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My 13 yr old 8th grader attends a private school. She is a military brat so she's been to school in several states. She is a young 8th grader so technically is a year ahead. Should've started Kinder in '99 instead of '98. She is very immature and may not be ready for high school, but is definitely ready academically. She is an A/B honor student, currently has straight A's. My question, should we keep her another year, (her school offers honors classes at the middle shool) to let her emotionally catch up with her peers or do we let her go on and continue to struggle socially. most of her friends are in the 7th grade, has always preferred younger friends than ones in her grade. Will retention cause more harm since this is not for academics but for social maturity?

2007-01-02 08:07:15 · 13 answers · asked by duchessofaz 2 in Education & Reference Primary & Secondary Education

13 answers

I don't know. If every immature thirteen-year-old was held back, high schools would be full of forty-year-olds! Seriously, you could do more harm than good keeping your daughter back if she's academically ready for high school. She may well end up bored with her work, leading to her slacking off. She may also have friends in the year below her but she'll be used to her own class who will all be moving up with her.

The time to have kept her back was when she just starting school so messing with her schooling now could just leave her confused and bored. She will probably surprise you in terms of her maturity. Just because she comes across as childish to you in the safety of her own home, she is probably quite mature in the company of teachers and her peers. She may well just bond better with kids in the year below her because they are easier to befriend and she feels less intimadated approaching them when she starts in a new school after moving. It's not a sign that she's childish for her years.

I'd speak to her teachers and see if they're worried as well as your daughter herself to check what she thinks. But if everyone else is happy, you should just leave her be to go on to high school.

2007-01-02 12:44:08 · answer #1 · answered by starchilde5 6 · 0 1

Playing with other kids her age (7th grade) is not a sign of immaturity.
Moving around a lot has made it difficult for her to connect with her peers. Every new town and school has a different culture: style of dress, communication, social activities, etc. It is very stressful for a child to be repeatedly introduced into a whole new world.

If you hold her back, you will stunt her academic progress. Her self-esteem will suffer.

The best thing you can do is let her start 9th grade and stop moving her around. Tell her that she will be able to complete all 4 years of high school in the same place. This will enable her to form friendships and become part of the school without worrying that she may not be around next year.

2007-01-02 16:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0 0

I feel like if a child is academically ready, he/she should be able to go on with their schooling. Even though there are honors classes in the middle school, how would she feel about being held back?
She's probably not that far behind her grade in maturity level anyway, teenagers are teenagers. My brother is young in his grade too, he's in 9th grade this year. He doesn't have any social problems.
She will mature at her own rate. I don't know what the problem is. Are you afraid she will mature too fast? Or just be left out? Either way, as long as she is a social person, it seems like she will be just fine. If she has friends now, she can make friends in high school too. I always preferred younger friends as well, but in high school I made new ones, and then stayed friends with my younger ones and got to hang out with them also.

Have you talked to her about this? It seems like is something she should have an input in too.

2007-01-02 16:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. T 3 · 0 0

This assumes that high school requires maturity.

My high school experience involved little real emotional development. Its my opinion that people do not mature while in high school at all. There is more emotional hardship, if I can use that word. If you are afraid that if she is placed in that emotional environment she will cave in thats something to consider.

I know that her graduating early is good for her getting into colleges and for getting scholarships. Academically they look at high school grades only, and dont care what the pre-high school grades were.

Professionally and academically this is a negative, not a zero. In terms of emotional development its a zero, not a positive. Im not sure that I agree with your cost/benefit analysis of this.

You should think about getting her into a sport, or even a martial art. I have read articles including one in prevention magazine that describes both how bullies pick targets who give cues that they are appropriate targets, and how these activities build a solid self identity and confidence that chases off the bully long before there is a confrontation. That can mitigate some of the toughness of the high-school emotional environment.

2007-01-02 16:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by Curly 6 · 0 0

I held my daughter back. She was always quiet and on the shy side but her grades were good but I just knew she couldn't handle the kids in high school. Her friends were all younger and like your school system we had honors classes in the middle school and that's what she took.
Emotionally I knew and she knew she wasn't ready. We talked about it and she just said she wasn't ready.
It didn't harm her at all. The first day of actual high school after holding her back a year she said, "mom I am glad you held me back" she was pretty much in shock being in classes with some juniors and seniors. Some of the older kids kind of intimidated her but she learned to fit in. She was happy we held her back.
This may not be the answer for your daughter talk to her and some of her teachers. Also the guidance office at the middle school one of the counselors talked with us (my husband and myself) and then our daughter.
I really felt that by holding her back we would stunt her and effect her self esteem. But it really didn't. She's 20 years old now and living at college and doing quite well.
Good Luck with your decision with your daughter! I know it isn't easy. Best of Luck!

2007-01-02 16:57:56 · answer #5 · answered by ????? 7 · 0 0

If you are worried about her being immature, don't be. High school may help with that, but if you keep her back and she is getting A/B's she will get bored and likely get into trouble. Let her go to high school. You may also offer her a choice of sportsor other extra curricular activites, so she will meet new friends.

2007-01-02 16:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0 0

Retention should almost NEVER be considered, especially with a child that old. The latest research shows overwhelming correlations between retention and drop-outs. Emotional, social, and behavioral issues can be worked on, but retention will do far more harm than good.

2007-01-02 16:44:54 · answer #7 · answered by baldisbeautiful 5 · 1 1

well, if she is doing well academically then no, she may become bored and uninterested in school if you do this, and academic success is the reason for school. If she perfers a younger group of friends have her involved in extra cirricular activities that her friends participate in.

2007-01-02 16:17:14 · answer #8 · answered by Heather 3 · 0 0

you should try to get her opinion or get help in teaching her manners. if she repeats a level again and has already mastered it, then she might not care as much about school ,and thus, might not respect the teachers or students as she already knows the info being taught

2007-01-02 16:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by clock 2 · 0 0

Please dont retain her! I am a junior in high school, and not trying to be funny, but the upperclassmen expect the incoming freshman to be immature. Trust me most students mature in high school.

2007-01-02 20:53:59 · answer #10 · answered by betgirl08 2 · 1 0

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