Ok, for New Years Eve my "so called" boyfriend asked to have me to have a threesome with a girl he knew from along time ago. We had done this before on one occasion, but since my feelings have grown, I really didn't want to do this anymore. He finally ended up convincing me. I got really drunk while he went and picked up the other girl so that I could go through with it. Anyway, it happened...and of course, it hurt me to see him mess with another girl. I ended up passing out on the bed. I woke up and he was doing it with her. I didn't say anything. I just turned over and tried not to cry. About a hour later, I grabbed my things and left while they were sleep. Do I have a right to be upset? Is this grounds for dismissal? I mean if I agreed to a 3some, that didnt mean he can do it with her without me right? Or should I not be mad because he already messed with her? Please help me! I haven't answered the phone when he calls since the incident. I don't even know what to say!
2007-01-02 04:56:34 · 61 answers · asked by angie20k 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wow.
First of all, I think only you can make the decision on how to handle your situation.
That said, I've sort of been in your situation. Up to a point. I've done a three-some with my husband. Twice. And since then I have decided that I don't want to do that anymore for various reasons.
While my husband still ocassionally asks if I'll change my mind back, he knows fully well that even if I do change my mind back and do it again that in the meantime, no means no and that is the final answer. There is no looking, no picking up, no touching and certainly nothing further than that.
Personally, I'd say he cheated on you. Too bad if you were drunk, he shouldn't have taken advantage of the situation. You said no and he did it anyway. I'd be very upset and at the very least let him know that and why you're upset. Then take it from there. If there are other issues that you're mad at, maybe leave him. If otherwise, things are great and you've had a long history together, then stay but lay down some ground rules for the future. And stick to them.
2007-01-02 05:05:06 · answer #1 · answered by Tyler's Mommy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all you did agree to go through with it as much as you seem like you didn't want to do it u say u agreed. If you really have a problem with this you should have stuck with no. Just because you have had 3somes in the past doesn't mean its ok all the time and from then out. I can't blame you totally for being upset I know i would be. You did agree though so I think you should explain to him how you feel and work on trying to get over it and move on in the right direction with the relationship or if you feel you cant get over it end the relationship and move on to something that will make you happy. At least he was doing in front of you not behind your back. If you feel that a 3 some is ok but think only it should take place with all 3 of you at the same time you need to let that be known. I personally would be highly upset to wake up to that. So I dont blame u one bit but I do not think its grounds for dismissal. Communication is key and I think you need to let it be known whats acceptable and whats not! Good luck girl!
2007-01-02 05:07:45 · answer #2 · answered by Precious 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is not a good way to open a new year. By first of all doing something you really didn't want to do, and then being made to cry. Look, I know you may have real feelings for this guy but from what you describe it sounds as if he wanted to sleep with this girl from the word go and wanted you to co-sign. And you do have the right to be mad because a 3some is a 3some it involved 3 people and to go on as 2 without the third is something real different especially if part of the 2 is the "extra" party. I had one with my ex and we all went to sleep but when I woke up he was hugged up with the "extra" subsequently I found out they were sleeping together for months before our episode. Needless to say he's history. And in my honest opinion, you should do the same and leave but go to someone who wants you without the third.
2007-01-02 08:37:54 · answer #3 · answered by Ki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally, i wouldve never agreed to something like that if i wasnt 1000% sure i wanted to do it as much as he did. The fact that u had to get really drunk to go thru with it is a sign that u were uncomfortable with the whole thing....and the fact that he let u pass out and then continued to have sex or whatever with the other girl shows that he has little or no respect for u which is also clear when he asked to to have a 3some in the 1st place. How long have u been with the guy? that matters too
anyway....I would be mad...but u...u cant really be mad about the 3some cuz u said it was ok...but U CAN BE MAD that he "went on without u" while u were sleeping...thats dirty....and very disrespectful in my opinion
2007-01-02 05:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not mean to victimize you with this because you are not at fault.. however the thought you had prior to agreeing should have been the end of it.. and him for asking.. i know "as a man" a 3some is a fantasy (almost) every man has and would love to experience... however in a serious relationship where one or both involved will be hurt... not a good idea.. I suggest moving on and having a bit of fun being single.. The right man will trapse in at some point and that man will not require nor ask for a 3some ;) I think anytime you are uncomfortable in any aspect of your relationship.. talking about it helps work the bugs so to speak... Anyhow... Lose the bum and proceed with your life not to look back !
2007-01-02 06:48:58 · answer #5 · answered by MistrMann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, First things first. You have made a mistake. You are not trash or a whore. Don't listen to that garbage.
Do you have the right to be upset? Honestly, No. Unfortunately, you opened this door and will have to live with the consequences of your actions. I think that you need to stop seeing this as messing around. The three of you engaged in intercourse. This is not like being "felt up". What you should be asking yourself is what can you do to fix it. My advise, dump this looser. He may be playing you for a bigger fool than you realize. R U so sure that he hasn't been seeing this chick all along? Or any others? If he had to talk you into it, you obviously had reservations from the beginning. He cared more about the threesome than your feelings. Dump this looser and learn from your mistake.
2007-01-02 05:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel really guilty about it in the first place you shouldn't have gone through with it. I think it was wrong for him to try to convince you to do something that you didn't want to do anymore. If he truly cared about you, he shouldn't be messing around with other girls period. You had to get drunk, just so you wouldn't feel so bad about it, that alone should tell you that it was not the right thing to do. The thing that gets me the most, he was still messing around with the other girl while your passed out, thats just downright low. To answer your question yes you have a right to be upset because you told him how you felt and yes this is grounds for dismissal. While you were passed out, he was still messing around, that should tell you that he cares more about the other girl then you. It is true that you agreed to a 3some, but that didn't give him the right to try to convince you to go through with something you didn't want to do. He also did not cared that you passed out because he was having sex with the other girl. I would just break up with him and find a true gentlemen that respects you and your values. Good luck to you.
2007-01-02 17:23:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had set precedent by having the threesome before. You have to ask yourself why you did it then if it was something you are uncomfortable with. You consented to the threesome, so no, you don't have a right to be upset with anyone but yourself. By giving your permission for a threesome, you pretty much told him monogamy was not important to you and he could do whatever to her. Would he have had any way of knowing this would hurt you? He might have even thought you would like it...
No matter how you look at, you are obviously someone that once you have feelings, you don't not want to share your partner. This you have learned by this experience- be happy for it. Your current partner is not into monogamy, and because you've given him a taste of what it is like in a threesome, I doubt he is going to want to go back to "just you" if he is still in a stage of life that commitment is not an option.
If I were you, I'd break it off with this guy, and move on to someone else that isn't into threesomes, because you've learned that at the heart of it, you aren't either.
2007-01-02 05:39:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
For future reference, you never agree to do something unless you know for sure that you will feel the same way every time. You have to decide what your principals are and then stick to them no matter what. You do not ever let someone talk you into something if you don't want to do it. It is always very hurtful when you find out that the person you are in love with does not share the same feelings you do. Nothing you can do about that. When you agree to do something while drinking and being drunk, the consequences can be very hurtful but you have to live with it. Drunk or not it was your decision to make. This relationship will never work out. You did it wrong from the beginning. Going along with what a man wants just to try and please him is wrong. You have to think of yourself first. You have to be confident in who you are, your morals, and what you expect from a partner. You have to set it up right at the very beginning of the relationship. You have to tell your partner what you expect from yourself and what you expect from him. Girls who do not do this are just asking to be hurt time and time again. Think about who you are and what you are doing to yourself. End this relationship and make a fresh new start. But, before you do that give it a lot of thought about what you want out of life and the type of person you see yourself sharing life with.
2007-01-02 05:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by sunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the problem is not that anything happened without agreement, but that this isn't how you want your relationship with him to be.
You have a right to be upset, and it has nothing to do with agreements or contracts. You want to be enough for him. You agreed because you wanted to make him happy and you're too good a sport for your own good - that doesn't mean this is how you want things to be, and it doesn't mean you can't feel hurt even though you went along. At least it's opened your eyes to how you really feel about it.
You aren't breaking any rules by breaking up with him, if that's what you want to do. You can simply tell him this relationship isn't what you want. I think you should dump this sexually selfish person and go find someone who makes you feel special and happy.
Good luck, sweetie. Hope you cheer up soon!
2007-01-02 05:05:52 · answer #10 · answered by KC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋