can u help?

Question

my partner wants to have sex and dont get me wrong I do for sure but she has been raped twice in the past by her ex and even though she says that she is ok fro me to do whatever I want to her I dont think that she really is, I am thinking that she may have a flashback and scream....and I just dont want to ever hurt her at all as she is my baby and if I was to hurt her while having sex it would kill me so I am looking for advice as to what to do here, if we do have sex what should I do?? be gentle or let her take the rains?? and any other ideas incase she has a flashback...

thanks
Mitch

Answer 1

just take it slow...nd make sure tat she knows that she can pull out @ any time nd tat ur not forcing her 2 do anythin she doesnt wanna do...ive neva had sex myself so im not really tat sure how it works but mayb u could lke...um...just start kissing or somethin nd get her 2 make the first move tat way she is ready nd u dont have 2 feel bad cauz u didnt force her into doin anythin...:)

xxx jess xxx

Answer 2

Letting her be in control might be a good idea. That way she can go as far as she feels comfortable. You might not have sex the first time, but that's all right. Just be patient with her and let her do what she wants and what she needs to do to feel safe with you. If she does have a flashback, let her know that she's all right. That you're you and you aren't the bastard that did that to her. That you love her and that you won't let anyone or anything hurt her. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I would suggest taking things slow. There is a lot more to having sex then just sex itself. You can show her a lot of love, caring and support. Watch for signs of her pulling back. Caressing and holding really means a lot, more then most people think. If you feel she is at the point where she wants to stop, assure her that is ok to do just that stop. Think of it along the lines of someone learning to walk again…. It takes time… just let her know that no matter how long it takes her to feel safe with you that you will be there to support her every step of the way. I wish you both a lot of luck with your relationship. Most of all know in your heart if you truly love her in time you will help her over this hurdle in her life. And that will strengthen your relationship more then you could ever imagine…. To have someone feel totally safe means so very much.

Answer 4

First off, congrats to you sir, many people wouldnt give a second thought to it if they were getting laid so I applaud you, shows you are a good guy and there arent many left these days.

I agree with the earlier post, let her take control and let her say when she wants to make love, otherwise, if you wanted to surprise her, make it as romantic and relaxing as you can, candles and the like, just make her feel as far away from her old situation as you can.

Take it gentle, say nice things and just let you know you love her throughout the whole thing, and just be there for her afterwards as she may have things she wants to talk about with you.

Good luck and god bless ya both.