Why does the new wife get treated better !?

Question

I have been divorced for 10 years , I was a good wife and mother , I have raised our three kids by my self , there father was there when he wanted to be . But now he is married and treats his new wife the way I should have been treated and it hurts to see that. He took her to Mexico and married her he new I would have loved that . He took her daughter and not his own children , that hurt them , and I hurt for them . When it came to child support , I let him get away without paying the right amount . Now I have just one child left at home ,and he called me about 7 months ago and ask if he could pay a lower amount because his new wife has cancer and there bills were high , I sent her get we'll cards and prayed for her , now she is better , should I ask him to pay the right amount or leave it along . For 10 years he has been paying a lower amount , I have never asked him to help out with DR. bills are meds ,I never ask him for help,should I ask him for the child supporp?

Answer 1

sometimes a man realizes his mistakes when it is too late to fix them, I have been divorced for 8 months and stayed in a abusive controlling relationship not to mention all the lying cheating and mental cruelity my children and my self took from him, he is now with a woman who is expecting his child, and he attends all family functions, he never once would with us, and I have four children, I waited on him hand and foot. But I am a firm believer in what comes around goes around. and I am thankful to say, the tables has turned and my ex is getting a taste of his own medicine. Don't be resentful, just be happy that you are a strong woman who has made it. Just leave it alone, You will be rewarded in the end and there is no since in digging up the past. I wish you all the luck, and I know how this can open an old womb and feel as if salt is being poured in but you have made it this far just live for the future it is best.

Answer 2

Yes, he should most surely pay his child the money is owed. Don't go to him and ask or demand, you should just go to the legal system and let them serve him. This way there is no conflict between the two of you and you won't be tempted to let him slide. If he should try to pester you about it just say it's for "baby" and you don't want to get into it with him. No matter what problems he may have or not have he is the one that chose to take a different path. He chose this. STOP being his freaking foot stool and make a stand. Go find someone you deserve. Take the money he IS going to pay you for your child and take the kid out and have a good time on daddy.
I think he treats his new wife better because he like many other men and women get in too deep too fast in the first marriage and the grass seems shorter and greener on the other side. People get married and just start having kids so fast and they forget to enjoy each other. As far as her kids go they are truly not his responsibility so he probably didn't feel obligated to tend to them as a permanent have too situation. If that made any sense.

Answer 3

The new wife gets treated differently because she is a different person than you. He has obviously grown and learned from past mistakes what not to do.

As for the support, I think it was very generous of you to allow him to pay a lesser amount while his wife was fighting illness. i would approach him and say "I am glad that (wife name) is better now and I was happy to help at the time but I feel it's really important that you now start paying the ordered amount of child support. I have responsibilities that you have to consider as well."

I don't know many woman that would do that so I give you a great deal of credit but at the same time nobody is owed anything in life. You were married to him and for whatever reasons it did not work. It is different because there are different players in that relationship now.

And if it has gone on for 10 years, I would say it went on for 9 years and 11 months too long. You allowed it to and he may have taken advantage of that. But take responsibility for allowing it to continue. He wouldn't have been able to just pay whatever he wanted when he wanted had you have had the order enforced.

Answer 4

Unfortunately as the new wife gets treated better, because the husband learned what he did wrong in his marriage with you and he does not want to make those same mistakes to destroy his 2nd marriage. Men get scarred for life in a marriage from disapprovval nagging wife,that complains all the time, so when divroce happened, he make that lesson learned, and never want to repeat history again.
Yes you should asked him for the right amount of Child support and back support, and let him know how hurt that his own children was negected not to be involved in his life.
He should has already helped 50/50 with the kids anyway, he created them just as you did.
And pray for you come across not a nagging exwife, but a mother and looking at the best interest of the children.
and you might want to let him know what you have share with the world on your feellings about how deeply hurted and touched, that you envy his wife of receiveing the love and needs that you have wanted all this time.
God bless, and take care of yourself

Answer 5

you should have never been nice about the child support in the first place that is what a judge said he should pay and you should have enforced it from the get go. You sound like you still love this man and it's OK but you have let him walk all over you. Sometimes when men remarry there new family always comes before his old. I'm sorry he isn't thinking of his other kids when he planned his wedding he should have invited them now with you being jealous and him not including them your children are going to hate the new woman and that will cause problems later on down the road.

Answer 6

The new wife gets treated better because you trained him pttthhhh. Well not just you he is more mature now and that is a big part of it.

You are good to put your children first and as they are getting all grown up maybe you can go out and begin looking for a relationship in your life. Then you can focus on your relationships not his.

As for the child support, yeah I think he should pay it. Is it work making a stink over? that will depend on how much longer the kid will be at home. You don't want make an entire future of family meetings sour (weddings etc) You might just write or talk to him to let him know that his own children feel left out as carefully as you can for the sake of their relationships with him.

Tough decisions. I feel for you.

Answer 7

A woman who doesn't require anything doesn't get anything. Why have you let your ex get away with paying less child support, and why were you so concerned about his new wife, when your own children were hurting? What gave you the right to deny your children what was rightfully theirs? Child support is for them, not you. If nothing else, it can be saved for their college education. Over the past 10 years, how much money have they been denied of because of you?

You say you've been a good mother, but that's not true. Instead of getting on with your life, you've continued to love this man at the expense of your own children, who continue to hurt. Your allegiance should have been to them, not an ex husband who clearly does not love you.

Concerning you being a good wife, that may not be true either. Apparently, your husband came and went as he pleased. You put no demands on him, required nothing of him, and ultimately got nothing from him (other than the children). You were as passive in marriage as you are now. And most likely, your husband didn't show you the love you deserved, because you didn't require that of him.

You have one more child to finish raising and once that's done, you'll need to consider your future. Are you going to continue to love a man who has moved on, or are you going to dismiss the past and get on with your life? If this man hasn't paid the correct amount of child support for 10 years, he's not going to be receptive to it now. Even if you take him to court, you've set a precedent that may work against you. You've behaved foolishly, and you need to understand that.

Answer 8

it will make us bitter and hurt to see the new wife get what we did not. your allowing him to get by so cheaply enabled them to enjoy a better life at your expense, too late to do anything about it now i think, but get an attorney and see. there is no closure to this, no reason why he treated u different than her. it does hurt to see them prosper and do well when we did not. u needed to create a life for yourself a long time ago, and he should never have gotten away with paying less, just so they could live better, but u let him. maybe consider getting some therapy, as it is hard to get over some hurts. u can ask him for whatever u like but it doesn't mean he is going to give it. some things are best left alone, as this is only going to hurt u more in the long run, and open u up for more pain if he refuses to help u, which he may. he used u to have a better life for himself, and unfortunately u allowed it, and now your hurting, if u don't get some therapy it will leave u bitter and angry.

Answer 9

I was in the same situation until a few months ago, and no, you're not wrong. He lay down with you to make those kids that (you go girl!!) you supported by yourself, he should have the balls to stand up and help you take care of them. This will sound mean, but as for his wife getting cancer, that wasn't your fault, now was it? Why should your children have to suffer as a result? Despite what some people have said, you have every right to be bitter, and I would be, too. It's not that you still love him, it's that you think he should treat you with the respect that you and your kids deserve, since you are their mother, and he did marry you.

I'm in the same boat, honey. Row hard, and pray hard. Life will come out on top for you in the end. Be mad, be bitter, but use that anger and bitterness to make yourself stronger.

And watch "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." Similar situation, and hilarious to boot!!

Answer 10

I think you should request he pay the right amount. You did the nice thing and let him pay less for all those years and while his wife got better. If he wants it decreased then he should go through the legal process by filing a modification. Also, he probably treats his new wife better because of age. You know how men are when they are young - azzholes. But now he may understand woman and be more patient, just don't allow it to get to you.