Wife refuses to get a job!?

Question

My wife refuses to help out with expenses. She had a job when we got married. She wanted to be home to raise our child, begged and bargained, and because I love her I found a way. With a strict budget and her making a few K on the side it might work.

Well, it didn't work. Expenses beyond our control have increased. Wife won't stick to budget and is wasteful. Has found every excuse to dodge making $ to keep her part of the bargain. She is squatting, and I feel like a sucker. Can't help thinking she is positioned to destroy me in a divorce.

I'm not a paycheck. I have dreams too, and they'll never happen with her spending my future. I've tried opening up discussions and she has shut me out.

She won't even walk the walk. After working all day and long commute I get to clean her mess, cook, laundry. I'm being robbed of time with my child. She's living a party.

Please don't give me the "mom is a job" propaganda. I'd be glad to trade.

What should I do?

Answer 1

Dump That *****. or DTB .Listen to Tom Leykis ,go to www.blowmeuptom.com for local station or listen on line. All will be explained. Seriously move on start over, while you can .She is a "Dream Killer" and will stop you from bettering yourself and your position.

Answer 2

Talk to a lawyer. Its not right of her to drive you both to bankruptcy. See what your options are before doing anything.
The other option is to take control of the bills. Get everything put in your name, pay the bills, do the shopping, etc and leave her with an "allowance" each week. Explain to her that the bills are so far behind and since she won't stick to a budget, you have to do this to keep from losing everything. Speak to her family and try to get their support. If that doesn't work or isn't an option, back to divorce. Its horrible to think about, but at least she'll get half the debt and only child support. I'd get as much documentation as possible first!

Answer 3

well i am a mom and i have a husband and we both work i know that if i dont work and he has to pay all the bills there will be no funds left to play so she is just being lazy and you dont have to worry about that being a mother is a job b/c that is bull **** yes it is a job but it should not be your only job if you were not there even if you pay support how is she going to take care of the children child support is not a lot she better get off her lazy *** and get a job and i will also tell you she is doing it b/c you let her put your foot down be the man your mother made dont let her run over you get a bank acct and put all the money in there dont give her access to it just make sure all the bills are paid after a while of not being able to spend as she wants she'll get a job //////just to let you know that your worried about the divorce you should be dont you know that if she leaves now no matter why you have to pay spousal only b/c she does not work she depends on you so if you divorce you still have to maintain her lifestyle thats not fair

Answer 4

Split the finances up and get your own bank account. Have three bank accounts, one for you, one for the banking, and one for personal. Keep the banking one in both of your names and make sure there is only enough in there to pay the bills (mortgage, car pmt, utilities, etc.). Then deposit your money into your account and give her the portion you think she needs to stick to a budget. If she's stealing from the bill money then something needs to be done. If she complains tell her that she can do whatever she needs to do to add money to her account but that's all you can afford to give her.

As far as the house goes, don't do it. Let the house sit as a mess and see what she says. Chances are she's not doing it because she knows you will. But it doesn't sound like your wife is being very cooperative and for that I'm sorry to hear. Good luck.

Answer 5

I would recommend that if you have no children immediately get a divorce do not seek counseling. Life and marriage should be full of happiness and trust. If you cant trust your spouse for any reason then you do not need to be with them. You've got to understand that there are sheep's in wholes clothing. It does not matter where or how you meet your spouse; it matters who your spouse. Women and men could be both very deceiving and spiteful. So before your have any kids with her, get here out of your life through the process of a divorce. She is only there to destroy you and make a career of it. let it go better will come, and make sure it is better

Answer 6

This may be harsh, but you could cut off her access to any accounts that you have and just give her a weekly or monthly allowance. I'd also get her name off of anything you have such as house, car, truck, boat, retirement plans, 401k - everything. If you do decide to do this do not let her know of your plan until it is final. You definately need to talk to her, but if she's refusing to discuss the matter than that makes it difficult. I'm sorry for the situation you are in and hope everything works out.

Answer 7

tell her you had a deal and it isn't fair for you to work all day and cook and clean up the messes she makes, If she wanted a daddy to take care of her maybe she needed to stay home with her parents you are two adults and she needs to start acting like one. Tell her you have no intention of living like this much longer and she either needs to get a job or start being a wife and mother and keep the house etc. done while you are out working or you are going to move on in your life.. It isn't fair to you at all. and she is just plain lazy.

Answer 8

Give her the options to....
get a job
see a counselor


If she says no or shuts you out, you are going to have to threaten divorce or separation at the very least. If you separate, who will pay for her living expenses? Ask her that. See if she will at least go to work part time perhaps. In the end, if she is totally unflexable, you will need to consider divorce. Talk to a lawyer to ease your mind though. She may not be entitled to a lot since you have been supporting her the whole time.

Answer 9

tell her to get a job or get out!!!!! or don't give her any money, if shes staying home the house should be clean,dinner on table , and laundry kept up. she must be young cause the younger generation are lazy and don't know how to be a housewife. but unless you have a great job it takes 2 incomes, just paying bills gets old . I've worked 2 jobs at one time to provide for my kids and they were 11,9,6,and 3 at the time and still had time to spend with them. I will not support a man and don't expect him to support me, I have a great job and i will not have someone else spending my money while I work my butt off for it.

Answer 10

Colin, first I am a woman, and realize you are being taken my friend.
I think you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her that this is getting out of control and that you are planning to take control of your finanances b/c as she's living her dreams at home, you want to work on her financial goal. Take the credit cards away from her. Give her cash for the week and you start doing the groceries.

Answer 11

Money is one of the BIGGEST reasons for divorce. You may have to give her an allowance and take away her access to the accounts. I understand that she wants to stay home with the baby but if you have to make sacrifices to make that happen, then she should as well. I seriously suggest counseling before anything else. Otherwise it will just get worse. GO SEE A PROFESSIONAL.