I don't understand what is wrong with me. I really have no friends. I have a wonderful woman in my life, but I feel like I'm not worthy to have her. I have so many confidence issues and feel like I'm such a piece of **** sometimes. My girlfriend realizes that I have some confidence issues, but she has no idea how bad they are. I just want to make her happy. How can I be more confident? Can anyone else share their experiences with confidence problems with me because my issues greatly affect my relationship. I feel like I can't quite be myself. I'm not even sure what "myself" is sometimes because I'm so dull. I have a boring desk jobs, I don't have many hobbies (although I've tried finding some), and I am not a very funny person. HELP!
2007-01-02 09:14:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Oh how I feel for you! I am so familiar with feeling worthless and not knowing who I am and what to do! And beating myself up for it, just like you do! Actually, on new year's day, someone said to me: "Please stop apologizing for being alive!"
I found out towards the end of the past year (finally at age 33!) that my lack of self-confidence stems from a traumatic experience so early in my life that I could not possibly have remembered it. Just finding this out has changed my attitude towards myself... I started consciously feeling the pain from the past that originally made me feel worthless, and finally I could sympathize with myself instead of beating myself up. I realized that all my life I subconsciously have been pushing aside that pain, and by doing so I have not allowed myself to be who I am. Therefore, I did not know who I was, I did not know what I wanted, and I felt worthless. Now these things are changing because I have begun to love that deeply hurt little baby that I was and still am inside.
I'm telling you this because it might be similar for you. There could be a deep wound hidden in your sub-conscience. You may have repressed your true self together with repressing the pain from that wound. If you could love and forgive yourself like you naturally would love rather than beat up a baby experiencing tremendous pain, then you could free yourself. And discover how wonderful you really are. Your true, great and resourceful personality and your wishes and the things you want to do on the one hand... and beyond that how wonderful your essence really is, totally without any hobbies or friends or exciting ideas.
Maybe start from there, if you can. See that you have your issues for a good reason (probably due to some tremendous pain). Treat yourself like you would treat an innocent child in pain. And see yourself like you would see your own newborn child. Even without it doing a single productive or impressive thing, without it having friends or hobbies, you would see your own newborn child as this: The most beautiful, wonderful, awesome miracle in the whole world.
It's really true. That's what You are. 100% perfect exactly as You are now. God doesn't make pieces of ****, he makes miracles. I hope one day soon You and I will bow down before who we are, not because we are so stuck up about ourselves, but because we are so awed and humbled by the miracle of being who we are.
2007-01-02 11:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are sounding really depressed and if you are spilling out your inner turmoil on the computer, you aren't coping too well are you?
There are some basic books on building confidence that you could borrow from the library. Its all about affirming your competencies and challenging your fears, stretching your boundaries and yes, as you mentioned, getting to know yourself.
It is also very popular these days to have a life coach instead of a counsellor. That way you get a real face to face person who can guide you through the process of changing the way you are living. They have networks on line, look them up.
Go rock climbing or white water rafting - you know, something that will exhilarate you. Cut out any alcohol or drugs they are downers. Excercise; it releases endorphins. Start to feel better about you and your life.
p.s. you need to learn to not be clingy and dependant; no doubt the woman in your life IS a wonderful person, but I think that REALLY she is no better than you.
2007-01-02 17:33:12 · answer #2 · answered by asiwant 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have some problems and we cant always confide with people close to us on all the past experiences.
What is more important is to take stock of the things for future and forget the past so as not to ruin the future.
There is no point carrying the load of confiding-issues on your chest when there are better and meaningful things to do in life!
2007-01-02 17:58:45 · answer #3 · answered by SKA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your girlfriend likes you, you're good enough for her. As for having no friends, the word "friend" is subjective: there are probably many cases where two people who consider themselves best friends could be considered as not being friends at all.
That said, do some volunteer work! Even if your boss never gives you a pat on the back, there should be some volunteer work out there that'll make you feel useful.
2007-01-02 17:30:33 · answer #4 · answered by Steven F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are depressed. I suffer the same feelings but am on an anti-depressant which has made a world of difference. Please see your physician, depression is not to be taken lightly. Been there done that and it is no fun for you or those around you. Good luck :)
2007-01-02 17:53:54 · answer #5 · answered by Winwon (Cherokee Nation) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just relax,you are doing what i used to do and comparing your self to other people,and what the media(movies etc)portray as successful,you are losing ground for growth by worrying and dwelling upon this,accept what and who you are,I know for me I'll never be as good as I wish I could be in my head but you'd be surprised if you could read the minds of the people you know and meet,they are totally thinking the opposite,of what your seeing in your minds eye,heres the best way to get out of that funk....figure out 5 things that are important to you(love,being romantic,etc etc) and pursue whatever 5 things make you and her happy,once youve accepted this in your noggin,the rest will just flow out
2007-01-02 19:54:09 · answer #6 · answered by stygianwolfe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'the fact that you have a great girlfriend proves to me that you have something going for yourself .Otherwise she would'NT hang out with you.Your worthlessness is only perceived ,it is not for real . as a matter of fact :no one in this world is worthless
you might want to speak to your family doctor about this feeling of worthlessness it could be treatable
2007-01-02 17:47:08 · answer #7 · answered by Shark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The things you are thinking will come true. Stop thinking like that. Check out "thesecret.tv"
2007-01-02 17:27:47 · answer #8 · answered by Immortal Cordova 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋