My daughter who's just 16 has a good friend who's Asian...She brings him to our house which i don't have a problem with as he seems a 'nice boy'...My husband has issues with his colour and nags her constanly to find 'one of her 'own kind'...I do my best to keep out of it but it's difficult...i'm torn between the both of them...How would u handle this situation?...
2007-01-02 11:07:22 · 22 answers · asked by Susie2 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
unfortunalty i dont think u will ever change ur husbands views, he has probably grown up with the racism from his parents, it is like a lot of people who have kids of this age, they stick to there own opinion.
my friends brother is gay, and his father hasnt spoken to him for nearly 2 years, and he is 29 but his father just cant accept it.
i would just keep tellin ur daughter stay friends with this boy and try to go around his house more often (thats if u can trust him), that way u will not get as much confrontation, and life will be a lot more peaceful !
good luck hun.
2007-01-02 11:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by kitteekatt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, your daughter has obviously inherited a more open mind from you, so well done there. Father's and daughters are a complicated thing and I would imagine part of this is your husband's terror at losing his 'little girl'. As we get our own opinions, they start to realise they can't control us. Unfortunately, instead of responding by trying to talk to their daughters sensibly, most dads just repeat their opinions over and over in the hope they will batter their daughters into submission. That never happens! Your husband may not change his racist attitude, but in time, he'll realise he's wasting his breath and shut up. Even men catch on eventually!
2007-01-02 12:25:08 · answer #2 · answered by noisymilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a wife your first duty is to your husband.
If he, as the father, does not wish his daughter to be involved with any boy he deems unsuitable, that is his God-given right to censure her suitors.
Therefore, also as parents, you must stand united. You can explain to the daughter that you don't share her father's views, but as his wife, you must support him first.
Sorry, love, but your man is the head of the household- his word is law and you must respect him as your husband and an authority figure.
I'm not particularly racist- but if my daughter was dating someone I didn't like (for whatever reason) that's it- has to stop there and then.
Have you ever considered that it's not just the boy's race he's unhappy with (though that's his verbal reason) but other unspoken or unarticulated ones and that race is being used as a general descriptor (however narrow-minded and inarticulate) of undesirable qualities?
Talk to him- remember we men only have about 7000 words to your 20000.
2007-01-02 20:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by Ministry of Camp Revivalism 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youve raised your daughter right - she sees this boy as a friend. She does not see his colour like your husband does.
If your husband constantly nags - then think of the affect its having on your daughter. I hope she doesnt grow up being prejudiced because then the world (civil) will not accept her.
An open mind is a good mind.
2007-01-02 11:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell your husband that that Asian boy will end up going to med, law or business school and rake in a ton of money, and has a divorce rate 5 times lower than Caucasian marriages.
Assuming "Asian" here means Chinese, Japanese or Korean.
2007-01-02 11:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by naus 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
firstly as the mother it is your duty not to allow your husband to force his opinions upon your daughter you need to remind your husband that your daughter is a young women with a mind of her own. Secondly how can you be torn between them either you think the same as your husband or you don't.
2007-01-02 11:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by MEL 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she will,, as will her choices be effected by her fathers words and statements,,she may date someone who is not the same colour just to pee him off or she may decide she wants nothing to do with her father if one of these inter-racial relationships work out and it has to be his choice whether he is prepared to risk that.if you feel you support your daughter and her right to date whomever she chooses stand up and be counted,she needs your support if she is to understand she is ok to do this,,no matter what her father says,,you are her mother not a spokesman for your husband and your ideas on what is right are your alone as are her fathers and you may be married but you do not have to keep quiet,,,he doesnt ! if she is to choose someone from the millions she has the right to choose from she needs to know colour is nothing because it may not be your colour that makes her the happiest and she has to be open to that prospect,,this will come from you!
2007-01-02 11:19:32 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmm hard situation. He may have her best interests at heart as it could cause problems for them both later on. or on the other hand he could be a racist. You just need to support her in what she wants to do. good luck
2007-01-02 11:17:18 · answer #8 · answered by Liam M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He probably grew up in a racist environment. Its difficult to change. I am black, my husband is white and our mixed race teenage daughter has a white boyfriend. She has met his parents. All okay.
2007-01-02 11:17:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if your husband wants to see your daughter happy then he should accept her friend, NO MATTER WHAT ...she will come to resent him if he carries on like that......yes your right...he's a racist....now it's down to you to do something about it, you can stay with hm and put up with the embarrassment or get rid of him, imagine how your daughter must feel each time she brings her friend home, she must feel awful....what type of father could do that to his daughter...
2007-01-02 11:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋