I'm about to ditch my henpecked friend?

Question

I'm about to ditch my henpecked friend whom I've known for 16 years. He doesnt call or visit unless his wife gives him permission. Several years ago, she ran away all of his friends, including me (she likes just him & her around). We didn't speak for 4 years and just recently we starting speaking again. In September, I called him and ask to come over and visit. I hadnt seen him in 6 months. He said "Let me see what the wife says". He never called back. One week later, I called and asked him about it and he said "I forgot". No apology; just I forgot. Then he said "I'll come to see you this weekend". Again he never came/never called.
Well guess what? Christmas time, his wife goes out of town to visit the folks and he calls with "Let's hang out!". I made an excuse. I didnt want to see him,but he planted himself on my doorstep for Xmas. I was angry inside! I felt I was just being used for company until the wife gets back. I'm want to ditch the friendship. Opinions please.

Answer 1

He is a very needy and spineless person. I would not tolerate him at all and in fact on Christmas, I would have told him "my wife, my girlfriend, my momma (fill in the blank) said I can't play with you anymore." Shut door, goodbye. I can't stand people like him OR his wife and yes, I do know the identical couple to your situation. They are losing friends and even relatives every year due to control and manipulating, selfish issues like this.

Answer 2

Yes, ditch, but first....try to intervene in some way first. Find some way to meet with him- bully him away from the wife for a lunch or surpise him at end of his workday at his work and drag him off for coffee. Tell him you wont ever talk again if he doesnt. Then tell him you are worried about him losing friends and himself to a controller. Tell him how you dont like to be around him, but want to be his friend, you just cant with the situation as it stands.
Or set up an intervention. This is a serious thing to leave a freind to without trying, no matter how badly they treated us...and he didnt do it on purpose I think, he just got stuck and has obviously reached out to you alone of his former friends. Maybe a responsibiltiy you didnt seek, but one that is there unless you walk away.
If you need more info on how to help or try to reach through to him, try talking to a clergyman of some kind, or a controller/abuser hotline.
I say if you give your best, and they still choose to stay, then feel free to walk away. Every one has a choice at some point, and we cannot override that [too often].
Its nice you are even asking before just tossing him aside, sounds like you do care some and have some conscience on it. Wish you and him the best.

Answer 3

I'm all up for checking with my husband before I do anything major, but if I wanna go visit my friends, I go.

Tell your friend to pull the ring out of his nose and put it on his finger. Like I've told my husband more than once, "That piece of paper (our marriage license) is NOT a bill of sale. You don't own me. I'm not some piece of property that you bought and paid for."

It still hasn't really sunk in yet, but it will one day. I hope.

Answer 4

I would keep avoiding him too! If he ever asks for an explanation, then tell him that you like dealing with "Everyday People", people that generally act the same way most of the time. Who has time to deal with wishy washiness?

Answer 5

Sounds to me you have every right to dump him he does not sound like a true friend ,if he was he would make time for you my husband has friends I do not like so i just stay home when they hang out

Answer 6

try telling him how you feel. tell him that if you cant be a friend when shes around then you don't need a friend like that at all

Answer 7

i am with you drop him he doesn't value ur friendship because he's pussy whipped and 3's a crowd right lol good luck

Answer 8

Tell him to go tie his nose to his wifes' @sshole.