How do I help him view counseling in a different light?

Question

My boyfriend and I both think we could benefit from individual and couples counseling; however, he can't get past the social stigma of going to counseling. I understand his point, and I know he wants to work on things for himself, for me, and for us, but I know how a stigma can keep anyone from doing what could be best.

How can I help him get past the stigma? He's open to it, so I'm looking for practical suggestions.

And yes, I know that if he really wants to work on it; nothing will stand in his way. I know he has to be ready. At the same time, I know that showing him how inaccurate the stigma is will help him be ready . . . if that makes sense (he's told me as much anyway).

Heather C, I see your point, and I used to think that way as well. However, I know he's the one for me, and he feels the same way about me. We'd like to sort our some of our problems (set goals, anyway) BEFORE we get married.

I firmly believe that even couples who are "meant to be" have problems that they can't solve without an objective party. In fact, I think the belief that couples who are meant for each other think they'll never have problems that merit counseling, so they don't go, and the problem gets out hand, thus leading to divorce. I think it's a major factor behind many divorces today. That's why I firmly believe EVERY couple who intends to marry or is already married should have to go through counseling for a year. I think it'd assist in lowering the divorce rate.

Counseling doesn't mean a relationship is in jeopardy. It just means that there are issues that can't solved without an objective and fresh perspective.

Answer 1

I've avoided counseling pretty much my whole life up until a month ago. Mainly because I thought the same way as your b/f. I have come to realise that sometimes we just need an objective opinion to maybe see where we are doing thing's right or wrong and how to improve our quality of life within ourselves and our relationships with others. Ask him to go 3 times with you and 3 times by himself. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to go back. That doesn't include going to the initial assesment.

Answer 2

Please forgive me for saying this, but I don't think it's a good sign when you have to resort to counseling when you aren't even married yet. Obviously you both see that there's something here worth saving, so that's good. But if you're already seeking counseling before you're married, are you really sure this is the right person for you, for life?

The only reason I say this is because I'm beginning to ask myself the same question. My BF and I aren't in counseling and haven't discussed it, but I've thought about it...and now I'm questioning whether counseling is the right thing to do, or if we're just simply not good for each other.

Best of luck to you, though. I hope you find someting that works for you both.

Answer 3

begin the counseling by yourself. he will see how much you are committed to it and how it has helped you and then maybe he will decide to go too.
premarital counseling may be a good type for you two as well. that has less of a stigma - and is good for all couples who are thinking of getting married.

Answer 4

Social stigma? If he feels that way, tell him he doesn't have to tell anyone he's going to counseling. That fixes that excuse.

Answer 5

try having a couple who has been thru a lot but held it together counsel you. Someone who is bias and can hear you out and provide good answers/solutions. Friends/family of his if need.

Answer 6

counseling for what?
Counseling is mostly nonsense.the person you are telling your problems to do not have time to really understand what you have a problem with something.eg.say you are irritated with your spouse smoring.the counseler will tell you some stupid thing like, 'in a relationship,you got to learn to be tolerant.'would that help you?