Question

Ok, for New Years Eve my "so called" boyfriend asked to have me to have a threesome with a girl he knew from along time ago. We had done this before on one occasion, but since my feelings have grown, I really didn't want to do this anymore. He finally ended up convincing me. I got really drunk while he went and picked up the other girl so that I could go through with it. Anyway, it happened...and of course, it hurt me to see him mess with another girl. I ended up passing out on the bed. I woke up in the morning and he was doing it with her. I didn't say anything. I just turned over and tried not to cry. About a hour later, I grabbed my things and left while they were sleep. Do I have a right to be upset? Is this grounds for dismissal? I mean if I agreed to a 3some, that didnt mean he can do it with her without me right? Or should I not be mad because he already messed with her? Please help me! I haven't answered the phone when he calls since the incident. I don't even know what to say!

This is a previously posted question, but I wanted to get more feedback.
I have been with this guy for about 6 months and though I know it's very early, I have fallen in love with him.

Answer 1

Leave the bastard!!! Trust me if he loved you he wouldn't have done this, he's basically cheating on you infront of your eyes....making and treating you like a dog. You don't deserve this!!!
I understand in the starting that this happened your feelings werent as strong, you'd think his feelings would have grown too but I guess not, don't let yourself be disrespected leave his *** for someone that will care for you and if I can make a suggestion next time don't do this unless you know your feelings won't grow for the next person like this one did.

Answer 2

Ok so you agreed to a threesome and yeah it happened. But how in the hell is it ok for him to be screwing her while you're asleep??? What a jackass. I think this whole thing was just an excuse for him to do some other chick without having to feel like he cheated. So now what is the relationship them gonna be like? Is he gonna feel he can still have her on the side as a booty call??? I really think that you need to have a lil chat with him and let him know what you saw. And tell him how it made you feel when you saw it. If he has any decency he'll hear you out. just make sure you let him know that you don't wanna do things like that anymore. If he's gonna act like an *** about it I think it would be time to move on or at least have some time apart. So sweetie don't beat yourself up about it!!!! You are sooo not in the wrong to feel the way you do. You agreed on a threesome not for him to bone her while you were sleeping! It doesn't matter if he already did her, you agreed to a THREESOME!

Answer 3

Honestly I would say he had no right to engage without you, also it is quite apparent that although your feelings have grown his has not and you offer him a chic who is willing to have a 3some. It is a can of worms to open that door and I personally don't feel it has a place in a good relationship, only the partying relationships, in other words...if you want a quality relationship with someone who will love and respect you and not look at potential other sleep mates, you aren't going to get it in this relationship. And if you find someone else you like and he has potential, I suggest you don't do the 3some thing. It's better reserved for the light not going anywhere relationships. Now your guy is gonna get hard ons for other women and then convince you he wants you and her, but really he wants the opportunity to sleep with the new girl and not get dumped for it. I really think hun it is time to move on if you want more from the relationship....and proof of that is tell him you dont want 3 somes anymore, he will either ***** and moan and leave or say ok. If you can't trust him not to stray after he says ok, then you need to move on. And I suggest you only do that option if you have too much trouble letting him go now without asking him.

Answer 4

Well, you did agree to it, but that doesn't mean you don't have to forgive him unless you want to.

First, threesomes are not bad, and if done right, for the right reasons, with the right people involved, it can be an exciting, erotic thing that can actually bring a couple closer together.

If done for the wrong reasons with the wrong people (as you did here) it always ends in disaster, as your experience did.

First, from what you right here I have to be blunt and say you are both emotionally too immature to be swinging. One, because of jealousy - some think that jealousy equals love, or that the stronger the jealousy the stronger the love. Not the case. Jealousy is simply insecurity. Being insecure about your worth, to yourself and most importantly to others.

You say you did it before, but now that you are more serious you don't want to anymore. If anything, if your relationship was built on trust, and love, the more you know him the less jealous you should be.

Second, it's obvious the ground rules of the deal were not laid-out in advance, such as him not having sex with this other woman without you involved. You assumed he'd know this. Obviously he didn't get your telepathic message.

If there are no boundaries to play within, than there is no playing field. You don't know when your out-of-bounds and anything goes. Which it did.

Thirdly, you were doing this for him, for his benefit, for his own selfish reason. What were you getting out of it? If nothing than you two shouldn't have been doing it. Swinging is a couple's activity, that a couple enjoys together and both are getting something from it and have a great time. Swinging, done right, is unselfish.

For example, would he have a MFM threesome with you if you wanted it? I doubt it, because unless his fantasy involves you having the time of your life, than he doesn't get anything from it. Also, I'm sure from his maturity level that he is to insecure (jealous) to grant you the same privilege you've granted him.

Fourth, it is an ex of his. Not a good situation.

Fifth, he picked the girl without any consideration for you. And you let him. If you are going to have a threesome you BOTH have to pick the third, male or female. It has to be someone you both agree on and are comfortable with.

Lastly, one huge rule in swinging is: If it doesn't work for either of you, than it doesn't work for both of you.

If something makes you uncomfortable than you don't do it, and as a couple your partner should respect that.

So from here, if you want to work it out with him than you are going to have to start voicing your needs and draw a line in the sand with him. You need to quit being codependent and such a push-over. Yes, he took advantage of the situation, but your lack of communication as a couple was just an open door for this. As well as you being a push-over.

Answer 5

Going strictly on what you said and how you stated the story, I think you have every right to be upset. Agreeing to a threesome is not the same as the two of them having sex while you sleep. In these instances, all the what if's should be addressed ahead of time, and you should have some type of signal or word that signifies a crossing of boundaries, from all parties involved. If you really like the guy, maybe you should chalk this one up to poor planning and give him another chance. BUT, if he's always trying to talk you into things you aren't comfortable with, maybe it's time to move on.

Answer 6

ok just a little advise from experience. if he asked to have a threesome and then was so fast to go get the girl when you said yes, then they were probably already messing around before he even asked for the threesome. The other evidence is in the fact that he was doing her when he thought you were passed out. It's like he couldnt wait for you to pass out so that he could do her alone. I didnt hear you comment on even getting anything out of the deal do I'm assuming you didnt which makes it look even more like he was cheating to begin with. I say it is grounds for dismisal. Good luck

Answer 7

Personally, I'd get out of that relationship. You consented to a threesome, but as far as I'm concerned that party should be over by the next morning. Them getting it on hours after the fact and without you makes it seem like she is his girlfriend and you are the "third friend". I don't judge the threesome thing at all, but it's just that... THREE. Not two while the main squeeze is passed out. That's just my opinion.

Answer 8

First off you cant put three people on a two seater bike with out skinning some knees. Second if youve only been with him for six months and he is already wanting threesomes maybe he will never be able to just be with you. And this will always hang over your relation ship it wont go away if it bothers you this much. Even if you do talk it out and tell him it bothers you he will still see the other girl behind your back even if its not her it will be another woman.

Answer 9

I'm sorry for you, it seems that every time a man brings this subject up, he has already thought of messing around. I just feel they think they can convince you to have a threesome, that way you will consider it not cheating. Bonus for them. I think you have a right to be upset, besides, I can't see a man actually being in love with someone wanting to be with someone else. I say move on your way. If you have to get drunk to do this, it's not what you really want. Find someone who has respect for your wishes, putting them first above anything else. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Dump the jerk, he is completely an idiot to attmempt convince you to do this. And Sorry but you need a little more self confidence to stand up for youself. This is just one of many problems I see if this relationship was to continue.

I would also like to add that "in the morning" this was no longer something you agreed to; It wasn't a threesome, it was simply someone with a selfish desire to get more of something "he" wanted. Nothing you agreed to.

Sorry if your heart is broken, but better now than later--you deserve better than this boy. I wouldn't answer that phone either.

Answer 11

check this out, you should know to always trust your gut! 2nd if you guys didn't set any rules than you kinda put your self in this one. this really sucks for you though, really. i don't think you have the right to be upset because of the fact 1) you agreed with him to do this 2) if this is an ex hello, that's a red flag right there 3) you set NO rules! i think that if you can't get over this you should take it as a lose, sorry! but if you get back with him, do NOT do anything like this again if you don't like seein in! i mean maybe with some rules but even that is testy