Why are fertile people SO insensitive to the sub or infertile?

Answer 1

Because everyone is raised with the mindset that girls grow up get married and have babies... It is only those of us who have encountered any difficulties that can see it differently. People are really just following their preset ideals of life. We are more aware of their inability to see reality. It is up to us to educate them that it is not as straight forward as they think for everyone...

Answer 2

I don't think it's fair to put everyone in the same bucket simply because they are fertile or infertile or sub fertile.

I spent a long time dealing with infertility, and I truely think until you've either walked in the shoes or know someone VERY close that has had troubles you can't begin to comprehend.

While I do agree, because weren't all of us ttc without knowledge of troubles at somepoint in time. Where we thought we might be, and so we waited and waited for that + to show up on the test when we were late or we saw something different that month, afraid to see that -. Yet the difference is that after a year, or two, or three or five, or almost 9 we keep getting the -'s. We get told bad news, and find out we have to make choices.

I think it also depends on what you mean by insensitive. I don't think people intentionally go about trying to make others feel bad or down. I think it's not something we as humans really like to discuss with everyone or just anyone... our reproductive health.

And there is something to be said about your responsbility in the relationship as well. if someone keeps asking you and it makes you uncomfortable or feel bad -tell them to stop.

My in0laws kept asking despite our telling them, and finally we said that the topic was a hard one for us and we'd rather not really discuss it with them. We were haaving enough trouble discussing it between ourselves. If we brought it up they could ask questions, but unnless we did assume things were the same. They learnt that it wasn't right to be asking when they could buy gifts for our kids. We'd already told them 5 years earlier of our troubles.... it was what we thought, very inconsiderate. Maybe it was their way of asking how things were going-but I agree their are more tactful ways.

This from a SIL who got pg on birth control and a MIL who tried 5 years before getting pg. You'd think there would be more thougth before speaking, but we are all only HUMAN.

If there is one thing I know, this process- it makes you stronger. It makes you better and you can handle most anything.
GL in your journey.

Answer 3

I know your not suppose to answer with a questions but could it be that the infertile people are overly sensitive? Im not defending everyone because I dont know what has been said or done to you to make you feel that way but most people are sympathetic to those that cant have children. I had a friend that couldnt have children and went through years of fertility treatments just to keep being disapointed. I tried very hard to not do anything to offend her or her husband but it got to the point where they didnt want me to be around them with my children or didnt attend good friends baby showers etc. While I can only image how much it hurt them to see all our friends having children they hurt us by turning us away. We couldnt just pretend we didnt have children around them. When they were finally able to have a child tehy expected us to just come back to them like nothing ever happened. Of course, we did... they are our friends afterall but even they said that it wasnt us it was them the whole time. Again, Im not defending all the fertile people out there but I am suggesting that people who are unable to have children take a deeper look at the situation. Have a converstaion with the people that they feel are being insensitive: they may not even now they are doing it and if they do: cut 'em off. Take Care honey.

Answer 4

I guess it depends on what you consider insensitive. I don't know anyone who would go out of their way to make someone feel less than because of a lack or difficulty in conceiving naturally. I think because most people don't have problems with fertility, it is just natural to assume everyone else is the same. Just like you don't assume everyone is or could be gay. You might be with a gay co-worker and accidentally say something insensitive not knowing you've just offended the person you're with. Also, if people are asking questions, sometimes its just curiosity. I just saw this girl in my office get basically attacked with questions about her new hairdo. She's black and most of the other people in my office are not, so they were asking her all kinds of questions that most girls would be offended by, it was just b/c they didn't know. In this new society of tolerance, sometimes we say ignorant things in trying to learn about someone else and its not always intentional. If people are being intentionally mean, that's one thing, but if you are just more sensitive to something b/c it affects you, maybe you just want to take a step back sometimes and ask yourself if this person is really trying to be rude, or if they are just ignorant. Sometimes it takes someone patiently and nicely explaining something to make you understand that you're being insensitive, maybe you could see those as opportunities to educate your fellow man. :-)

Answer 5

Probably because we're clueless. It's doubtful that many sane people would go out of their way to purposefully harrass an infertile person, but at the same time, we don't know what it's like.. and so we don't know what would trigger hurt feelings in someone who is going through infertility.

Answer 6

Once you learn it will be hard for you to conceive the world changes. Just one thing can upset you more then it can before. So when are you having children when you are not trying does not hurt like it does after trying for 18 months!!!! I think we all don't think as much as we should when talking to other people. i have learned how to talk with people and learned that it is NONE of my business. Sometimes people don't know how other people live or what other people are going through so it is better not to say anything.

Answer 7

I must say that not all those who aren't infertile are insenstive towards those who are...

Everytime I read about a woman who has been trying to conceive in excess of 6 months, my heart goes out to them. I read about a woman the other day who has been trying for over four years, it brought me to tears.

I remember how nerve-racking it was for me waiting to test, waiting for the answer, I was so scared it was going to be negative. I remember how terrible I felt when it was, however, I was lucky the second go around. But I can promise you this, I would never want to feel that anxiety again.

The women that, month after month, have the courage, will power, and strength to continue trying despite all odds impress the ever loving hell out of me. I wouldn't be able to do it. Those women deserve to be admired and respected. Their ability to be able to forge ahead is second to none...

So next time, please don't classify us all on the same level...

Answer 8

Because until you are there you have no idea what it is like...how isolating and awful it is.

I dealt with it for two years, and I at least had one child, so I can't say I fully understand....the minute I found out I was pregnant I started to forget...I remember the depression, the hurt, the lonliness, but I can't really feel it any more.

Also, when you go through it you do become a bit self absorbed and begin to think it is all about you...at least I did.

Answer 9

fisrt of all not all fertile people arer insensitive. i ma very fertile and i know that if were ever told that i could not have children i would be the most devestated person. Thta's what i ever wanted in my life and ehre i am lucky ot be 22 weeks pregnant without even trying so yes i am sorry that somone has offended you but maybe they didn't mean to. maybe ehat you said offended them. you never know but i am very sorry to here that lyou cannot produce children but it does not mean that you cannot have one of your own. adoption is a wonderful thing. my sister has two children of her own and wants to adopt

Answer 10

because they have never had to worry about it. Why are smokers so insensitive to people with breathing problems?