PROFESSIONALS:Why do therapists and counselors hurt and abandon clients?

Question

I went for help when my family life was out of control in 1999 plus i had a drug problem, I had a very stong relationship with this therapist, who had been the family therpait at first , she was also in recovery she sent me to tx and I became a member of NA I cleaned up and was supposed to go back to her ater drug tx but she did not like the way Iwas acting , kind of possesive, he had me diagnosed a BPD (which is very misunderstood) she had made aot of mistakes boundary wise in the beginning in order to get me to trust her, she made herself available by phone at all times,(24hrs) plus she saw me 3 times a week, her actions actually made the borderline worse(if it existed in the first place) I believe , (i had emotional abandonment issues as a kid), I had to go to drug tx as I was out of control she promised i could coe back after, and we would talk on the phone once a week during this seperation (28 days). I also became an honest and hardworking member of NA.

When the time came for me to go to my appt with her she became ill and I let her know I was angry. after this she fired me. I was crushed

I ushed into the arms of a very dysfunctional NA sponsor (lesbian) and of course she rejected me whn I could notput HER needs first (i was like 20 days clean and the sponsor had 8 years)

I was seeing a therapist to fix the first therapists hurt when I found out my lover-sponsor also was seeing this same therapist , when the sponsor and i broke up THIS therapist dumped me too.

I finally was seeing a LCSW for 8 yeas she was more than a counselor she paid my tuitn at school and would help me out financially (way above and beyond I know) she came to hearing s to get my kids back from DCFS she too was in recovery, but after all the years she became quite ill, and eventually one day never came back to work, she had just walked out of the place she worked and never looked back, I was not alowed to say good bye . she stole my right to closure it blows but I wa sangry but mostly hurt, why are therapists so messed up? ther is NO 2 way street its not givan and take and in my case it was an AWFUL unbalance of power.

I cannot see anyone NOW I am too ripped up it has been a year I am going thru the biggest transitions of my life my Mom passed and I am on my very own, my kids seldom speak to me and I have no friends ..this i what years of therapy has gotten me . I just want to know ..why?

it seems like I am hearing that I am to blame for these tings and I don't think thats true I wne tfor help how can I be blamed if I am in a position of vunerability and something happens like with the sponsors i had20 DAYS CLEAN you recovering morons who are blaming me) but with the professinal therapists what gavw with that and you people wh are NOT in the psych field shut up this is for professionals

also I do NOT do NA AA or ANY A's anymore I am clean I stay clean I am grateful to be clean and understand and LIVE the steps but I cannot stand recovering peole they are too sick and self righteous,once and addict ALWAYS an addict you all NEED each other to validate your pompousness is all

to Slim Whitman (do you sing?) I have heard that before the truth is it takes a very specail therapist TO work with BPD 's and the very fact that you think like you do make sit hard for BPD's yes they ARE very resistant to treatment, but at least you are honest and if you cannot stand the heat stay out of the kitchen but they are NOT UNtreatable and I think that you are probably not a very good therapist for believing that, the truth is YOU cannot treat BPD but they are NOT untreatable

Answer 1

There is a kernel of truth to the stereotype that people that study psychology and counseling do so to sort out their own problems. In my own counseling experiences I was frequently disappointed by my counselors saying how normal they thought I was. I explained my problem - they agreed that it was a problem - but they refused to help by learning more and more about me, but never really offering any solutions. It was particularly upsetting by the time I figured out the treatment I needed, but they ignored my requests. They like the crappy Freudian talk yourself-to-death nonsense, which at this point just seems to me enabling my particular problem because it allows us to further avoid treatment. Sure, I have had an interesting life. Ok, so freaking pay ME to hear about it!!! In other words, in my experience, counselors have been pretty much useless. You'd be better off maybe in group therapy where the clients are creating a constant gravity to keep the counseling sessions going... IF that's what you want. But remember that therapy is a BUSINESS. Actually helping you solve your problems would mean you'd eventually stop coming in!!! So I don't see why you're so excited to go. Counseling sucks.

Maybe your first counselor saw you becoming an honest and hardworking member of NA as success. So she figured you were ok. Of course, this sort of judgement would obviously have happened WITHOUT consulting you, who probably knows better than she does whether you're ok or not. That's why counseling is such a pain in the butt: there's a major disconnect between client wants and needs and counselor perceptions. And let's not even talk about reality getting in the way and being different that what either one of you *think* is real. All I know is that I'd be stuck without a counselor and things were still happening that prompted me to go into counseling in the first place. There must be a lot of smoking of crack in those counseling offices... err... sorry about the bad joke if you used to smoke crack... Anyhow, my point is it all around is a pain in the butt.

Maybe it's just better to live this mantra: BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE (Gandhi).

We are all alone and I know it's tough but you have to do a lot of the changing and, well, everything, alone. My solution was to learn to like being alone. Ironically, that was my disorder one stage worse...

Answer 2

1st you confused your relationship with the therapist as one of 'friendship'....and you became too attached [which when that occurs most therapists will stop seeing the person and refer to this elsewhere]

2nd- you should NEVER have entered ANY type romantic relationship during the entire first year of recovery; much less with your sponsor [who needs their head AND recovery program examined!]

3rd - by BPD do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder or Bi Polar Disorder?

I strongly suggest you find a new sponsor who has at least 10 years; has completed all 12 steps and 'walks the talk' meaning they practice all 12 steps in their daily life as evidenced by how they live and the decisions they make.

You also need to find a good therapist and realize that this person is llike a doctor - and not someone you can cling to but rather someone who assist you live INDEPEDENTLY and in a healtful manner

Answer 3

I think you need to find a new therapist who you can trust, but who is ONLY your therapist. This woman crossed the line, as some therapists do. I think many of them do just want to help people, but there are some that enjoy in a sick way, the power they have over people who are in a vulnerable position. It is unfortunate that this happened to you, but you have made great strides in recovery, and for that feel thankful. Now move on and show your strength. You will get past this and you have learned not to open yourself up to this type of relationship again. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You write very much like many BPD's I've known. It's the therapist's fault your life is screwed up?? Man that is rich I've heard that dozens of times.

I don't counsel BPD's if I can help it because I don't think they are treatable. Too many resist treatment recommendations because of a near self-destructive impulse.

I think too many therapists take on BPD's because they are cash cows. I am a firm believer in a cognitive behavioral model if the patient resists change and does not assume control of their own recovery and behavior in 3 months then the therapist is doing a disservice to their client by not firing the client.

Answer 5

From my experience, many therapists and counselors have their own issues to sort out. Only you can know yourself through and through and know what is right for yourself. I don't blame you for being crushed, I've been there. But somewhere along the way, you need to develop your own sense of self and self-confidence. That's hard to do, sometimes. Do your own reading on these illnesses and problems and challenge the Doctor's to answer your specific questions.

Good luck, Peace and God bless you this new year.

Answer 6

You are the one with the boundary problem, sweetie. Consider getting a real sponsor to take you through the steps and getting to a psychiatrist (not a therapist) as soon as possible.

Answer 7

Sounds to me that you were not seeing very professional therapists/counselors. A real professional does not have any kind of relationship with a patient except that of patient/counselor.A real counselor cannot fire you but you can fire them. It's really in your hands.No one can help you but you in the end. Sounds like your level of trust has been broken with these individuals and you need to see out a new Psychologist.

Answer 8

She crossed the professional/patient boundary. She needed to move on. However, she should not be practicing because she has mental issues too as you stated. She should loose her right to practice. You need to find a good therapist and stay in your boundaries and do what they say.