I'm almost 5mo pregnant and my fiance told me we are moving from oh to ca. all my family is in oh and i don't know anyone in ca, that changes a lot of things when it comes to having a baby, i want my friends and family to be there for the birth...and my kid to be raised around them...........WHAT SHOULD I DO????????????/
2007-01-02 12:21:27 · 13 answers · asked by Charity R 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
The first thing I would ask is "why this sudden need to go to CA?" Does he have a job there that requires him to move? Is this a new job, or a tranfer from his current job? If it is a new job, didn't he discuss it with you before accepting? If not, why not?
If you are to make a new life together, then important things like jobs, moving and babies should be discussed before making any major decisions.
If this is a new job, perhaps he could go ahead, get set up and make sure the job is solid while you remain in Ohio with a family member or friend until the birth. You have enough stress being pregnant, you don't need to add a cross country move into an uncertain situation to that.
I also have to ask, has he tried to cut you off from family and friends in any other way? Has he been verbally or physically abusive? Often, the main thing an abuser wants is to separate his victim from her support system so he has the upper hand.
I was a counselor for a rape and abuse center and this just sounds weird to me. Without knowing more, I'd say talk to him, then do what is best for you and the baby. If he's not trying to undermine you, he'll understand if you want to at least stay in OH for the birth.
When, or if, you eventually move to CA you can do so knowing you had the support you needed and that he is waiting to help you through the next 18 years or so of child-rearing. And, yes, you will make new friends in CA. Just be positive about the move when you make it.
Good luck and I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and the birth.
2007-01-02 12:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by momkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on how much you trust and love him!!!! You have to ask your self first how much you trust him. How much do you? You wouldn't be asking this question if you trusted him 100%? You can truly Love someone and be smart enough to know he can't be trusted. I moved from one location to another with my fiance 3 years ago further away from my imidiate family. I am still his fiance. It has been over three years ago. I'm not even pregnant. You could turn out to be a permanent fiance. My advice to you is don't go anywhere until you are married! I gave up my business, my income, and my life to be with some one that is a total asswhole. Once I relocated he started trying to take complete control of what I did and how I lived. Once he got me away from my family he tried and pretty well succeded in keeping me away from everyone that cared what happened to me. Don't be an idiote! Keep your options open! I have learned this the very, very hard way! Your family Loves you. You never know about him. Men may come and go. Your family will be there forever!!!! Please take this to heart. My family is all dead now. I wish I had listened to them at the time. LOL
2007-01-02 20:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by newbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you moving to CA? Does he feel that there are better opportunities for him out there as far as a career is concerned? Does he have family out there? This situation sounds way too familiar to me...
My brother and his wife were both in the military -- she's from OH and he's from CA. They were living out here in CA for a few years and my sis-in-law got terribly homesick. She wanted to go back home to OH. She urged my brother to go back to OH after my nephew was born. They lived out there for a couple of years, but my brother kept getting laid of from job to job and the only jobs that would hire him were at steel mills. I'm not sure how your family is, but hers weren't really into babysitting or helping out so she had to quit her job. They had 2 more children after that and realized what they had left behind in CA. Needless to say, they moved back to CA where my parents are helping them out tremendously. They have a house and my brother finally has a steady job.
Just talk to your fiance about and make sure he knows where you stand. There has to be some kind of compromise.
Just remember that you are starting a family with your fiance and it's about the three of you now. Sure, help from family is great, but you'll be fine. My parents both came here to the United States not knowing ANYONE. My dad was in the military and my mom was alone a lot of the time. She raised 4 kids and we still don't really have any relatives out here, but immediate family and we did just great.
Good luck!
2007-01-02 20:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by JoesWifee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one question i ask is how old are you. i think long distance relationships such as gonna be marriage wont work well. if you stay where family is you are robbing the father of his experiences with his child,starting his own family unit. ..sorry to say this but if you plan of marrying this guy looks like it time to cut more of the strings that are attached to your family. Thats what happens as people have to move away for what ever reason. Time for you to start your own family unit, Think of the child if he is going to be raised in a loving family unit doesnt matter where you live. There is to many children out there already bieng raised in single parents house. We all know that having two parents raising a child the better for all involved. Moving away from family doesnt mean it has to be forever just for know. If you have a very close family they will be there for you if things do not work for you and this guy in california. And as far not knowing anyone in California you will meet people, come one how would you not meet people in a state that has how many people. You will meet other people that have kids and it will carry on from there. Unfortunatly you will just have to send pictures of the child to the rest of your family as it grows.
2007-01-02 20:54:16 · answer #4 · answered by jhdjkhblpk;mvhyf nbjhghbmnbjgb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance TOLD you you were moving to CA? First of all, it sounds like you need to discuss more with him and not let him push you around. This is your life too, not just his.
But also, you do need to start cutting ties with your family and you will need to learn to not rely on them so much. You are having a baby~~ your family will be there for you regardless of where you are in the country. Yes, it is a long way away, but they will want to see this little bundle of joy, so they will make it a point to visit as often as they can. And you can visit them too.
2007-01-02 20:29:52 · answer #5 · answered by keri0426 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a would tell ur fiance that u would give birth where u are the now and after the birth when all ur family n friends have give there blessing and that then make ur decision on whither u will move there or not atleast then u wont have much stress about moving all ur stuff around when ur still pregnant
2007-01-02 20:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by mummy of 2gorgeous boys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about it. if this move is good for both of you or for work then it needs to happen. your going to get married and have a baby you need to make them your family. from the sounds of what you wrote i think you and him moving away is a good idea for you guys it Will help you guys depend More on each other instead of family. plus i live in Cali its not bad here i promise. i recommend you move some where around or north of the bay area cause the southern part of this state is over populated as it is . but we area good state. good luck.
2007-01-02 20:32:58 · answer #7 · answered by ~*These Blue Eyes Tell No Lies*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You family will always be with you where ever you go. if you love your fiance you both need to talk about this. If this move is for a career and will help your family the move needs to be thought about seriously
2007-01-02 20:26:30 · answer #8 · answered by loulou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to marry him and you are having his child, it's time to cut ties to the parents and family and make your husband and child your family. That's not to say that it won't be hard to have your support system close by, but you need to atleast give it a try if you really want this relationship to work out. You can make new friends in California and you can go home for visits and they can visit you too.
2007-01-02 20:26:23 · answer #9 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on why you are moving.... I also live quite a distance from my family and am due in June to have my first bub... My mum is flying up to stay with me for six weeks about two weeks before bub is due. Also if you do move have a look around for mothers groups etc.... before you leave so that you can meet people straight away.
2007-01-02 20:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by angelicrulz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋