Trying to conceive with no luck?

Question

I know that everyone says to just relax and it will happen naturally, but it is easier said than done. Everyone around me is pregnant. Even my little sisters friends and girls in high school are pregnant, no of them which deserve or need babies..... Do you think that just relaxing after 2 1/2 years of unprotected sex will work out? I am out of options and absolutely exhausted...........Any help???

I think that I am ovulating regularly? I have the usual cervical mucus ( the stretchy egg white stuff) My cycle is 28-29 days.........I go to the doctor on jan 8th....wish me luck!

I have been going to the same gynecologist for three years and he says nothing is wrong and doesn't really talk to me about it. So I am going to a differ gyno now and hopefully he will have some answers!

Answer 1

I think telling a person who is trying to conceive to "just relax" is one of the most annoying (if well intended) things a person can do; it's a wonder more people who give that "advice" don't walk away with a fat lip, if you want my opinion. You know what? Not only is it easier said than done, but lots of people do, in fact, have llegitimate trouble getting pregnant...and no amount of relaxing will change that. That advice just belittles the entire situation.

Now that I've had my own little tirade, I'll give you what's becoming my stock answer for people who are trying to get pregnant. (Incidentally, I tried for a few years to get, and stay, pregnant, before things finally worked out for me.)

Go get a copy of the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler, and visit the forums at http://www.tcoyf.com. Read about what's required for conception to occur and learn to read your own body's signs to determine when YOU are at your most fertile.

Chart your own cycles. Go out to your local drugstore and buy a basal body temperature thermometer -- these are more sensitive than your regular thermometers that you use to see if you're running a fever. You should take your temperature every morning, at the same time; it should be taken after at least three consecutive hours of sleep, and before you do ANYTHING. Don't get out of bed, reach for water, even open your mouth to speak before you temp. Your temperature fluctuates in response to hormonal shifts; those fluctuations are subtle and if you chart them, you will learn your own pattern of fertility. Typically, your temperature will rise after you ovulate, and in many women it will dip slightly before you ovulate.

Learn to check your cervical fluids (also called cervical mucous) and check it at least once daily. It's quantity and quality changes during your cycle, and typically takes on an egg-white like consistency before you ovulate.

Learn to check your cervical position, if you can reach it and are comfortable doing so. You will feel for whether it's high/low, open/closed, hard/soft. This will also give you clues about your fertility.

If you're not charting or using ovulation kits or monitors you may not be having sex when you're most fertile. The 28-day-cycle/ovulate-on-day-14 myth is just that. Sure there are women with 28 day cycles who ovulate on day 14 but that's a textbook case and MOST of us don't fit that description. If I had sex in accordance with that idea of fertility I'd still be trying to have kids.

If you are doing those things already and know your timing has been right you should call your OB/GYN and get a referral for a reproductive endocrinologist, who is a specialist in the field and will be far more knowledgeable than your run of the mill OB would ever be. More likely than not, an OB would give you a prescription for Clomid, tell you to take it, and send you on your way.....without any tests, without any monitoring (and with any fertility drug, you shouldn't be on it without being monitored).

If you're not yet charting your cycles or using an ovulation monitor or ovulation predictor kits, please, please start to. This will help you tremendously. First of all, you will maximize your chance of getting pregnant. Second of all, IF something is amiss, it will arm you with knowledge about your body, so you can go to the doctor having already some sense of what may be a problem (ie if you're not ovulating, or if you have irregular cycles, or if your luteal phase (the number of days between when you ovulate and when you start to bleed) is short...etc.)

Generally, a doctor would want to see you if you've been trying for one year with no success, or for six months if you're older than 35; since you've been trying for so long, even though it sounds like your timing could have been completely wrong, I'd get the ball rolling, get a referral, and try to schedule an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. That can all take a while, and in the meantime, chart your cycles and learn your body!

If you know all this already, I'm sorry for being redundant -- goodness knows I don't mean to sound condescending.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Hi Elizabeth! I dealt with infertility for 10 years before I finally had my miracle child, and there is nothing that "relaxing" would have fixed. My tubes would not unblock themselves because I relaxed! Best bet is to IGNORE them. There is something to be said for being in a relaxed state when ttc, but when you've been trying as long as you have, there is certainly an underlying cause that relaxing will not solve.

Has your partner had his sperm count checked? Have you been with the same man these last 2 1/2 years?

The GYN is not your problem. The GYN as a professional is dedicated to doing regular checkups and delivering babies and monitoring the health of pregnant women. Not getting women pregnant. My suggestion is that you RUN, don't walk to an RE - a reproductive endocrinologist. They will start the infertility workup to find out exactly why you haven't gotten pregnant.

And a GREAT book to start with (where I started) is the Dr. Marrs Fertilty Book I think it's called. And a GREAT website is www.fertilethoughts.com

Infertility sucks - big time. I wish you all the luck!

Answer 3

... and after 2 1/2 years of unproductive sex are you still waiting?!
Sorry, but the first simple thing you both had to do was a good gynaecologycal visit for you and a sperm test for him!
Besides, relaxing isn't the only good solution to take.
It's opportune having sex ONLY when your fertile period is surer (during ovulation) and you can predict that thro some simple test as the basal temperature and the cervical mucus, ie.
Once the ovulation is in its end it's better to stop sex waiting for the next ovulation - so, you even give your partner's sperm the time to increase and be stronger.
It's a good habit to have sex before going to sleep mainly.
During orgasm he should discharge completely inside with the penis as deep as possible (for that give preference to some position).
Sleep after the intercourses putting a pillow under your buttocks even.
Let me know!

Answer 4

HAVE YOU TRIED GETTING AN OVULATION TEST THAT WAY YOU WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHEN YOU ARE OVULATING AND CAN CONCIEVE? I KNOW ITS FRUSTRATING, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS NOW, I COULDNT IMAGINE TRYING FOR OVER 2 YEARS, THAT MUST BE AWFUL. I GOT PREGNANT WHILE I WAS ON THE PILL WITH MY DAUGHTER SO I STOPPED TAKING IT WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I DECIDED WE WANTED ANOTHER ONE, AND I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD TAKE THIS LONG SINCE I GOT PREGNANT WHILE I WAS TAKING IT THE FIRST TIME. BUT EVERYONE TELLS ME THAT WHEN YOU TRY IT TAKES FOREVER BUT WHEN YOURE NOT TRYING IT HAPPENS. BUT ITS KINDA HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT. GOOD LUCK WITH THE DOCTOR, HOPEFULLY YOU AND I BOTH CAN GET PREGNANT SOON!

Answer 5

I would recommend you and your husband/significant other get check by a doctor, there could be something wrong with one or both of you. Fertility clinics work also but it is a gamble you could end up with more than one.... or two. If all else fails try in vitro fertilization. As a last resort you could try a third party but there are no guarantees...... with that one.

Answer 6

Telling someone to just relax makes you want to poke their eyes out. You may wnat to go to the Dr and get soem testing done on both you and your partner. You may not be ovulating or he may not have a good sperm count. you may need clomid to get your ovulation going. you may have a blockage. Best advice talk to your Dr about why its taking so long to conceieve.

Answer 7

Good luck!