How do parents handle very disrespectful, non-listening 10 year old kids?

Question

Real help!!!!! She just won't listen and thinks everything is a joke!
HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

If they are 10 and not listening, take comfort to know they are at least normal kids. If they are disrespectful, although sometimes normal, will break your family down eventually.

So, she thinks everything is a joke? Try a good spanking and see how she laughs!

It worked both times with my kids. I have a 9 and 11 year old, both girls.

Answer 2

You should have done something to prevent this happening from the time she was a toddler. If you let her get away with talking back and being disrespectful when she was younger because it was cute then, then you have taught her that this behavior is okay. It will take work to change it now, but she is old enough to understand what your expectations are. Tell her what you expect and what the consequences will be if she does not live up to it. Consequences can be time out, loss of priveleges (e.g., no computer time for a set period of time, or no TV, but make it something that she will really miss). Then follow through. Don't give her warning after warning. When she is disrespectful, tell her she's broken one of your rules and must pay the consequence. No matter how much she begs, whines, wheedles, stick to your guns. She will think twice before doing it a second time, but may "test the waters" a few more times. When she finds out you're not backing down she will realize its not worth it any more.

Answer 3

Dear parents, there is a problem somewhere in education. Who takes care of the child ? When one of you two says something to the child what is the other one doing ? I mean a child should spend as much time as possible with own parents. I know we are very busy, but we can explain it to our child. Listen to the child when she wants to talk to you. If the problem is more complicated explain you are going to think over it and you will give an answer later. don't forget that. You always have to keep a promise. Don't shout. Don't look miserable. Tell her you are disappointed, explain why. Give her time to think over in her room. If she was really naughty don't spoil her. You both, as parents, should not argue when she is there or worse - to disagree with ones decision. For example mother punishes and father doesn't say anything or smiles or anything else that makes the child think the other parent agrees or doesn't care. Nobody else is allowed to interferre between you and your child when a decision was already taken. Don't offer her anything at spot. Make her understand she has a duty at home. Everyone works to get something. Nobody gets anything without an effort. She has her own duty: to learn well, to listen to the parents, to tidy her room, to help Mum in the kitchen. Praise her when she does smth. good, don't punish her too bad when she does smth. wrong but she recognises her mistake. Encourage her to tell the truth. Don't be weak and if she is not allowed to do smth. or you don't buy smth. she wants for a certain reson, don't recall your decision without a very strong argument. Always explain your decision. Talk to her as much as possible. If not later on it will too lkate. she won't talk to you. Don't complain about her to anyone else, especially when she is there. Don't tell her little secrets to anyone. Praise her when talking about with the others. Make sure she can hear without being there in the room. Avoid talking about her when she is in, no matter what, as if she is not there. I am a mother of two: a 16-year-old girl and a 9 year-old boy. I am also a qualified teacher. I have told you about my own experience. And... sorry, if you have problems as adults, never talk direspectful one about the other with your child or in front of your child. She won't love a parent more than the other. At least she might be confused and she may suffer a lot. If you have already done all those, try to talk to a specialist, to find out what the real problem is.

Answer 4

I saw an episode of the Super Nanny that had very disrespectful children. She put them in the corner and made them stand there for 30 minutes at a time. If they left, the mother put them right back in the corner and add time on to it. It wore the mother out for that day but the child finally realized she wasn't playing. then the other option...I received spankings and after the first one I realized my mother wasn't playing and all she had to do was look at me. I turned out pretty good I think. I know people don't believe in giving their kids a pop on the leg, butt or hand but sometimes they need to realize that you are still the parent, you're not their friend. Good Luck to you!

Answer 5

Sounds like you (or whomever is the parent(s) ), lost control of this kid a long time ago. Sometimes treating them the same way they treat you can teach a lesson. I would send the child to his/her room, and not let her come out until she can apologize, sincerely (I would take away all video, audio and phone equipment and make him/her EARN the right to have them back by good behavior. Sounds cruel, I know, but there are worse things for a kid to go through, besides, being alone with only ones thoughts and school books can work wonders. Kids also do not learn the value of something until they have to EARN it. And that includes, trust, money (as in allowance) and priviledges. You on the other-hand are going to learn how to say "NO" and punish (and STICK TO IT !!!)...kids need to learn that trust, money and priviledges are earned...they are not a "right".

Answer 6

At least you realize that you need help. Most parents with problem children will never admit that they need help. They never fully accept that there is no such thing as a bad child. There are only bad parents.

From your brief description, it sounds like the child is looking for some solid rules to follow. You must consistently reward proper behavior and discourage improper behavior. Set ground-rules and stick to them without exception. Avoid physical punishment and verbal abuse. They are almost always counterproductive.

You and your spouse/significant other should sit down and come up with a plan and back each other up while implementing it.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Okay first every child has heard of the human centipede so many say that they've watched it when they got freaked by the trailer. It's not suitable for a child of 10 it's an 18 for a reason. And it may affect your child's mental health state and development more than you may think. I wouldn't recommend anyone watch it let alone a 10 year old

Answer 8

Take away everything one thing for everytime she disrespects. Such as T.V phone computer. All she HAS to have is a place to sleep clothes food and restroom faclities the rest are priviledges make sure she knows in advance what will be taken for x behavior then she earns them back one at a time.

Answer 9

Honestly, I have gotten some great tips from watching SuperNanny.
1. Making sure in a controlled lowered softened voice that she understands you WILL spend time with her and have fun, but that the behavior that is currently going on has got to stop, or else!
2. Or else what? There has to be a "what." No TV, no computer, alone time in her room with no TV, etc. Sometimes if it has escalated I simply tell her she has to go "sit on the the step", and when she is ready to talk to me, come and talk to me. If the "step" time isn't long enough and she's still out of control, then "alone in her room time" with no TV works. She will come out calmer, and ready to discuss what exactly the problem was.
3. Make sure to have that fun time together doing something, playing a game together for example.
4. Draw up a routine, a schedule, and stick to it. Map it out and put it up on a wall if you wish. SuperNanny does! :o) Chores to be included. (We pay for "X's" on her chore chart. She earns money that way. Kinda sounds like the way the world works, doesn't it?) Fun time to be included. Give her expectations - what her chores are, what you will be doing for those good fun times together, and be CONSISTENT with yours!! Make sure you do your part, and instill in her a desire to do hers.
Bottom line....let her know that you will not tolerate dissrespect. At this time, you ARE tolerating it. You're just being frustrated and angered by it, not dealing with it. DEAL with it and let her know it will NOT be tolerated, that there are consequences for bad behavior. But, on the other hand, let her know, there are good times and good things to look forward to, too. I've listed some books below, too, that have helped me. Good luck! btw mine is 9 yo. Here's a paragraph from a parent who reviewed the SuperNanny book I mention below:
"I am using many different techniques from "ASK THE SUPERNANNY" and "THE POCKET PARENT" to accomplish that-- like getting down to my child's level and establishing direct eye contact, speaking in a soft controlled voice and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder as I state briefly what I'm after. In this way you are using 3 senses--connecting with the child visually, auditorily and kinesthetically (touch). These are simple and very effective positive discipline skills that don't automatically come to mind when you're so busy and very late in the morning. It was screaming, threatening and long explanations that came naturally to me and really didn't work most of the time...so I needed to try something new....I realized that by me constantly reminding...I was actually teaching my child to ignore (at least the first few times because she knew (from "our dance") more reminding was definitely coming!"

Answer 10

The techniques on Nanny 911 are very helpfyl, and address the fact that the behavior is a result of the parents