What should I do?!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we have two girls. Here is my Problem. He will not stop l looking at porn online. I have had many talks an many argurments about this. With the last one I even left for a couple days. I just don't like the fact that he is "getting Off" with some one besides me. I mean he says phone sex is cheating but what is the difference between the two! I was looking at the history on the web for about a month with no Porn sites listed so I stopped. Then yesterday I went to Metcafe and there was so many naked girls he had looked at it was gross! I feel like crap! It is like every thing he said was a lie. I said something to him last night about it( my kids were around and I did not want to fight in front of them expecitlly when it is about porn) His excuse was I am a man. Well I am a woman but I am not a stay at home mom I do not wear dresses and act all proper. You are in charge of your self! I just don't know what to do! I am so mad!

Just a note. This has effected our sex life. I have a higher sex drive( 1-2 daily) than my hubby(once a week). So when he is looking at porn I get nothing. + we are trying to have a baby! I feel really mad and lost!

Answer 1

Internet porn is a dangerous addiction...and the danger is what is does to the relationship. Many men casually look at naed women and do a little self-service...this is completely normal as a woman should be expected to do the same thing.

Here is the problem...some men project their desires into this fantasy world and become addicted to the point they loose their jobs, family, finances and friends.

You and your husband have to come to an understanding. If he isn't paying for it or is nt having them e-mail him, you probably are okay...he just may have some issues needing addressed either by compromise or by a little counseling...

If he is paying for it...watch out. THis almost destroyed my wife's best friend's marriage. The guy was paying for it, having them e-mail him...trying to get him to commit to a 'meeting' and we think he did it on several occasions. No matter what the couple tried and how much she threatened he still went about his business and he used the 'I am a man speech'

There is the double edged sword...to know whether your man is still yours or does his looking mean something else... in my experience, as I am a man, looking doesn't mean I find my wife any less attractive, but again...I am am not trying to hide anything from her and we are always open to discussions...even about nudy pics.

you guys have to find your middle ground...

just read the last note...there is a problem...counseling is needed. when it takes away from actual nookie time...there is a problem.

Answer 2

I was in this same situation with someone that I was dating. For the first time in my life, I started to feel insecure. He seemed to prefer porn over me and I was making it my problem instead of recognizing that it was his. Flipping through the occasional Playboy is one thing, hours on the computer porn sites are another. His excuse is he is a man? Well, you are a woman, and women need to feel desired by the man they are with; but while he fulfills his needs, he is denying you yours! Two kids is a big investment, but you haven't wasted years with him yet. Do you see yourself living the rest of your life this way? Because let me tell you, these kind of men don't change. I would suggest you both seek counseling as a couple before taking any drastic actions, but if he's already lying about this matter, it's most likely he'll be doing the same with other matters. I understand your feeling of anger and betrayal. But don't let his indulgences dictate who you are, or aren't. The problem is his and should not be taken as though you are lacking anything. You just have to decide if this is worth it all. Emotions can cloud our judgment, so again, seek counseling as a couple, and if he won't go, go for a few sessions yourself so that a professional can steer you in the right direction and give you the tools you will need. Stop giving up the idea of having another child until this issue is resolved in one way or another. You may think your sex drive is higher, but he's most likely pleasuring himself while looking at these sites. Men like this usually have true intimacy issues. BTW Intimacy is not synonomous with sex. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I know this is a rough problem to deal with. Porn, just like alcohol, drugs, and tobacco, is addicting. Some say that it is even harder to break an addiction with pornography than it is to break an addiction with any physical substance. He may know that it hurts you, but he's addicted and with addictions it's very hard to overcome. This may sound strange, but if he was to follow the 12 step program of alcoholics anonymous, only put pornography in the place of alcohol, it might do him some good. I used to struggle with pornography too, but I've been going through the steps and I'm amazed at how much it has helped. Nevertheless, he needs to want to overcome it. Very few people in today's society think there is anything wrong with viewing porn, but studies have shown that porn is the root of so many other problems. Talk to him and see if he's willing to really try to overcome it. If not try to remember that it is an addiction that is hard to overcome. That might help you have some patience.

Answer 4

Well the good thing is that you are able to communicate these concerns with your spouse. If he is not exposing the children to these pics that is good, but if your kids can access these sites also or are watching daddy then it is not a good thing. If he continues to views these pics and you believe it to be problematic then perhaps the two of you may need to seek the advice of either a professional sex therapist or family counselor. The odd time to view these images is quite normal for majority of males. But when it becomes an obsession then it is not healthy for either the man or the marriage. Communicate your concerns with your husband in a mature and open minded manner and hopefully you can resolve this issue without seeking help from outside. But if needed please do seek help as it is worth saving your marriage. Best of luck and hopefully your man is open minded enough to discuss this with you and state his side of the story while hearing your side.

Answer 5

You pose an interesting question. I am male and since I started answering questions and yaddah I run into your type question often. So, I went to the word sex in google and found what I guess is a number of porn sites. Am a little puzzled myself as to why men (or women) would go there as it seems like a waste of time. Men like to whine about their problems and ocassionaly women like to whine also. From what I observed it seems that both parties at those sites spend all their time whining about one thing or another or complaining about money or nobody understands them; and so on. It sort of puzzled me so I cannot give you any kind of answer that makes any sense to me; nor would it to you. There is one thing that flashed into my mind that I would like to pass on to you; I had the fleeting thought that all these people seem to have too much free time on their hands that could be used more productively otherwise. Good luck and my best wishes.

Answer 6

There is nothing you can do. He will not change if he doesnt want to. Best thing to do is really talk and tell him about how it makes you feel. DONT yell and scream at him..... it will just make it worse. Also, if he likes it so much, look at porn with him. Most likely he will feel embarassed andf not do it any more. When you see in history what he has looked at, bring it back up on the computer and make comments about it. not badcomments, make it seem like you enjoy it too. say things like...... OH LOOK hun, I can do that too and I bet I would look better in that out fit. Pretty soon hes taking you to the bedroom and not worried one bit about what was just on the computer screen!!!

Answer 7

Have you tried enjoying the pornography with him? Take the stigma of porn out of the equation. Go to your local "adult" store and ask a saleswoman what she'd recommend viewing. Buy it, bring it home, watch it, then watch it together. (when the children are at grandma's/school etc.).
Find your inner seductress and seduce your husband with live porn at home. Wear seductive attire while alone, make yourself a banquet for him to feast on.
If you are the porn queen in the bedroom he'll have less time and be less likely to hide. Naked women and porn will lose their effect over him because the woman he has at home is BETTER(the best).

Answer 8

Many women today have that same problem with there husband or mate. But if your husband is constantly getting off by watching porn something wrong. Maybe yall need to seek advice about what to do to prevent this.

Answer 9

well first of all , he has shown that he has no respect or love for you because he refuses to quit being a pervert.. i went through the same with my husband. I chose to leave because no matter what he has shown that he is not going to change what he is doing ...he chooses to give you the excuse that he is a man..a true man would give it up if he knows how much it offends you...and apparently he isnt thinking about his children either if he is looking at it where they can see it too..
think of your children and get out while you can...and leave him to his porn..let his porn fix his food, do his laundry and the things that us real women do...
you will find someone that you deserve...and not a pervert...

good luck

Answer 10

This may be a bigger problem than you realize and your husband may be unable to stop on his own. He may need to seek professional help with this matter. He first has to admit that he has a problem before anything can be done to help him. If he doesn't believe that there is true problem or that he is doing something wrong, he may not stop.

I hope the both of you get the help you need. Hang in there and remember that a rainbow comes at the end of a storm. :-)