My closest friend has been trying to get pregnant, and has been through some meds and procedures- nothing is working yet. At this time another friend is pregnant and I am hosting her baby shower. I need some advice on how to be sensitive to the one having difficulty (she is on the guest list and to leave her off would cause people to question why). I doubt she will come. She seems to take it personally when others around her have babies- even strangers out in public. I know better than to discuss the planning of the shower with her. I can almost predict that once she gets the invitation, she will get upset and call me and make a point of reminding me she can't have kids (even though she's only been trying for a couple years and no where near being classified as barren) , and that she wouldn't be able to deal with it. I love her dearly and don't want her to feel any worse about this. Any advice???
2007-01-02 09:42:16 · 9 answers · asked by escapeinthepalms 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I'm wondering if we have the same friend! My good friend is exactly the same way and it's exactly the same situation. Not barren, young but has been trying for a couple of years now. If I were in your shoes and had a shower to plan and needed to invite her I would call her and personally say "hey, I wanted to give you a head's up that I'm planning a baby shower for so-and-so and I know you would feel really bad if you just suddenly got an invitation out of the blue so I'm calling to you let you know there's going to be a shower, you're invited, but I know how hard this would be for you so even though I'd love to have you there, don't feel obligated. I just wanted to be respectful of your feelings and to call you first". If I said that too my friend she'd really appreciate it, even if she was personally offended by the fact that someone else was pregnant and having a shower. (and she would be)
2007-01-02 09:50:37 · answer #1 · answered by 'tisJustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there ) where your friend is...I hated total strangers who were having babies but I could be happy for my friends after I got over the initial sting that someone else was having a baby and I wasn't.
You made one really insensitive comment "She's only been trying for a couple of years and no where near being classified as barren." After a year of trying (6 months if you're over 35) you're considered infertile.
Do you have any idea how hard this is......the tests are awful and invade the most personal part of your life.....the money is unbelievable and you have this cycle month.
2 weeks of waiting to try, then you try....then you spend a week and a half trying to keep your hopes down, when they keep creeping up...you imagine you are tired...your breasts hurt, you feel sick......then your period comes and you crash BOOM!!!!!!! Only to go through it all over again.....you go through that for a
couple of years" and see if you can minimize it.
Oh yeah, and idiots will give you advice...."Don't think about it and it will happen." Did I mention that you must take your temp first thing in the morning before you even move....but don't think about it. EVERY DAY!
Anyway, it is nice that you are thinking of your friend, but trust me...you have no idea how horrible this is unless you've been through it....it is lonely, it is dark and it is a rollercoaster.
That said, the world is not about her...this is about your friend that is having a baby....give her a call and explain you are giving your friend a baby shower and you don't want to upset her, but you didn't want to leave her out.
She's going to feel badly no matter what you do...until she gets her own baby....
2007-01-02 10:06:45 · answer #2 · answered by jm1970 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm. This is all too familiar to me. It took me 12 years to have my first one. I went through everything to do it but in the end... it's all God's timing.
Every woman is different. I reacted differently than your friend did but this I know, just be honest. It is such a terrible thing to endure when you want a baby so desperately. Tell her your dilemmia and how much you care about her feelings. Tell her you respect her feelings so much that you wanted her to be in control of how she handles it. I will say this. If she does come, do your best to steer away from the "When I had my baby" stories. That's is really tough. Maybe even have her help do something to get her out of that mix. The best advice I can give is to tell you to pray for the words you need and how you can support her in the long run. Good luck.
2007-01-02 09:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by 2hpy4wds 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about it before sending an invitation. Tell her that you are planning a baby shower for so and so but you don't want to offend her by not inviting her but you dont want her to think you are being insensitive about the situation by just sending an invite. See what she says to that. Good Luck
2007-01-02 09:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of sending the invite in the post, phone her and ask her if she would like to come, whilst reminding her that she is entirely within her rights not to accept the invite.
It sounds like you are a really good friend to be worrying about her like this, she is lucky to have you on her side!
2007-01-02 09:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
now and lower back i think of maximum adult men are sociopaths via woman standards. Or, in assessment, quite autistic (no offense to human beings tormented by autism). like the guy who reported: "I frequently attempt to no longer get to emotional approximately issues, its in uncomplicated terms a buzz kill in my ideas." pal grew to become into merely being hassle-free. Empathy is extra discovered than we expect of. Ever considered a baby pull an animal's tail? Or snicker while she pushes yet another youngster around, because of the fact she`s made some form of effect and have been given a reaction? i think of a great number of adult men on no account boost out of that. it is extra durable to realize traditionally male aims while you're empathetic. They get punished for it. reason they socialise themselves, with their %.-ideas.
2016-10-06 08:36:42 · answer #6 · answered by regula 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful. Just say that another friend asked you to help with her shower and you really could not say no. and then bring up the point that when she has a kid that you will all ready be expirienced with planning one. So basically it is a learning expirience
2007-01-02 09:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by ★ 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Before she has a chance to call you with her response, call her and tell her you totally understand that she may not want to come to the shower, but you didn't want her to feel left out.
2007-01-02 09:45:51 · answer #8 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just go ahead and do it. It is not your pregnant friend's or your problem. She should not begrudge this person a shower. She would want one, too.
2007-01-02 09:53:02 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋