How can I overcome this feeling towards Males?

Question

I was at Wal-Mart this Friday and I was looking at something when a guy walked by me and you know how you can tell from the corner of your eye when someone is staring at you? Well I felt that and looked up and to be polite when he said Hello I "smiled" and said hello and kept on walking. Well He goes "what is your name" and of course I was not interested (I'm married) and I politely told him that's not really something he needed to know so he proceeds to keep on walking after me (by this time of course I was freaking out) and he said "why don't you want to talk to me?" and I just turned around and said "I'm not interested" and went to where there was a group of people. This isn't the first time it has happened...I've went into another store and the guy literally followed me to the exit, thank god I noticed before I went out there and went to the cashier and asked if they had a security guard or something and he thankfully left. My question is...why do some guys do that? It seems like both guys were in their early 30’s. It really has sort of “traumatized” me because I get to feeling very uncomfortable when there is a group of older males near me. For example if I go to a convenience store and there are mainly men in there then I will just not go and drive to another one. Or when a guy says hello in the street then I feel like I’m rude if I don’t say hi but I’m afraid that if I am nice then I’ll be setting myself up. It’s not like I dress provocatively or anything either, I would understand then. It feels like at times it takes over my life because my husband is in the Military and so he’s gone quite a good while so a lot of the time if I want to go out somewhere I feel like I need to have one of my girlfriends with me.

Maybe my problem IS that I am too nice. Whoever said I don't have to please anyone has a point. I haven't looked at it that way. And for whoever said to say I'm married then I don't want to look like prick if all they wanted to say is hello. See? I feel like this issue makes me weird.

Sam,
Do you see what I mean people? Why do guys think there is chance we "secretly like" the attention? No I don't Sam. If I did, I wouldn't be asking how I can overcome this feeling. I know I shouldn't judge all because of a few. But it's just something I have to work out you know? I don't think it matters how public the place is...the fact is any person should be respected when they don't want to be "stalked"...It's easy for you to talk....don't ever judge someone without walking in their shoes.

Answer 1

acknoweledge with a slight nod and partial smile only and move on. I think by even saying hi to these guys you are giving a little affirmation for them to see if they can make a greater communication with you. Just be brief- quick- and be thakful for the hello. You need not initiate a hello ever. Ignore men who stare or try to make a move and just feel happy they look at you and find you attractive... because one day your looks will disappear! Age creeps up on every one of us!

Be thankful that you have a husband to be proud of- a man who is serving our country. You in a round about way are also... as you are standing by your man. When your husband returns tell him a stranger on the net says... thank you, it is appreciated.

PS i like the idea above of baggy sweats and no make up. I have always done this. Dress down.

Answer 2

This doesn't happen with every male that smiles at you does it?

Nor does it happen with every male that says "hi" or "how are you today" does it?

So don't judge all men by the habits of a few. Maybe those that you see as threatening are just trying to be friendly / sociable because you act as a friendly / sociable / approachable person yourself.

And you haven't really got anything to worry about have you? All of this seems to occur in very public places. If someone were to act like this at 01:30 in the morning at a deserted bus-stop then you would have something to worry about!!

And you won't ever be able to change the way others see you or react to you. If you are a babe you will just have to live with it. And if you don't like the attention this brings do not smile / look at / or react in anyway whatsoever when you do get attention.

Having said all that. Is there a chance you secretly like the attention? If you do you are precipitating these situations so ask yourself that question.

Answer 3

Why not just get to the point say to them that your married? Most will back down quickly. If you don't get to the point and say that, which means you really are completely unavailable, there gonna think your playing hard to get.

It's not there fault either, because they've been programmed by girls who do play hard to get, say hi, smile, then say their not interested, when they actually are and want the guy to keep pursuing. So a simple, "I'm married" usually puts the lid on it.

You should feel happy that your attractive enough to be desired. Not everyone has that luxury. Don't hate or have phobia against the guys for wanting to date attractive women. Be happy that you look good.

BY THE WAY: funny how everyone here is saying that guys who do this are creepy or primitive or stupid, when most women end up dating the kind of guys who approach them. Some women actually encourage guys to approach women if they like them.

Ah, the hypocracy.

Answer 4

You must be hot. There are millions of people in this country and some of that population is well disturbed in some way. Some people dont know what NO means or have no idea how to tell that someone isn't interested. He should have picked up on it as soon as you walked away. Be more assertive the first time around and remember that there are non-stalking men you can trust. You said you were married, if you are able to trust him, you can find a way to trust normal guys.

Answer 5

look , take it easy that was happening to me lots and I'm married to so i felt like every time i went to a place had to call my Friends or wouldn't go out without hubby so what i do now not immediately that a man smiles at u sm,ile bad stay serious with a serious face and use your intuition when u feel a man is looking at u immediately look at him serious and mean cause there are lots of sexual predators out there but don't be paranoid just be malice and if a man follows u again tell him that your husband is in the line waiting for u and if he doesn't want to get knocked out to leave u alone or tell him u will call the police and if he doesn't listen send the police on him good luck and don't in close your self life is yours live it

Answer 6

You just experienced what has been going on since the beginning of time, and I do mean the beginning of human time that is.

Some men have not been able to accept evolution so they let their primitive instincts rule their habits. They are driven by the same instincts as a dog. Not that dogs are bad they just do not control themselves because they lack intellect.

A more intelligent person would be cognizant of this behavior and act differently taking all factors into consideration.

So just be aware that when you are out in the world their are intelligent beings and then there are primates with less hair on them. I would also stay away form places like WalMart because they tend to be more like a human zoo.

Answer 7

I can understand where you are coming from. You know, not all guys are like that. I've notice that the ones who do are older like over thirty. I think it's because they are getting older, and they don't want women their age, probably because women their age don't want them. They become desperate, perverted, and anxious to find a date or someone to shack up with. I've had that happen to me a couple of times, they didn't follow me everyday, but it's like they don't get the hint you aren't interested. If you want to be nice about the situation, just say you aren't interested after saying hello, you can say you're married and everytime the guy keep talking, keep saying you aren't interested, he'll give up eventually, and if he follows you, walk into a crowd like you did and then report him to the authorities. It's not too hard to keep men like that away. Take Care!




Krazy Libra

Answer 8

Laurel,my answer is not to give you a solution,for as you so well know it is impossible to determine how others will behave.Instead, please accept the fact that you appear to be a lovely person and are being admired as such.Unfortunately some men just do not know how to behave or express themself,forgive them for that.By no means let that keep you from enjoying life to the fullest .If you feel need of a friend by your side 'till this uncomfortableness disappears do so,surely your friend will enjoy your company (remember you are a lovely person).

Answer 9

This is actually a healthy way to go about things. Men seem to think that following a pretty woman around will make the girl want to see him. It used to happen to me a lot when I was about 18-22 yrs old (and I'm not really that good looking!). Men like that are lonely, desperate, even dangerous. So if you have the tendency to attract weirdos at Wal-Mart, I wouldn't go out alone like that either... Wear your baggiest sweats, and no make-up. Just think of those guys as pathetic losers, and let them see your attitude. If they confront you, tell them quite bluntly that they're creeping you out and that they need to go away. It's sad that there are men like that out there, and that women have to be afraid to go out alone for groceries. But you do need to watch out for yourself. Your fear is in no way unfounded.

Answer 10

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