Her first pregnancy was a tubular pregnancy, and now this. I feel so bad for them and the baby, who was somewhere between 24 and 26 weeks, I think. He weighs 1 lb. 9 oz. He is alive, but from what I understand (and common sense) it's gonna be very touch and go. I don't know what to say to them when I go to the hospital (my family is very, very close...so I definantly will be going) I don't know if there are any flower allergies, and not appropriate for a celebration. I got them a bag and filled it full of toiletries, shampoo, conditioner, tissues, deodorant, tooth brushes and paste, razors and shaving gels, a mini med kit, lotion, and a bunch of stuff like that. I don't know how to act around them, I don't know what to say. If it were me in her shoes, I would lose it big time! I wouldn't want any company, nothing. I am so affraid for them and can't even imagine what they're going through right now. any similar circumstances? any ideas or advice?
2007-01-02 03:14:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
No one really knows what to say under any such circumstances, so don't worry about that part of it.
I think you're got a good idea, filling a bag with toiletries, with stuff that your cousin and her husband can use to take care of themselves. The best thing that you can continue to do is to just show up, let them talk if they want to or not talk if the don't, give them a break once in a while. You might even try, with the approval of the hospital staff, staying with the baby for a couple of hours once in a while, so that the parents can get some time off, time to sit down to dinner together, or whatever.
In other words, anything that you can do to let them know that they can lean on you if they need to, and anything that you can do to help them to lean on one another will be greatly appreciated.
Also, if this is something with which you are comfortable, arranging some prayers for the child would almost always be appreciated. Remember that this is the type of situation in which anything thoughtful is appreciated.
2007-01-02 03:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gift bag idea is great! You may also want to get friends and family to chip in for rolls of quarters or McD gift certificates. They will be spending a lot of time at the hospital and it gets expensive. They may need to pay for parking too. All those things add up.
Is there something you could do at their house??? Clean up, do laundry etc????
It is quite possible the baby can make it. It's all just a matter of waiting and praying.
You don't need to feel like you need to do or say anything.
Sometimes just being quiet and near is all people need or want.
Remind them that they are the parents and they are in control. They should be able to understand EVERYTHING that is going on with their child and if they don't, they have the right to ask questions. LOTS of questions.
Sometimes people feel intimidated by doctors and hospitals. But we are the consumer and we deserve good care and a better understanding of the situation.
They need to know that they can stand up for themselves. If they aren't happy with something, SOMEONE should know.
2007-01-02 03:22:22 · answer #2 · answered by Nici 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I can relate to your cousin. My daughter was born with several heart defects. No doctor thought she would make it. She had open heart surgery one of them just when she was an hour old. it was very stressful. I think one of the best things that help get me threw that time was the support of family. Everyone was telling me they were praying for us. That was so good to know. Just to know that that many people cared about us, and was praying for us.
My advise to you is just go with the flow. Let them know you are thinking of them, if you are religious let them know they are in your prayers. Just be there to support them. They have a long road ahead of them.
I never really knew the power that prayers had. My daughter has had a total of 9 surgeries and number 10 will be on the 15 of January this year. She is now 19 months old. I thank God ever day for letting us have the joy of her in our lives. Good luck. I hope everything will be OK. That little baby is now in my prayers!
2007-01-02 03:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by booker K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel Bad. it's a blessing they have a baby. God has a plan and he only gave them what they could handle.I say treat your cousin the same you always have. She has already thought "How will everyone act" "what will people say or think" She has enough to worry about. Really the idea of rolls of Quarters, and McDonald's ,or whatever food chain is close,gift cards is the best idea. Make Sure she has a camera to take pics! * My story. I had a baby girl with a cleft lip. I thought it was my fault and was afraid to have people to see her.The dreaded question was What happened?Which made me feel worse. It helped just for people to say how cute she was and to point out other things.*(tiny fingers,button nose,hair, etc)* Kinda to say they see all of her not just her "problem"Good luck.
2007-01-02 14:07:56 · answer #4 · answered by queenlandry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a premature baby and remember how difficult it was. I didn't want any company, but I appreciated everyone thinking of me.
Just tell her you love her and ask what you can do to help. Be available to her onn her schedule and just listen. Also, offer to run interference to take care of any housecleaning, errands or other things she needs to have done, but won't be able to do, because she will eat, sleep and live in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
She is in for an awful rollercoaster. Just be there for her.
2007-01-02 03:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just be super super supportive ask them if they need anything. Tell them how lovley the baby is.
I'm a twin and me and my sister were born 3 months early. We were *not* healthy and looked like aliens. No were prefectly normal, but we were conncected to tubes and stuff of all sorts and had to stay in the hospitail for 2 months... But on the family video tapes everyone acts normal. There happy to see that my mom is well, they brought baby clothes saying that we'd grow into them, they brought things for our room, toys, my mom some food (were italians and *huge* on food....) Everyone seemed happy...
Dont be afriad for them. Youll act all nervouse and stuff, just be happy to see your cousin.
2007-01-02 03:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine had her baby 4 months early.....Its a hard situation but the best advice I can give is just be WHATEVER it is that your cousin needs you to be ! If she wants you there for support be there...and if she just wants to be alone...understand and do that for her! My friends baby survived....he had to stay in the hospital for about 3 more months but is perfectly fine now! I will keep your cousin in my prayers and remember just be supportive to whatever she may need! Good luck!
2007-01-02 03:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My twins were in the hospital for one month. I hated hearing "They'll be home soon." That didn't make me feel better at all and after awhile just got damn annoying. I just wanted to know that my family was there if I needed to talk but gave me distance when I wanted it. I also hated when people accused me of having post-partem depression because I was upset that they weren't home yet.
2007-01-02 05:30:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lewis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had my twins at 28 week and it was very touch and go at first. All you can do is be there for them bring them food ask mom if she needs rides to the hospital to visit baby buy her a breast pump so she can start pumping milk so that the baby can have it when he Finlay is able to eat. Pray for them.
2007-01-02 03:29:38 · answer #9 · answered by aintgivinup79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm Man its horrible. Well pray is all we can do. Its life , God has the will to end it or to make it continue. I think at time like these , You dont have to start off a convo or do something .. Simply You being there will help. I wish all the best for the mum and dad and the lil fella. Hope He makes it.
We ll be prayin for him too....
2007-01-02 03:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by Blue_Dragon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋