How can I stop worrying?

Question

For the best part of 2006 I have been somewhat obsessed with my best friend and trying to be on better terms with him.

We haven't had a major fall out or disagreement. In fact we have spent so many good times together. He is so important to me and I care for him more than anything.

But every day all I can think about is where our friendship is going. In the morning when I get up, when I'm at work, when I come home, when I go to sleep - all the time. If I call him and he doesn't answer I think, where he is? Why isn't he answering to me?

I'm jealous as well. I want him all to myself all the time because I feel that's when we get on better. I don't think he realises just how important he is to me.

If we argue when we're drunk (happens a lot) then it depresses me the next day or week. If I talk to him about it he says "you worry too much and think about things too much". He's right, but how do I stop this. If I can, we can get on.

You might have guessed I am attractd to him

Answer 1

Understand that you're risking your friendship by this obsession, which is more than likely going to lead to smothering your friend. Just let it be--think of it as letting him be free to enjoy your friendship.

Answer 2

Hmm - you not worrying too much but...you ARE obsessing too much but you know you know that. And it's simply because 'you don't know where this is going'. If it's any consolation, I kindof in the same place... anyhoo, you really do just have to grasp the nettle and talk to him, tell him how you feel. Worse case, he say he doesn't feel the same. But know this, nothing will scare him off more than the obsessing about where he is/who he's with. Try and distance yourself from him for a couple of weeks, get your thoughts together then invite him over for a meal, cook him something really special, nice bottle of wine, and have a chat. You may find out he doesn't feel the same but at least you can say you gave it your best shot... and at least you'll know, and that is a really good feeling - you'll feel free from this bind you're in at least, I promise you. If he really is a good friend, he'll let you be to lick your wounds and you can carry on as before, aye things'll be a wee bit different but it could actually strengthen your friendship even more. Best of luck.

Answer 3

i know it seems hard but i think you need to put some space between you and this guy. It does appear that you have got some sort of obession for this person which is not healthy, the more time you spend obsessing the less this guy is going to enjoy spending time with you. so go out with some other mates, or even make new ones but try and stay away from your friend just in the short term. I dont know if this advice will help but give it a try you never know what the future may bring.

Answer 4

Because of your obsession with him he is probably finding you a bit overbearing. The best thing you can do is make more friends, do lots of fun things with and without him - if he finds you mixing more and the possibility that you may be moving on without him, who know what will happen. If its meant to be it will but if he doesn't want it to be you may well be wasting much time, energy and efforts, so please don't put all your eggs in one basket. Show him that yes you care but there are also other whom you care about as well and that you do have a life that doesn't totally revolve around him. As you become engaged with other friends and activities you will not have time to think of him 24/7. Good Luck - do hope all works out well.

Answer 5

You've got obsessional thinking my friend, the more you feed it the worse it gets! Try thinking about something else to take your mind off. Telling him how you feel might help too then if he doesn't feel the same way you don't be using up so much energy thinking about him and can put your focus on other areas of your life :o)

Answer 6

Eddie...is he gay too?...is the first question.

If he isn't you are on a collision course with unrequited love.

If he is you are on a collision course with 'Give me some space for crying out loud!!!'

This degree of neediness is not attractive in any relationship, and gay men are not so different from straight men..we all need our space and don't like to feel we are being forced into something.

Take a step back and put yourself in his place...then think about what you are going to do.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Eddie, yes it's obvious and that's why you are so worried. You want to be more than just his friend, and until you let him know that and get an answer from him on how he feels....well then it's just going to get worse. worst case he says he doesn't feel that way about you... you move on at least this worry wort feeling will go away. I mean and what if he does feel the same? well hey let me know how it goes. [e-mail]

Answer 8

I was the same way too, it sounds like something else might be bothering you. What I did to resolve my worrying problems was to go out places and be with other people, mainly people that I wasn't angry with/crushing over. It sounds like you need to get out more. Have some fun!

Answer 9

Watch Dr. Phil

Answer 10

You need to get a life. This guy is holding you back,you really need to stop this obsession,(coz thats what it is) You need to get a hobby or some other attraction otherwise it could jeopardize this friendship.