My friend is really trying my patience...help please!?

Question

This person & I have been friends for years. She was in counselling for a few years also, but it doesn't appear as though there was anything resolved. She always wants to know my business, and when Im reluctant to share, she presses me. Whenever I'm happy about something, she makes a negative comment. Very rarely will she ever give a compliment without a negative factor thrown in. She's always complaining about her job and the working hours. No matter what I suggest to her, she throws in negative comments. I'm at the point where I don't want to share anything with her because I know she'll try to spoil it with her attitude. She's lazy and is becoming very careless with her personal hygiene. When anyone attempts to talk to her about things she becomes very defensive and considers their suggestion as being insulting. If I do something with another friend, she'll make comments about that person & she doesn't even know them. Its as though she doesn't want me having other friends. Help!!

With regard to her personal hygiene, recently a Manager at her work discussed it with her but used her sour smelling hairspray as the excuse when a few days later, a supervisor was yelling at other workers to keep the back doors open because there was a foul smell in the place. Hairspray doesn't cause that type of bad odour. I think the H.R. person used the hairspray as an excuse to speak with her about her terrible body odour.

Also, be reminded that when attempting to speak with her, even though diplomacy is used, my friend becomes defensive and believes people are insulting her rather than helping. I can't figure out why her sisters haven't detected the odour or she herself for that matter.

Answer 1

I had a friend like this in school also. We no longer talk now. I would start to faze her out. There is no reason to harsh, but you really don't need to be around anyone that makes you feel bad or makes you angry. Move on and make some new friends. Friends should be supportative and compliment you. If they don't then it's better thay they just become someone you say "Hi" to every once in awhile.

Answer 2

This is a toxic friend. Think of it this way.People just outgrow people. It happens everyday. So try to look at it in that respect. I, myself, put up with a "best friend" who was just the same way for many years and it felt like she was sucking the life out of me. I talked to her about it many times to no avail. After being totally drained from our friendship for sometime... and even the sound of her voice, when I picked up the phone exhausted me....I decided to move on for my own sake as she obviously wasn't any too concerned with my well being! So this is what I did. Every time she would call and I would hear her voice, I would immediately say "Can I call you back in awhile? " And she would say "Okay" and I would say "Bye", hang up and not call her back. During the first few weeks that I did this, she would ask "Why? What are you doing? and I would immediately say, I'm in the middle of something, bye" and I would hang up an not call her back. When she would call to ask why I was avoiding her, I would say (you guessed it) "Can I call you back?..... " I did this every time no matter what. I made sure that my doors were locked at all times during this period and when she would stopped over I would not answer the door. She could just figure that I went someplace in somebody else's car or that I was taking a shower and didn't hear her at the door. Eventually the phone calls stopped, hence, the co- dependency with one another stopped. I didn't need to explain anything to her. I did enough explaining during my prior talks with her about the matter. I am now a much healthier person for it. I hope she is too and wish her well. Good Luck

Answer 3

She sounds depressed clinically and may even be entering into a mental illness that prevents her from caring for her daily needs. She lives with someone I presume. Does that person have influence and/or responsible for her? As for you, you could be more helpful if you investigated and were more forthright. You should say that your business is private, of course, and she knows that. If she becomes unhinged then she has mental health area problems that need professional intervention and meds. You can say, "You know, Ethel, you are always so negative about things that are positive and good, what is the problem there?" Finally, if she does not get help and seriously involve herself, you must cease or reduce greatly all contact. We have to live in the real world.

Answer 4

ummm...you need to tell her. she obviously isn't happy...most likely with herself. just be positive regardless and when she makes a negetive comment cancel it out with a positive happy comment...do your best to not let it get to you and be happy. she might get the idea after a while.
as for wanting to know your business...tell her what you feel you can but don't be pushed into telling her anything else. she may feel lonely and unwanted and by knowing your business she feels like shes in the loop

Answer 5

girl dont you know misery loves company she is just trying to make you and depressed as she is thats not a real friend i would say get a new one

Answer 6

Ditch her...life's too short to be dealing with that kind of negativity.