ive got a lover and hes married?

Question

Hi there before you read this , im not a marrage wrecker, or husband stealer, i went into this relationship, well can i say , eyes wide open, ive being seeing my lover for a year , im 35, had come out of a 15 yr relationship, didint want to get involved, or serious with anyone , then i met someone , by accident , we becme friends , the lovers after a time , his wife, wha can i say , gives him a sexless marrage, buthe wont leave ehr, they have a 7 yrs old its not the scenario he wont leave wife till kid older syndrome , it goes much deeper, which i cant go into , we have a great sex life , fun with each other , meet up nearly every dayevery time he got even 5 mins hes here. we chat online , tex , call all the time every day even when he leaves here, tell me he luvs me , ive made a difference to his life , truly believes he luvs me, but ive got to stage what happens next , will he be with me years to come and leave her ... i just dont know i luv him also and im at crossroads ..

Answer 1

Look up and to the right. See that big red sign-- the one with 8 sides that reads S-T-O-P? Read that sign, do it and move on.

Answer 2

I can speak from experience as I was ONCE involved with a MM. I know there seems to be a lot of OT bashing; home wrecker titles, sluts, prostitutes etc. Considering the MAN is the one whom took vows before; family, God, church or state; and not the OW; that so many forget the major PLAYER is the MARRIED PERSON. It is not the countless women they have been so called SEDUCED, ENTRAPPED, VULNERABLE TOO: ha ha... BUT a general character flaw within the man/or woman; men are not the only married cheats. So to think that all OW fit into a neat little category (of not so nice names) without knowing the dynamics; is childish. There is probably a SMALL percentage of HOMEWRECKERS in the world; we women are more emotional than detached...far more likely is a MM playing someone PRIOR to involvement by OW...I'm legally separated; we don't live together; we have divorced., .and NO I'M NOT MARRIED... it is actually what these MM do best to initiate the affair in the first place; not the man hungry; home-wrecker women playing the men or trying to destroy intact families:)

DO what I DID:) tell him to file for divorce or leave you alone. You will be better off in the end; I spent 2 1/2 years thinking his wife really wanted a divorce; I SHOULD HAVE JUST asked her; a more honest answer would have been given.

Answer 3

I am daniel j's wife and for a 35 year old you are very naive! the fact you say you went into the relationship eyes wide open makes it even worse! i was told that when i was 18!!!! How do you know he and his wife don't have sex - are you in their bedroom with them? i doubt it. The difference is when i was 18 i didn't expect him to leave his wife or his cosy life. I am 22 now and have been married to my husband for 3 and a half years and we would never dream of doing that to each other. marriage is for life - and if he cheats what sort of man does that make him? Do you really want a man who treats his woman like that and risks his child's unhappiness?

Answer 4

You are fulfilling a need of his. He and you are in a fantasy world. He has a secure home with his domestic needs met. You supply the fun, sex and "good times".
That is your reality. If this is ok with you, him AND his wife, then by all means continue.
If, on the other hand, you want that same security and a family, then you must be strong and get rid of him. He is not the man for you.
You see, it is easy to get caught up in the "good times" when you don't have any of the responsibility. Right now, you don't have to see him everyday and see him from the angle that his wife sees him. DO NOT fool yourself into thinking that if he were to leave her and be with you that the "good times" will continue.
This man is obviously so weak in himself that he needs TWO women to function. He will end up bringing you down because he is not your equal. I hope this makes sense because if you convince yourself that it will be pretty and carefree if he leaves his wife, then you aren't facing reality.
Wouldn't it be great if you could find out WHY his wife doesn't have sex with him anymore? Do you think, if he is so into having sex with you, that he married someone who wasn't into sex when he met HER?
Think it through logically and imagine the 3 people in the scenario are strangers. What advice would you give someone in your position if you didn't know her?
Also, you need to come to terms with what kind of relationship you would like. As in, if you really, really, really wanted the whole family, husband, domestic home situation, would you be with someone who doesn't provide that?
You are in fear of something and I think that fear is one of failure. I suspect that you may have come from a divorced / "broken" home and you are scared of taking a chance on someone who IS available.
The truth is, this guy isn't available to you and that is a fact. If you want him for sex and good times, then that is what he can provide. Nothing else.
Oh, and remember that men will say some pretty surreal things to women in the hopes of getting their end away. It is lies. He is married to someone else.
Sad, but true.

Answer 5

I do believe that if he truly loved you you would both be permanently together by now. He can tell you anything about his sex life with his wife but you will never know the real truth, you will be his bit on the side for as long as you let him in your life. You deserve better dump him else you will grow old on your own. I would give him a three month ultimatum and stick to it you will soon find out if he is genuine. Dont be fooled by the tears and pleading actions speak louder than words please get yourself a life. Good luck to you I know it will be hard but worth it in the end believe me.

Answer 6

And you knew that he was married when you began this relationship?? You feel justified in having sex with a married man because he says she leaves him sexless??? It's your conscience and you have to live with it.. Just remember this, (AND I'M NOT TRYING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT ONLY OFFER YOU TRUTH), if he chose to stay with her while he's f**king you, it's because he wants to stay.. If, anywhere down the line, he does leave her "for you" you can bet that he'll do exactly to you what he's done to her.. (If I've got it all wrong then excuse me, I know there are always rare circumstances) BUT regardless KARMA is REAL, and any relationship built on a lie, is likely not to last forever... I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness and love, and once you DO find it, hold onto it.

Answer 7

Men don't usually leave their wives, apparently it's 9/10 men that don't leave so stats are against you. You'll have a long wait honey. I'd get of the affair now while you have some self respect/esteem left and find yourself a single man who will give you all the love and attention you deserve. You're worth so much more than a part time relationship babe :o)

Answer 8

It depends on where you see yourself in the future. Do you want to get married ? If so then you need him to decide what he wants - chances are great that he will beg you not to break up with him, he can't leave for financial reasons, etc.. You won't find someone else as long as you have him in your life. Will you be lonely for a while? sure. Will you be lost for a while? yes. But if you want to move on with your life better get going or you will wake up when you are 60 and he is still with his wife and you are alone and no longer able to have a family of your own.

Answer 9

And I guess that you are proud of yourself too. I don't know why you girls always fall for that same **** that these men are selling .You have got to be young,dumb,stupid,and very naive to have bought anything that he was telling you. He gives you 5minutes here and 5minutes there . It sounds like your easy to please.How many 5minutes do you get per day.? All I have to say is that you need to find a man that is not married and that is willing to spend more than 5minutes with you. stop wasting your time cause when his child is grown and out on it's own' he's just going to come up with some other piss Poe *** excuse to why he can't leave his wife.

Answer 10

leave him every 1 is going to tell you that why are you ruining his family you are both very stupid my unchel had a affair with my moms best friend he told her that the only reason he would leave was because of my cousin but he just wanted a little excitement he is still married to his wife not with her say leave her or I'm going every1 is going 2 tell you these you just want some1 else to say what your thinking how could you be in love with some one who strings people along and hurts so many has he said he loves you what if he does leave her what if he doesn't stay with you do you even want a committed relationship know why ruin a whole family on lust you need to play the Field he's your rebound and have you thought about what your doing to your soul

Answer 11

Hi June, I had the same problem 6 months ago. He said that he loved me and he did not love his wife , but he still lived with his wife because of the kid...blah, blah, blah. I trusted him. So I had sex with him and we really had great time together. Three weeks later, he acted weird. I called him, He never picked up his phone . Finally, he told me that he loved his baby and also loved his wife and that he couldn't live without them. I cried a lot. He did not care. He blocked my phone number. June, remember that :"when a guy wants to have sex with a girl, of-course he will say he don't have a good relationship with his wife. Because if he said he had a good relationship with his wife, the girls won't have sex with him". Period. Please don't fail into the trap as I did.