Difficulty dating during before my divorce is final. Any advice?

Question

I am going through a divorce and have reconnected with an old friend who definitely wants to date but doesn't want to do it officially until my divorce is final. She is reluctant to date a married man (even though I won't be in a few months). Is there any argument I can give her to see that my marriage is over (my spouse cheated on me) and all thats left is the legal wrangling

Answer 1

personally i believe a marriage is over when either of the parties breaks their vows to each other, the same way a partnership contract is ended when one partner steals from another. the paperwork is just for the lawyers and for the state and to make money out of us. i consider myself divorced from the day i walked out, but like you, i am waiting for the final paperwork, and for the state to decide when they think i should be declared divorced or not. my viewpoint, morals and ethics are between me and god, not between me and the state. unfort, many "divorcing" couples still try to rekindle old flames, and your lady friend has no way in knowing if you are one of them or not. she is protecting herself from any possible hurt, and like many, she probably views marriage as a legal state based institution, which she is entitled to. just continue to "be there", lay of the pressure and be grateful for her support. a few months is no big deal - look forward to it - its good for the imagination lol. good luck

Answer 2

She wants to date you, and sounds like she's willing to wait. She may have "heard it all before" from other married men....who remained married. It's not to say that you'll do that, but consider her point of view.

Frankly, I think you should take a Girl Break and get your head straight. You didn't leave your marriage because you didn't love your wife, she cheated on you. That's good enough reason to leave, but rather than run out and get involved again, put some distance between yourself and the end of your marriage. If you still want to get with your old friend, then do that but take it slow.

Also consider that the divorce is a process that will have your attention until it's over. If I were dating you, I'm not sure that I'd want to be updated on the status of your divorce or what thing went wrong (or right) in court. I may feel compelled to ask just to be polite.

Get through your divorce; get yourself in a position where it's a done deal and not rolling around in your mind. It sounds like she'll wait.

Answer 3

Her issue is probably more a moral issue. She isn't avoiding dating you because she is afraid you will get back with your wife, she is waiting because her morals tell her that it isn't right to date you until you are legally single again. Don't try to push her into something she doesn't feel is right. This would be a selfish action on your part and a bad beginning to the relationship. Honor her request to wait. This doesn't mean you can't hang out as friends though. Spending time together without the pressure of being "together" will be a good way to get reconnected and know each other on a more basic level before taking it further. Be patient with her and show her that you respect her wishes.

Answer 4

I feel your pain, I been going through the process of divorce now starting the third year since I filed. I have tried dating during that time frame but your life is truly in limbo. It is very hard for anyone starting a new relationship without the baggage of divorce happening at the same time. If you have a docket number and going through the process you have establish that you are separated and working to finish the divorce you can date. If you see the light at the end of tunnel then wait for the divorce. If you need to spend time building up your social life without the chains of dating try joining groups of interest to you and you will begin to heal from the past relationships and meet others to share your spare time with. You need to be happy with yourself before you try to have any type of relationship. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you are not living with your ex and not seeing your ex socially, then it makes no sense to me why you can't be dating someone else. I've been separated for 5 years and financially it doesn't make sense to divorce yet. I consider myself single or divorced socially..but I am legally married. I don't see a reason to legally divorce unless I or my spouse wants to get remarried. Why not date?? Providing you really aren't living with (but not sleeping with..sure), involved with, etc etc half in and half out of your marriage...then i would understand someone not believing your marriage was really over.

Answer 6

No, your marriage is over --- all but the paperwork... Cheating is the big dealbreaker just about not recaoverable, and a no brainer to end. If marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, the trust is gone, and the rest of it is down the tubes.---if there is no trust, there is nothing...... She should be able to understand this.... You are married in paper only, not emotionally, and that is the important part. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Just wait till you're divorced dude. Looks better on you if the soon to be X finds out before the divorce is final.

Answer 8

It is against martial law to date while married. You need to show her the papers stating that the marriage is officially over. It is in the constitution. Updates at 11:00 p.m.

Answer 9

Some people have a hard time dating people who are still legally married. It's just the way they are & you aren't going to change it. You can tell her until you're blue in the face that you're getting divorced but maybe to her you are still married.

Answer 10

if this old friend is someone you would really like to reconnect with and she wants the divorce to be final...why can you not keep it casual as friends for a couple of months and date when everything is done with.....