How can a parent leave their children?

Question

My now ex husband decided 9 months ago he was not happy in our 10 year marriage and he wanted a divorce. When I found out he was actually sleeping with one of his employees I gave him one very quickly. He now sees his kids every other weekend. He is a good father. But I cannot understand how he can go from a full time father to a part time Dad. I feel as if he has chose the other woman over his kids as well as me. How can a parent do that? As a mother I cannot imagine doing such a thing. There is no one in this world that is worth losing my kids over. I even tried to make things work with my ex because I felt we owed it to each other and our kids. He claimed to still love me and that he made a mistake but he decided to move on with the other woman. Is it possible to be so infatuated with another person that you make decisions that you end up regretting in the future?

Answer 1

Your story could be mine only I was married for 18 years. My situtation is exactly the same. It is beyond comprehension. 6 years down the road my two (now in their early/mid teens) have come to terms with it. They have a good relationship with their dad but a far better one with me. They see that they come second to the other woman. They don't like it but they deal with it. It is sad. Having spoken to adults who went through the same as children, it is clear that as the children are able to figure things out for themselves, their opinion of their father was not so great but thought the world of their mother who raised them. Your ex and mine will regret their decision to be less involved in their childrens lives eventually. By then our kids will have moved on. That lost time cannot ever be made up. Totally incomprehensible isn't it?

Answer 2

The bond between you and your husband is broken. the bond between your husband and his kids is wounded. You have to move on. He made his choice. Staying in a relationship with someone he no longer wants to be with isn't healthy for anybody. The kids pick up on these things. Depression, unhappiness etc. These are all symptoms your children would feel from their father if he stayed. I ask you what is better a part time dad that is happy or a full time dad that over time would start to show all the symptoms. I know you are hurting. Believe it or not you are hurting much more than your children. It's really about you feeling betrayed. Not your husband leaving his kids.

Answer 3

Don't count on him regretting them.
Sounds like you are still very hurt and you need to move on yourself. No one can answer the questions you are asking, so you need to resolve that you may never know.
Be the best mother you can be to your children, never put him down in front of them, and make sure they feel secure enough in the knowledge that BOTH their parents love them.
Never, ever, let them think that he didn't love them enough to stay, they probably already feel that way and it will affect them for the rest of their lives, you can do a lot to take some of that self blame away from them, and by encouraging a close relationship with their father, you will go far in helping them become strong self esteem ways.

They will realize later on how much you did for them, and will love you even more for it.

Been there.

Answer 4

it is not a easy thing, cant live with a wife you dont love, and have to give up something, so you hope you area good father and love the children to the best of your ability, sounds like you are not moving on, and should seek counceling,

50% of marriages end in divorce, there are alot of kids out there that the father or mother just tosses them aside to get laid, not a ogod world,, so be nice to him for the kids sake, and tell him thanks for staying as part of the kids futures,,

my kids ( 5 ) survived our divorce and succeeded just well, we had to remain civil but I made sure the kids all were taken care of, just couldnt live with her anymore ( although she was the one who walked out )

Answer 5

Wish we could have met in the past. My ex was the one who cheated, and she tries everyday to think of new ways to prevent me from seeing my kids. They are my world, and what she is doing is unhealthy for my kids, and tears me apart emotionally. You are the type of gal I should have been looking for, but ended up with the wrong one.

Answer 6

he is to imature to realize the only person he is hurting is his children when they are grown he will regret he cannot take any credit for how great they turned out to be, just be a great parent your kids need you and he is the only one who will live with the regret of not taking part in the most important job, being a great parent

Answer 7

some men are very weak with women and there are some kind of women who use this weakness... I am sorry that your husband is one of them.
He loves his kids but this woman knows how to play ...

the main thing is that your kids are with you

good luck

Answer 8

Believe it or not, men are not really hardwired to have that bond with children like women are. That bond is an emotional thing. Guys rarely use their emotions in making decisions.
I commend you on your commitment to your kids.

Answer 9

He doesn't love you he said that because he can't be honest with you...obviously. Your future looks bright if you leave that bum in the past and move forward with your kids and your new found freedom.

Answer 10

That's the difference between an immature father who still thinks with his schlong, and a parent who knows who they are to their kids. He is still trying to feed a wounded ego.