I have been married for almost 5 years....for the past few years my marriage has gotten worse... he calls me a lazy whore..tells me he is going to leave me the way he found me; I didnt have a car or hardly any money... He recently called my kids who dont belong to him bastard kids... he tells me that I could not make it without him....He tells me that he is tired of supporting me and my kids.....he says we take all of his money.....Nothing is ours its all his...but yet when I work he begs me to quit that he wants me at home.....I am currently a student; I am trying to get into the Nursing Program..... he recently told me that I would never get into nursing and proceeded to tell me how dumb I am......He never treats me bad in front of people its always behind closed doors.... He has hit me before....more than once.....What do I do?????
2007-01-02 00:55:05 · 13 answers · asked by crazygirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
set up a hidden video camera and tape his behavior...make sure he doesn't find out....then call the police...get a lawyer and get rid of him...good luck
2007-01-02 01:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a therapist. There are many of them out there that you can see for free (at least the consultation). Look them up on your breaks at school and find one that's willing to see you while you are supposed to be at school and who will do it for free. In fact most colleges offer some form of support to women like you as well. I suspect that your husband could get violent if he finds out you are doing this which is why i suggest the secrecy. The therapist/counselor will be much better equipped to help you out of this situation. Other than that, document it. If you cannot keep a journal e-mail yourself. Keep a folder in your in box of "abuse" or whatever and e-mail yourself each day with the things he says to you or how he touches you. If he ever puts in writing anything mean put it there as well. That way when you do want to leave you have something to document what you've been going thru. And if he ever hits you again, take pictures. If possible e-mail them to yourself and keep in this folder. That way where ever you go you have access to your abuse record. And don't worry about your word against his, worry about getting you and your kids out safely. Good luck.
2007-01-02 01:17:11 · answer #2 · answered by blhenne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to man like that 8 years ago. He talks to you like that because he wants you to BELIEVE you can't make it without him. He's a control freak and uses his fists and his words to break you down.
Stay in your nursing program and look for a job. Leave him as soon as you can and make SURE he won't be able to find you. Tell all of your friends and family what's going on so they can help you.
You can get a restraining order against him because of the physical abuse. Please do NOT stay with this man. I know from experience that IT WILL GET WORSE. My marriage ended with my ex trying to kill me but God watched over me.
Get out now while you still can and GET YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!
2007-01-02 02:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by berkeleygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do you. Overcome. Finish your Nursing Program and get some support. A psychotherapist, someone to talk to. When you have your degree, move out.
On the otherhand...
I think you could work it out!
Just stand up for yourself and hit him back and speak in a strong tone controlled tone. Say "Don't hit me!" and "What Muthafuc*er! You better back up." or something like that. He should back off, I mean if he's normal enough to work, he's normal enough to know when a fight isn't worth it. You can do it! Make him back away from you with your body language. If he beats you badly , you have to leave him, because he's a monster and it will never work. But if he's really a nice guy, and a few times he showed you his strength but you know he never really would hurt you, you should just stand up for yourself.
Basically you have to take control of the situation. Think of yourself as a power-suit-woman, your " not going to be pushed around anymore!" Be of few words and much action. Good luck with school.
Oh yeah, don't be afraid to be independant. You remember independance...
2007-01-02 01:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by Swampy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is the typical mental abuser and you would have no problem establishing this in any court of law. You need to get away from him as soon as possible. Stop letting him bully you. If there's somewhere you can go, you would be wise to leave now. Don't tell him you're leaving, though. Wait until he's out of the house (at work, or out of town) and leave.
In the meantime, go back to work if you can. Stay busy and bide your time until you can get away from this monster. Talk to an attorney, or someone else who can assist you in filing for divorce, and get out of this marriage as quickly as possible.
2007-01-02 01:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, #1, if he ever hits you again, call the police
#2, Proving mental abuse without at least a few adult witnesses could be difficult, but you could always divorce him. He sounds like a control freak, no matter what you do, he will find a way to make it wrong..........
2007-01-02 01:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by CuriousMishawaka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he treats u like this he doesn't like u or love u. he is a negative controlling person who wants to keep u down, wants u not to believe in yourself. people like him will only hurt your self respect and self esteem. your also in a very unhealthy environment, for yourself as well as your children.he is trying to make u feel small, he doesn't want u in the nursing program, as once u get a degree it will make it easier for u to break free of him. don't quit your schooling if u listen to him, u will be doomed forever. if he has hit u and is emotionally abusing, get away from him, any way u can. he will hold u back, he wants to keep u down and feeling bad about yourself, so u won't be better than him. he feels once u get into the program u will leave him, he is very insecure. your in a marriage with this guy, and nothing is yours, he certainly doesn't like u or himself. how we treat others is actually how we feel about god. u need to leave him, he is who he is and u can't change him, he wants to keep u tied to him, he wants to control everything, he wants to make it so u can never leave him. if u want to make it through nursing school u will have to end the relationship with this man. can't secede there with alot of personal problems.
2007-01-02 01:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just ended a 28 yr old relationship like that. Honey get the **** out of there it will only get worse. Do yourself a favor get out now. You can not spend the rest of your life being miserable and be littled by a jerk like him. YOU are a better person than that and deserve to be happy.
2007-01-02 01:51:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go file for divorce as soon as you can. Your lawyer will believe you and so will the courts. Just by questioning him they will be able to see he is lying. They see this sort of thing many times a day. And you will have the protection you and your children need from him. You WILL win, if you can find it in you to be brave and fight him, through the courts......DO IT!
2007-01-02 01:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce and move on with your life.
There is only two things that could make a Man that mad and be so cruel to a woman and that is he has a beautiful Mother and a horrible Father.
2007-01-02 01:23:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋