How would you handle this? (Friendship advice)?

Question

I need some outside on a situation.

In the most basic form, I have a friend who won't stop complaining, and everything she's complaining about is her fault to begin with.

Example: She complains that her wedding looked terrible, her MOH was a b*tch, everyone involved did nothing to help, and she never got a honeymoon.

Reality: She moved up the wedding without telling anyone, giving everyone 2 months to get organized. Ninety percent of the wedding and reception were provided by friends and family, but apparently not up to her standards. However, if my aunt were to provide nearly $400 worth of food for the reception, I wouldn't be picky. Her MOH was an internet friend whom she had met twice, so it wasn't a shock when she didn't show. She moved up the wedding date to the day before her groom left to go back to England.

Basically, I just need some advice--how do you handle someone who just won't stop complaining, especially over things she caused in the first place?

Another example:

She says: her aunt is a psycho for firing her because all my friend wants is to be in England with her husband.

Reality: her aunt hired her when she couldn't find a job and didn't want to do temp work. My friend extended her vacation to 2 weeks without telling her aunt, and her aunt fired her. More of a shock.

I guess I just need some outside opinions. I know I'm not telling the whole story, but I want to know how YOU would deal with it.

Would you take a break from the friendship?

Would you tell her how you feel?

Friendship is a two-way street, and it feels like I'm just the sounding board. She can't keep secrets (she blurted out to my husband how upset I was that he forgot our anniverary, even though I had already discussed it with him and she was told to keep it 'between us'). Ugh.

Answer 1

Easy. When she starts complaining ask "well, OK, so what could you have done to make it different?" let her explain how it "should be" and then ask "well, if that is how you would have done it why didn't you do something?"
It can't always be someone elses fault. Challenge her to find one object w/in her complaint that she could have changed the outcome of. Allow her the opportunity to see that she can have an impact on her environment.

Answer 2

Just tell her what you said here. She should have counted her blessings instead of just complaining. As a friend, you should let her have a chance to tell her side of the story. All that being said, you must have known that you can't change a person behaviour. "A leopard never changes its spots." You could only advise her. "A friend in need is a friend indeed." All the best!

Answer 3

I'd tell her to shut up. There are more important things in the world than her and her 'wedding' problems. Ask her to donate some of her 'hot air' to doing something constructive for a change...(and yes thats how I really handle people...just ask my husband and my neighbor..)

Answer 4

Tell her straight up. I'm that friend. I'm the one who never stops complaining. And my friends look me in the face and tell me the truth. If I get mad, they know I'll get over it because our friendships are bigger than any dispute we could have.

If you are afraid to tell her to her face, write her a letter. But be honest. It's the best thing a friend can be.

Answer 5

Only one thing to do tell her to stop complaining its all her fault. She made the choice to move it up she has toleave witht he consequences of that action.

Answer 6

Tell her to shut up!! People like that don't accept any form of reasoning. If she can't handle your frankness, then let her be alone

Answer 7

2 choices. Be honest with her or listen to her complaining.

Answer 8

tell her shut up! your fault! bad dog!
then get a rolled up newspaper and hit her head

Answer 9

talk to them about it