Life is passing me by - how can I find someone to love?

Question

Im 38, male, gay, str8 acting non scene. have had only two lovers, my last was 15 years ago.Im a caring sort, but a bit shy to beginwith.Im tall, slim, blue eyes, clean, many interests such as music, movies, theatre, travel.Im not really one for nightclubs. How can I meet someone, just as a friend to start with.It all started when I was at school - my first love. My second and most meaningful love was when I was 20, but it ended 3 years later. Theres been no-one since. (Sounds so tragic !).

Answer 1

Start with yourself, friend.

FYI: The phrase "str8 acting" is almost always a big red flag signaling internalized homophobia.

Answer 2

Wow, I'm 44 (but look 34), gay, srt8 acting non scene who have only had two lovers; one for nearly 20 years. I'm 6'-2" brown hair blue eyes. Love all kinds of music and going to the movies. Pretty weird, huh? And no bull! I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment. What I need is a friend to start off with. I've gotten all the losers out of my life. Anyway, you want an email pal? my address is derekmccallan, and its at yahoo dot com. (dont know if they let me put email addresses here or not so you'll have to figure it out. Hey, good luck. It's not so tragic really , maybe a little sad (lol)

Answer 3

Im 33, and like you I had a problem finding someone new to be with. After two disasters (one left me in hospital in a very serious condition.) I was so nervous, I never thought it would ever happen. My future looked very bleak.

I plucked up the courage one evening, and decided to head down to my local gay bar. I was so sick of being at home. I ordered a taxi so that I had no excuses not to go.

Im glad I went that night. I met my new partner, and am as happy as can be. Next June, we celebrate our fourth year together.

So... what I am trying to say is this: don't give up hope of finding somebody. It will happen when you least expect it to. If you have a good friend that you can trust, then ask him/her to help you. You could even try talking to some people in a gay chat room. Mind you... regarding the chat rooms... be careful. Not all are genuine.

I wish you well with your situation, and hope that everything works out for you.

Answer 4

There are really good local community groups out there, look up your local group. Council websites are a good start. Living is about taking risks - the risk you have to take is to open yourself up to meet people. It is easy if you can find an activity that fits your personal interest (eg there is a lesbian and gay outdoor group, there are groups for music lovers, theatre and so forth). In spring the lesbian and gay film festival is coming up (if you are based in London), another good thing to go to and perhaps meet people. If I was you, I would phone your local Lesbian and Gay switchboard, they can tell you about groups in your area. Good luck - if you want to you will find somebody. ;-)

Btw... don't feel bad about having had "ONLY" two lovers. Not every gay man is a sex machine (nor wants to be one) Quality is much better than quantity. - so one of my best mates tells me!!

Answer 5

You have to be willing to put yourself out there. Like Liza sang in Cabert, What good is sitting alone in your room?

Join a support group, go to a meeting, make some new friends, you don't have to frequent bars. Join a community theater (not to push a stereotype, but hey, common interest). People know other people and one day soon you'll find that right someone who will see the wonderful you you've kept cloistered for so long, and all the things you've been longing for will happen for you. Believe in yourself. I believe in you!

Answer 6

Are you out to your friends and family? Often a great way to meet people is through friends (friends of friends etc etc).

You may also want to join new clubs and do the activities that you enjoy. They can be a great way to meet people with similar likes and dislikes. Learn new things, explore the things that you like to do. Either you'll find that great partner you're looking for in the process or you'll be so busy enjoying the things that you like to do you may not mind being alone for a short time.

Best of luck :)

Answer 7

the trick might be to focus on enjoying your life. then, if someone comes along, at least you'll be happy and fun loving. the scene isn't for everyone, and the scene can be very destructive and soul destroying. try a few night classes maybe, then you just might meet somebody through a common interest. just dont set your stall out too soon chuk, be cautious, but like i say, most of all, try to have fun with your life, that's the key, believe me.

Answer 8

hmmm. Well hopefully in your time of solitude you love yourself and you know what you want out of a mate and what you expect out of a relationship. I know it's hard to find people in your area, because i went through the same thing. I found my ex-girlfriend (which we are so called trying to work thing out, but that's my drama) on AOL chat line, but that was because I got a free disc to try their service. You might one to try www.downelink.com or www.facebook.com. I would go with downelink.com first. Hopefully you will be able to find someone in your area. Maybe just meeting new friends and going out might be good. I'm not a big club person either, so don' worry about it. I hope this helps a little.

Answer 9

Don't think of it as tragic as such.

I'm gay, totally non scene and had the same sort of issue. Now I used to chat to people on Gaydar (not for sex I stress) and I got chatting to somone local and it went from there.

I wouldn't say that Gaydar is really the place to meet people as most of them are just after sex but try other dating sites etc etc.

Answer 10

What's "straight" acting? Are you trying to disguise your sexuality, or are you simply confused?

Get on with life and discover who you actually are, not who you think people think you are!

If you then believe you're gay, follow that line, or not as the case may be.