My Partner of 4 years is 28 and still lives with his Dad. He is trying to make a living as an artist and is not making any money . I am at uni, I qualify soon and will have a v well paid job. I mention to my boyf about making plans together for the futer and he shouts, gets anxious and states I am "putting pressure on him" and he cant say when he can live with me or get engaged or marry as he doesnt know when he will earn money. I am very upset that he doesnt want to progress after 4 years. He says he wants to marry me one day so on, but when he earns money and he will never work for anybody else in a job despite being qualified joiner. What do you think of this, is it man talk for he wants to live with daddy without responsibilities, or is he just not into me that much to do these things despite saying he is.
2007-01-02 02:26:25 · 16 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That reminds me of the old joke ...
"What do you call an artist without a girlfirned'
"Homeless"
If you really love him then his, lets call it 'dedication', to his art wouldnt matter to you. The fact that it is beginning to irk you is telling. Particulary as you are the one that is putting in the time and effort to get qualifications and get a career.
As long as you arent paying all the bills then see where things lead. I'm willing to bet that when you start this new well paid job you will come into contact with guys that are out there making a life for themselves and you will be able to compare that to your boyfriends position.
If you are paying the bills then Picasso needs to get himself a part time job, he can still work on his art in his spare time.
Did you know Van Gough didnt make any money as a painter in his lifetime?
2007-01-02 02:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by Morgan W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds like he's a lazy moocher and is spoonging off Daddy. I don't see why his Dad hasn't throw his lazy butt out fo the house if he doesn't have a job. ANd if you marry him one day you will always do everything in the house becasue he is going to be so used to doing nothing that all he will do is stay at home, eat and sleep. He should get his lazy butt off the couch and get a job for the mean time. But if you love him when good luck. But you need to move on and find someone who appreciates you and treats you better. So want to chat IM me anytime.
2007-01-02 02:42:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An artist is a creative person. Creativity is not a faucet, but more like a fountain. When it flows, you have to be ready. What I see is that your boyfriend is not ready for the restrictions that comes with a demanding relationship. He is putting together a portfolio or whatever; and that takes time.Yes, he is a joiner; but a job is confining. You have to move within someone else's deadlines for you; and their timing may not suit your situations. Since you are uncomfortable with the pace of this relationship, do not confine yourself. Be flexible and find other friends; and give him the freedom to find his niche in life.You cannot fit a round peg in a square hole.
2007-01-02 02:37:30 · answer #3 · answered by Aoiffe337 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably still terrified of commitment. Some men, even if the problem isn't the fear of being with only one woman for the rest of their lives, are afraid of the responsibility of marriage (mutual decisions, not having anyone else to fall back on if their family is broke, supporting a family, losing out on "fun-with-the-boys time", having to be emotionally there for a spouse and kids and having to schedule free time around others). This is probably the problem. At 28, most women are over this, but a lot of men aren't. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, and he still hates having to miss out on his free time sometimes. With a child, one spouse has to be with the child, so you have to give up some of your play time to let the other spouse have some.
2007-01-02 02:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the bum! Let his dad be fed up with having to feed him all the time after being a leech for ten years of his adulthood, I'll bet you whatever you want that he'll go running to the arms of his soon-to-be wealthy girlfriend. Now if you're willing to take on what his dad has been doing for the rest of Scav's life, go ahead and enjoy your life with this mediocre. And no, if he hasn't made any progress in the last 4 or 8 or 10 years, he will never do it.
2007-01-02 02:32:07 · answer #5 · answered by guicho79 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he's 28 and sponging off Dad, what evidence do you have to suggest he won't sponge off you for the rest of his life? None, which is why you're worried.
Your instincts are right. If you accept him like he is, he will stay like he is - a parasite on the financial and emotional health of those around him.
I have a relative like that. He laid around and did nothing or else hung with his buddies while the mom worked overtime, late shifts, etc. The kids practically raised themselves and now they have problems that seem to be directly related.
2007-01-02 02:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by MithrilHawk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems clear to me that he both wants to be with you and to make his living as an artist. The problem with this type of person is that it can take them many, many years to realize they will never succeed financially as artists, and some never realize it. You either love him for his dedication to his art, and accept financial responsibility for him, or you place more value on finding a mate who earns his own way in the world. With this man, it may not be possible to have both.
2007-01-02 02:35:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk is cheap. Ignore what he says, and judge by what he does. He's 28, and has zero responsibilities, not even to support himself. He can prattle on about art, but that's merely his excuse. He likes his life. Heck, he's retired. Most of us work 40-50 years to be people of leisure. He just hasn't bothered with the work part. AND, he's managed to con you into buying this crock of bull. Girl, if it looks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, and quacks like a duck- it's a duck. You are dating a bum, not the next Rembrandt. or Picasso.
2007-01-02 03:02:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he doesnt want to be living with you and be guilty for not working and not having any money to help you take care of bills and stuff. I dont think its because he doesnt want to move further with you. I think he wants to be financially stable also before moving further.
And if the art thing is not working by now then he should think about another career because thats killing time.
2007-01-02 02:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Mizz.Purdy♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never ever ever date or marry someone on the basis of who they will be someday. Date or marry or break up with them on the basis of who they are now. Your boyfriend is unemployed, and not making plans for the future. Fine, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just not what you're looking for right now. Move on, find someone who is what you're looking for. Don't judge him, don't be hard on him, don't cry or try to make him cry, just go. If he does cry, fine, but you've got a future to plan so don't worry about it. Who knows, maybe someday he will start to plan for the future, and then maybe he'll be just what you need in life.
2007-01-02 02:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by Sean J 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋