Im 24 years old, and im in recovery, i think that plays a big part in this. ive been clean for over nine months now. ive been with my boyfriend for eight years now. we've been through a lot. in the past nine months we've been fighting because he says im a different person, well i hope so, im clean now!!!!!!! im more independent and coherent. Well four months ago i found out i was pregnant. he was fine and now hes all freaked out. like im not. but i want to keep the baby. he is not sure if he has the same feelings for me, ( like romantic feelings) and that he needed some breathing room to figure things out. I told him he could have all the breathing room he wants. i don't want to see him or talk to him until he can grow the hell up. i love him with all my heart and i don't want to be with out him. but can't take him being mean anymore. am i an asshole for staying????? or am i a ***** for leaving for now??? what should i do???????
2007-01-02 08:24:13 · 15 answers · asked by bebaydancer 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am not a proponent of single parenthood, but nobody deserves to be treated ill by someone who claims to love them. People in abusive relationships should leave them if the antagonist refuses to seek help. You deserve to be happy, and if he's making you miserable and refuses to change, I admire your courage to do what you feel is best for you and your unborn child. Best of luck with the baby, and don't forget to take care of yourself.
2007-01-02 08:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by Fergi the Great 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That great that you are clean now! Congratulations! I think you made the right decision leaving him for many reasons. You are right that he needs to grow up and he shouldn't stay with you if he's not sure if he love's you or not. Having a baby is not a good reason to stay together. Is he clean? If not than there's another good reason not to be with him!
Always remember to do what is best for your baby and yourself. Staying away from whatever it was you were doing will be easier if you are not around it.
So anyways you are not in the wrong for leaving him. I hope you have family~friends and other people to support you. Good luck!
2007-01-02 16:34:59 · answer #2 · answered by flutter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right when you told him to take a walk and don't contact you until he does know what he wants. He needs a big wake up call about how life will be without you. No contact. He can't have his cake and eat it too by being single but being able to "visit" whenever he wants for a booty call. No chats on the phone everyday. Clean cut. He'll make up his mind pretty fast after that. Sounds like you might be better off without him. You are moving your life in the right direction, with or without him.
Good luck!
2007-01-02 16:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u made the right decision. if he is or was a user this may make your own recovery so much harder. i think u should surround urself with positive loving people. u need people who can be your support system.
i have seen what an addiction can do to someone. i know what going through a pregnancy is all about, so i know that u need other people in ur life to help u. good luck to u and God Bless. this baby is a wonderful gift.
2007-01-02 16:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's no longer just you anymore. You have to think about what will be best for child. If he doesn't want to grow up and man up, why waste your time. I always liked the quote, "Unless it's mad, passionate, Extraordinary love, It's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life Love shouldn't be one of them." If he can't stay clean you definitely don't want that around your child.
2007-01-02 16:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its good to give him a little time to grow up. If your clean and he's not, tell him he needs to clean up. Considering he is having second thoughts about being a dad I think it would be good for you to be strong and do this on your own for a while, If it was meant to be then he'll grow up and clean up and want to be with you and baby. Give him 2 months, see what he's going to do if he doesnt care to change then screw him!
2007-01-02 16:45:06 · answer #6 · answered by mcm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're doing the right thing, girl.
He needs to get his head straight and grow up before he can be a good father to your child. And if he's still using, he should probably stop.
Of course you have changed since you've been off drugs. (congratulations, by the way!!!) He needs to accept the change, and if that means he himself needs to change, than so be it.
You're not doing anything wrong.
The worst thing that could happen is you losing him. And if it's not meant to be.. than what can ya do?
You might even be better off without him, if he's been mean to you. Noone deserves that.
You need to put you and your little one first right now.
Good luck, future mama!
2007-01-02 16:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by exactoknifefight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on being clean!
That is the best thing you can do.
He doesn't need to be in love with you, to support you.
Give him time to breathe, and he will make the right decision.
Just remember to fill out the paperwork to get child support for the child.
2007-01-02 16:28:31 · answer #8 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you did good. You got clean and plan to stay that way. Maybe your sobriety and the baby will help him see things in a new light and get his own act together. Bravo for standing on your own two feet.
2007-01-02 16:27:04 · answer #9 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do whats best for you and your baby. Anyone who prefers you under the influence is not looking out for your best interests. Or the welfare of your child. Especially if he is not clean himself. Hopefully he'll work out whatever issues he has. Until then, the best decision is not to have him in your life. You don't need that added stress. Its not good for the baby.
2007-01-02 16:36:37 · answer #10 · answered by *karasi* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋