I would like my fiancee to be a stay at home mother and to have children and home school them. She thinks I just want to control her and keep her stupid. I didn't know she thought this until today when she blew up at me. She seems to have been more distant lately now I know why. I think I want whats best for her and for our society and future children. I am a very traditional man though I am an atheist, and college goes against all my values. I see college as sex drugs rock and roll, and an anti family anti mother, unhealthy world view. I love my fiancee but how do I make her understand my feelings. All of society her friends and tv and teachers and family tell her I am wrong. How do I show her I only want what I believe is best for her and to protect her from these bad influences and to give her the best life possible in which she can realize her true potential? What should I do. I want to save my relationship but I feel that by allowing her to go to college I would be failing her.
2007-01-02 09:59:21 · 17 answers · asked by Someguyonline123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Let her pursue her dream............
She can go to college online, for example, and you won't have to worry about sex, drugs, etc.
Maybe she won't mind staying in your hometown for college, and if she does that she won't have to live on campus.
Much of that what you call "negative college activity" occurs on campus.......... if she takes her classes and comes home she would not have to worry about that.
And what if something bad were to happen to you while she was a stay at home mother and she popped out four little ones........ You could become laid off from work or something else out of your control. She would have no real working skill and wouldn't be able to make very much money yet she'd have 5 mouths to feed. That is not good.
I know you want to feel important, feel like the man in your family, but I think she wants a sense of accomplishment as well. Personally, I think you should respect that, and there are ways that she can go to college yet not go against all your values.
2007-01-02 10:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Playa Hata 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you expect your fiancee to be able to home-school your children when she does not have an education herself? Are you aware that most/many states (if you're in the states) REQUIRE the person homeschooling to have at least a four year degree? You should be supportive of any kind of career your fiancee wants as it will only benefit you and your family in the future. If you truly studied colleges, you would know they are not about sex, drugs and rock and roll- that is a very ignorant point of view that comes from fear. Are you afraid of her going to college because she'll be more educated than you? Are you afraid that she will succeed in an area you fear you would fail in?
No matter how you look at anything, knowledge is power, and the best way to get knowledge is through an education. You need to think about how your decision will negatively affect your family and how you can open your mind more. If you can, you will be a better father and husband.
2007-01-02 10:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it the actual going to college to pursue an education, or is the part where she goes into society? If anything, they now offer programs that can be completely done online. She can stay at home while still fulfilling her goals. I try to understand your point of view, but you should not hold her back from what she feels is so important to her. If you make her feel locked up, she will look for a way out. Earning a degree online is a compromise. It's a split between the middle where you both get at least some part you want. Not all colleges are so evil though. Many people go to a communtiy college where partying is not as big a factor. She doesn't have to do any extra curriculum besides classes. She is there to earn an education, not to be turned against you or your beliefs. Just talk to each other on what is important to one another. Find a way that both of you can be happy. Talk about how you feel, but let her say her feelings too. Listen to her. My husband is traditional too, but he still lets me go to school. It's an important part of my life. I'd feel very frustrated and even mad if he told me I could not go. He is supportive of my goal to complete my degree. I love him and still respect his wishes. You must trust her with her decision. Be supportive. She will love you even more for it. She might resent you if you do not let her. If you love her, let her be herself. She is an individual with her own wants and goals. You guys will have a stronger bond once she discovers her own uniqueness and your profound love for her.
2007-01-02 10:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing I keep hearing you say is "I want, I want". You are more concerned with your wants than what she may want. Regardless if what you feel is "best" for her, she is her own person, and is entitled to do what she wants. College is not all sex, drugs and rock n roll. I am a 26 year old woman going to Community College, and I work also. Your need to "keep her at home" to raise babies, and what not is NOT a better life for her. If that's what she wanted, it would be one thing. She wants to better herself and get an education. Nowadays, you are not going to find a good, decent job without a college education. What if something were to happen to you? How would she provide for your two children? Do you think that she would be able to make house payments, bills, take care of two babies and herself all on a salary from McDonalds? No. And it is foolish of you to think so. Giving her the best life possible would be supporting her dreams, and being a good husband helping her raise your children. I know so many single mothers that work, go to college and still manage to take care of their children. Also, it is a proven fact that children need to be social to develop life long skills that they carry with them into adult hood. There is nothing you can do to stop her, though I would imagine from what you have written, you would probably threaten to leave her or something. If you love her, you need to let her be her own person no matter HOW MUCH you disagree with what she wants to do.
2007-01-02 10:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by candyyy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to go to college, then she should go to college. It does sound like you're trying to control her. She has to make the decisions for her life- not you. If she wants to be a stay at home mom and home school whatever kids you have, then fine- but if she wants to do something else you shouldn't try to force your opinion on her. If you're engaged, then you're probably in love and want to her to be happy. What you want for her might not make her happy- and you've got to accept that. I'm not going to go into how wrong the idea of you 'allowing' her to go is.
College isn't just sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It doesn't have to include any of that if she doesn't want it to. Would she be living in the dorms? Would it matter if she went to a University, or a community college?
So, you see her potential only as a mother and housekeeper? Being a mother is a great thing, but she can do other things as well. Maybe she has the potential to be something else.
Just to stress the point- she's an adult she can make her own decisions. She should be the one to make the important decisions in her life, not you or anyone else. You do not 'allow' an adult to make their own decisions.
2007-01-02 10:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by K S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wrong, by trying not to let her go to college wont fail her, but you will fail you. The quickest way to destroy any relationship is to force the other into your believes and doing something against her will. You have let your beliefs be known to her and she obviousily is accepting them as what they are, but she has her own ideas too and one of them is to go to college to better herself and build a better life for her family someday. Your ideas of college are out of date. If you want to keepyour relationship then you better see her point of view and let her go to school because all youre succeeding in doing is to drive her farther away from you. Only she can find her true potential as a person by her own way. All you really want is total control over her and society has no more need for that crap, so let her choose her own future and destiny or shes going to do it without you. The choice is yours.Good luck
2007-01-02 10:28:30 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, some people actually attend college to get an EDUCATION, rather than to party.
If she gets her degree now before having children than think of how much better educated and prepared she will be to home school. I know a woman with a master's degree who home school's her children. She is very knowledgeable, I wish she would have taught me. :)
Besides, most people can't get very far in the US without at least a bachelor degree. Do YOU have a degree??? If not, I hope you have a great talent or skill to support a wife and children.
2007-01-02 10:14:12 · answer #7 · answered by Jester 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want whats best for her, then you will let her do what makes her happy. School is not about sex and drugs....Many people go to school and raise a family at the same time. Also alot of woman work and have kids. We dont live in the 1940's and woman are not born to become a house wife and a slave to a man. If she wants to go to school then support her. In the end your just going to hurt your relationship with her.
2007-01-02 14:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by angel01182 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I beleive you are taking too much responsibility for her future. In a relationship, there is an agreement between two parties to cater for each others needs, and to support each other whereever required. In the case of her going to college, the evils of drugs, sex and partying are all negatives, what about the positives.... education, broadening of her mental horizons, making her a complete individual .... what about these positives. Besides, if you are affraid that she might fall victim to all these evil, then you have to consider if you trust her enough or not , if not then this would be root of many arguments and heart aches in your future as a couple.
2007-01-02 10:21:19 · answer #9 · answered by mabster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if she really wants to go to college, if it's one of her dreams, then you should set her free. You should call off your engagement and let her go because she will only end up resenting you if she gives up this dream for reasons that arent' hers, then find a woman who shares your values. By the way, college does not have to be about sex, drugs and anti family. If a person is half-way intelligent, they will take the good away from any situation and throw out the bad. In order to get by in the world, people need to be able to discern what and who is a bad infulence all by themselves, you would not be doing her any favors by sheltering her from this, how on earth would she be able to teach your children if she was unable to do it herself?
2007-01-02 10:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋