kids I am talking about here, have enough knowledge of what is going in the world around them. they are clever enough. now my question is when two people are divorcing just bcoz of their egos or any other reason ("which is actually not reasonable") then shouldn't kid's opinion be considered as to what they want? is it considered in the court, when divorce happens? what do you think, is it right or wrong?
2007-01-02 02:51:26 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No matter what, it is going to be tough on the kids. No kid wants their parents to split up. I think it would be a good idea to keep them informed to a point. I wouldn't recommend pointing fingers at one another, or trying to make the kids choose sides. Just be there for them, and try to make the change as easy as possible for them. They will want to have both of you in their lives.
2007-01-02 02:55:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I don't think they should divorce until you are grown.
If they do divorce they need to stay single until you are grown.
Let your parents know who you want to live with. I'm sure you want to still go to the same school.
Ask them together, "Did either of you consider me when you decided to get a divorce?"
Does anything that I want even come into your minds?
Sometimes parents need to hear some honest questions from their children. They think I'm unhappy so I'm going to get a divorce and find happiness. The truth is 95% realize later on that they would have been better off holding their marriage together.
You will always be in their life, but you will also have to put up with a step-mom and a step-dad. They don't get any extra people telling them what to do - only you.
Unresolved feelings turn into anger, stress, depression, etc. Let your parents know your feelings because often they think they are the only ones hurting or upset. It is easier to divorce than to try to work out the problems, but you are worth it. Let them know.
2007-01-02 03:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your kids may be clever, but they aren't adults yet and therefore shouldn't be expected to make adult decisions. They are still at the stage where emotions can take over reasoning. The court will most likely ask which parent they want to be with on a more full-time basis. Since security is still a big factor in their lives, they should be able to make this choice without either you or your spouse playing tug of wag over them. You'll both still be their parents forever. For now, put the egos on the back burner and think of what is truly best for the children and conduct your business accordingly. Even if they are in their upper teens, this is affecting them more than you think. Don't make it any harder. Wish you the best of luck!
2007-01-02 03:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by bfwh218 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When couples decide to divorce,although this concerns the kids they shouldn't be brought into the decision,it is hard enough for them.The children need to know both Mother and Father love them very much,but mommy and daddy are having problems with one another,not because of the children.Kids have a lot of trouble with the parents separating or an divorcing,with out bringing to their attention more so,children do know what is going on,and tend to place the blame on them self's,and my opinion is is you want happy healthy children,don't pull them in any deeper than they already are no matter what age the kids are.
2007-01-02 03:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kids older than 5 should have a say to which parent they want to live with, but not about the divorce itself. Sometimes a child may prefer to live with a certain parent which would be impossible for that parent to care for them...the courts will normally decide if there is a contest for the custody
2007-01-02 02:54:15 · answer #5 · answered by trivia buff 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are several option you can go for. It all depends on the kind of person you are and the kind of people that are around. You could continue to go on the way you have for many years now. You could point out those little subliminal verbal bashing out to him. If you don't want to be around that negativity than tell him so, tell him that you do not want to be around it and if he won't cut out some of his behaviors and attitudes that you will cut him out on your more social events ( for example tell him your wedding is a happy time and is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and that you will not tolerate his negativity on the happy day. Tell him to cut it out or you will cut him out.) By this point you need to be considering the kind of effect he will be having on your new family. Every family has a black sheep. Would you want him around your husband, or possible future kids with the way he acts? You seem like a very bright person. You know the people involved and how they would act. Consider all the options and all the possible reactions and consequences to those options. Make the choice that is best for you and your loved ones. Sometimes tough love is the only way to love some people. I wish you joy and happiness in your upcoming nuptials. I hope everything works out for you.
2016-03-29 04:29:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children shouldn't be put in that situation. It's bad enough that their parent's are splitting up, now you want them to make a decision. Don't do that to those children. It's not fair and it's cruel. You need to discuss with them what's going on between the two of you, but don't dare give them a choice of who to live with. They will be very angry and bitter when they hear the news and I'm not sure you will like to know who they will choose to live with when first asked. Try to make this as pleasant as possible because they will make your life a living hell if you force them to decide. Thank you.
2007-01-02 03:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course their opinion matters! They should be allowed EQUAL time with both parents, unless distance is a problem. This business of a day or two one week, and a longer weekend the next is hard on kids. The couple should both live within the same area, so that kids can alternate weeks with each parent.
2007-01-02 02:54:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
They weren't there to make a pronouncement before the marriage; they won't have a say in the courtroom and they shouldn't have an active opinion about the divorce. Now, as for the custody battle, sure, they have to be considered. But, as to the arrangement between two adults who no longer want to cohabitate, hell no!
2007-01-02 02:55:58 · answer #9 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If two adults are getting divorced they should leave the kids out of it, so they don't feel they have to choose, Sit the kids down and explain it has nothing to do with them and that you each love them. Don't let the kids make that type of choice it is just wrong.
2007-01-02 02:54:12 · answer #10 · answered by blueigurl34 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋