Do you think i was too harsh on my daughter?

Question

Ok, my daughter is 16 and I caught her having sex with her boyfriend. At first, I gave her a 3-month grounding, but after 3 weeks I found out she was pregnant. I decided to teach her some responsibility. I kicked her out and she moved in with her 18 year old boyfriend. I told her she cant have an abortion and I will not help with financial needs and she must stay in school.

Answer 1

You could have been a little more supportive. I do think you were rather harsh, she is a child about to have her own child. She needs her parents love and support....

Answer 2

It's understanding the intial anger and frustration you feel. Unfortunatley you are one of the people she has know the longest and now you have alienated yourself from her in a time that she could learn alot from you.

In relation to the world you probably weren't that harsh but in relation to family ties yes. The world will give her a lot more h&*/.

Something I would urge you to do is help her! Give her information. From what you've stated is sounds like you did a good job of telling her what she can't do but you haven't offered any help (in fact said you're not offering it) and also haven't pointed her in the right direction, Okay so maybe you don't know yourself which way she should go--why don't you do some research. Whatever help you give her I'm sure she'll take. Right now she is very overwhelmed I'm sure.

Hopefully you did your job as a parent and taught her how to survive and be the best out in the world.---So what if she has to start a bit early, at least she's still got her parents, right?

Answer 3

No matter what you say to her, she will make her own decision. You are not supporting whether or not she has an abortion. You told her she can't do this or that. Well she moved out of the house because she couldn't live with you. You don't have a say anymore since she is not living under the same roof as you. How do you know if she is capable of handing a pregnancy? Maybe she isn't emotionally ready to have a baby right now. She does not have the emotional or financial support from her parents. Maybe she will keep the baby, have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. How do feel that you many never see your daughter again because you were harsh to her? Do you want your children to fear you? My dad was very negative towards me when I was growing up. I haven't seen him for over 4 years. He never met his grandson. He knows why.

By the way, I had an abortion due to health problems. Do you know how draining it was for me and my spouse to contemplate abortion? That wasn't first on our list. I thought about having another child but I didn't think about my health first. I learned from my mistake. My pro-life mom tried to talk me out of it. I didn't live under the same roof as her and she wasn't paying our bills, so this wasn't her say. I would never tell a woman to have an abortion. Its up to the woman to decide what's best for her.

Answer 4

I think you were a bit harsh. Kicking her out wasn't the answer. I agree that she shouldn't have an abortion. I also agree that she should stay in school. However, by kicking her out you are giving her permission that she can have sex with her boyfriend and not live by your rules. Like it or not, pregnant or not, she is still your teenage daughter. You need to tell her she needs move back home. You need to apologize to her and give her some responsibility. Let her live under your roof, but live by your rules, which means not sex with her boyfriend. I know the damage has been done, but she needs to learn respect for her parents. She needs to continue with school and also get a job to support herself and her child. She was adult enough to make an adult decision, well, she needs to be adult enough to take responsiblity for her life and the one she is bringing into this world. Keep in mind though, that she is still a child and needs a place to live other than with her boyfriend. Even though she has made an adult decision, she will still think like a child. Be patient, this is a hard time for not only her, but it will be a difficult time for you as well. Most of all, remember to love her. She needs your emotional support.

Answer 5

Hello. I think you should have been alittle supportive to her. She messed up. See, I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant (now 23, married with 2 and 1 on the way in April) and I was so scared . I woke my mom up about 2am and told her. She said to me.. and I rememeber the exact words.. "Oh Jessie.. God (not mean), Well... Okay, tomorrow we'll have to make you an appointment with the doctors. I wont tell your father yet." And well, after coming home a couple nights later, my father called me in the kithen and said" Jessie, do you have someting to tell me" I said no of course then she asked again.. I said "nothing" He sez.. "Jessie, are you pregnant? Why did you just tell me. Its not a good thing, but you know.. there is nothing we can do or say about it b/c it is done andover with.. it happened" And that was it. My parents was shockingly supportive all the way. They bought me everything I could ask for , for the baby. And along the way, they got excited. I stayed in school, got a job and went on to college. I still had my responsibilities. I never went out, I had a child, she was my resp. After having her, i matured so quickly. I was a mom, and I was happy. So I think you should help her. Not helping her is so mean. You are going to have a grandchild. When that child is born, youll be so mad at yourself for doing that you are doing now. Youll regret it. Youll love that child so much. Still tell her daughter she has HUGE responsibilities and still going to school. Shes so young, and she will get alot of help from welfare and a program called STEP. They paid day care for my child while I was in school/working. I paid 5-10 dollars a week, and at one point.. nothing. Help her. Support her. You are her mother. If you dont, well then you never had a mother daughter bond have you. not close? Cause if you were... youd be there for her. I never can thank my parents enough. I always look up to them for what they did for me. Ill never forget it. Your daughter should feel like that. Rememeber... I was one. Best of Luck to you and especially your daughter and your grandchild. (oh, and i do not beleive in abortion.. please dont let her to that)

Answer 6

i think that you were a little too harsh on her, Im 19 years old and im going to be having my first child, and well i couldnt be happier, my father wasnt to happy at first, but he accepts the fact and he knows that everything is going to be fine, what you actually should have done was sat down with your daughter, talked to her about this whole situation and then went about your conclusions, you should have helped her find a job, you should have helped her put money aside. Who knows if her boyfriend is going to stay there and be with her forever, do you actually know that. You have to think about the little things, and your daughter needs you more than ever, because well me, i need my father more than ever, and plus do you really want to think about whats going to be happening to your daughter and grandchild, if perhaps her boyfriend kicks her out or if he leaves her. Talk to your daughter, let her know how you feel but then explain that things are going to be very hard, she will by upset but she will understand. Please, take some time to think about this, she could really use you.

Answer 7

Were you too hard on her? Perhaps, but we all make mistakes don't we. Your daughter made a choice to have sex with her boyfriend. I don't know what you taught her in that regard or any of the circumstances, but she knows now by getting pregnant that she blew it. She is probably scarred and confused. Wondering how this is going to affect the rest of her life. Wondering if her boyfriend will actually stick this out with her, step up and really be there for her. Wondering a lot of other things, like Does my Dad(MOM?) still love me? She is probably feeling abandoned. I know this situation has got to be a tough one. It has happened many times throughout eons. Are you just embarrassed, angry, or what? Come to grips with what your feeling. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but PRAY, then forgive, then help. Your daughter needs you. Be there for her. Your demanding that she keep the baby? Are you prepared to help with the baby, your grandchild, while she finishes her education? You need family counseling. Get some help from others who have been in the same situation. I didn't disown my daughter when she got pregnant. Hers ended in miscarriage. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, I couldn't condemn her for making this one. God bless you and your family!!!!

Answer 8

I do understand that you are upset, probally because you think she is ruining her life, well with the way you acted and what you did, yes, she will probally be worse off. If you were to help and support her she could finish school and have the help she needs to still make something of herself. My neice got pregnant at 15 and because her parents supported her she doubled up in school, went to college and is now married to the father, and has another child. She also makes 6 figures a year, she would have never been able to do this without her family.. I think you should reconsider and talk to your daughter if you want what is good for her, you don't have to like what she did but you do have to be supportive!! Good Luck!!

Answer 9

I was pregnant with my first child at 16. Let me tell you, it was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I felt alone and scared, I didnt know what to do. I was only a child myself. The pressure of telling your parents, and being outcast by your friends doesnt help either. Your home is SUPPOSED to be your safe place...where you can be safe and comfortable. Your parents are there to guide you and love you through thick and thing, through ALL of your mistakes, and to be your rock. She made a mistake, she's young. Did you know it all at 16? I guarantee you didnt. You let your daughter down as a father, by outcasting her and not supporting her. If you wanted to teach her responsibility , you should have kept her at home, to help her with the baby and teach her HOW to be a parent. All you taught her was to turn her back on her child when it needs her the most. What happens if this boy doesnt stay with her? WHO will she turn to now that she knows she doesnt have you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Not only that, but the baby that she is carrying is PART OF YOU . Can you live with not knowing that child, AND losing your daughter? I suggest you reconsider, and get your daughter back home, be a caring father and dont be so goddamn closed minded. Shes your daughter, and you love her...no matter how dissapointed and upset you are now, you'll never stop loving her and you'll never forgive yourself if you dont fix this asap. Weither or not you like what i have to say, getting mad at me isnt going to help anything. Remove your head from ur a.s.s. and let her know you're there NO matter what. You took on that responsibility the day you became HER father.

Answer 10

Very harsh... She is only 16, she needs your support. How is kicking her out helping the situation, she is still pregnant. My mother was pregnant at 15 and again at 17, and my sister and we turned out just fine, she had her parents support. You can teach her to be responsible if you really want. I think you know you were too harsh if you are asking complete strangers what they think.

Answer 11

I'm sorry everyone is being so harsh to you. To me, it sounds like you reacted first and thought about things secondly, I could be wrong but hope I'm not. The best way to find out if you were to harsh on her is to ask yourself a few questions. How old were you when you lost your virginity (does this make you a hypocrite)? Do you want your daughter in your life? Do you want to know your grandchildren? Do you love your daughter? DO any of us truly know what is best for someone else?

Yes its a scary world out there, your daughter has learned that its not only out there but scary and lonely within her own family unit. We all have life lessons to learn, you are going to learn from this just as your daughter is, do you love her enough to be there for her? No one told you being a parent was going to be easy, could you have done it without your own parents support and guidance (if they gave it to you, if they didn't give it to you, were there times you wish they had?).

No matter what happens its not going to be easy. Healing needs to happen and a lot of it at that. You need to decide if you want your daughter in your life and if you do I strongly recommend some counseling for both of you. Good Luck!

Try and have a GREAT day!