i have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 5 years. i am only 31 and am really unhappy in my marriage, all i want is to be happy and that is not going to happen if i stay with him. we do not go out together or have the same friends, we have a 4 year old daughter, what am i entitled to if i want a separation, do i have to leave the marital home??? i would keep my daughter with me. i care for him but do not love him anymore.
2007-01-02 00:34:49 · 24 answers · asked by gimma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been divorced for nearly four years now, and had known my husband for 12 years.
The best start would be for you to go and see a marriage counsellor to help you to get things clear in your mind and give you the strengh to talk to your husband.
Now you have to know that it's not going to be easy, even though you are the one to make the decision.
You are going to go through different stages, naming: freedom, joy, guilt, anger, sadness, etc...
But if you have made up your mind and want this then you should end up fine.
Also, try and read some books.
Try and part in good terms with your husband.
As for what you are entitled to, you should see a solicitor for a separation agreement.
The fact that you keep your house or not will depend on your husband good will.
All the more reasons to try and do things amicably as much as possible.
Make sure you discuss about access to your daughter, school days and holidays.
If you don't have family to help, you need to know that things can get tough.
I am not trying to put you off, but having been there and done that, I know it's really hard.
On the other hand, I'm happier for having done it.
But it was for the right reasons, and through thick and thin, that was my consolation.
Don't expect to meet someone else very quickly either. It may take some time.
Good luck.
If you want to contact me, feel free.
Good luck.x
2007-01-02 03:20:52 · answer #1 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you guys are separating because she doesn't know which financial plan to choose? Or you're separating for an unstated reason and are now arguing about money. if 1st. That's a very dumb thing to tiff over though it may seem important to you or her or both. The most important thing is that you value her above anyone else and trust her to mix your life with so that you both can be better people. Try not to anticipate what she's thinking or saying, and ask her. She probably doesn't really know. Which ofcoarse make communication a big problem. If 2nd Because I can't see why you're separated and help with you find your own mutual solution, I must assume it is a good reason. With that assumption, then you should definately find a lawyer you're comfortable with, check around, lawyers know lawyers so asking one you've used in the past for a refrence is always a good idea. Personal note: My wife and I have been having a problem that neither of us could figure out. She was just getting really frustrated and further frustrating me. After we sat down and talked about it for about an hour. (with no shortage of sarcasm and insults on both sides of the fence) We discovered that we see free time differently. I work hard and play hard. Where as she has to relax and not plan to relax but just let relaxing happen. An absolutely foreign idea to me. We discovered that she really does think I'm a great husband and appreciates me. Really. But just felt like I didn't want to spend time with her, because I didn't know how to relax like she does. So now to fix the problem, I relax with her as best I can. Without having to "do somthing" like watch a movie or go see a show or even plan to read a book together just relax and thats what makes her happy. And with the problem out in the open we can more easily address it in the future. Good luck. It's hard work but it's totally worth it.
2016-05-23 05:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think divorce and separation is the answer? You could be unhappy just because you are unhappy. Why do you see separation as the answer to unhappiness. Try to find something in life to be happy about. It may not be an issue with your husband. You should talk with your husband. Maybe get a hobby or a job or something in your life to improve your own self esteem. You could just be experiencing a little depression. The grass is not always greener on the other side. When you set these chain of events in motion you will effect two other lives and there is no guarantee that you will be any happier than you are now. If your husband is a relatively good man, try to work it out before you do anything rash.
2007-01-02 00:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by ARM 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There is no set rules for this. He may fight for your daughter. What you are entitled to is 50% of the marriage assets, like 50% of the profits from the house if sold off. However it is either up to you both as mature and responsible adults to decide how things are broken up, or for it to descend into a squabble with every plate and CD fought over and your solicitors making a bag full of cash out of you both.
Best thing to do is talk about it and to try to resolve it like adults, but in this day and age, it is more often the case that the family home would need to be sold, so that both of you have a chance of starting again in more modest accommodation.
2007-01-02 00:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just so you know, the child belongs to both of you. If you don't love your husband, that's one thing. It doesn't mean you have the right to deny him a relationship with HIS daughter. Neither are you "entitled" to anything. Your daughter is a person, not a piece of furniture to be bargained for. You sound like a very self-involved woman and your husband is probably better off without you.
2007-01-02 00:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford the mortgage (I presume there is one), then ask him to move out, but dont demand the family home if he pays the mortgage, as that really isnt fair, and altho I am female, I dont agree when partners split up that the wife gets the home and everything in it and the husband still pays for it and ends up with nothing, after all, it is his home too so why should he have to move out? Also, as its you who wants to leave him, it should be you on principle that moves out, not him.
The best advice you will get is from a solicitor or from CAB. Citizens Advice will be free, but a solicitor may charge.
2007-01-02 00:49:33 · answer #6 · answered by sel2k00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-28 12:51:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure that you can't be happy with him then file for divorce or a legal seperation. Idon't believe you'll have to leave the home especially if you are going to care for your child. Don't stay b/c you'll only start developing hatred towards him and may take it out on the child not on purpose but it can happen so I suggest you seek legal counseling and let that relationship go.
2007-01-02 00:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counseling first, just to see if the marriage is salvageable, marriage is work in progress 24/7 and you can never let up, give yourself a chance 17 years is a lot of years to let go.
2007-01-02 00:50:49 · answer #9 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this "marital home" paid for? If it is and you stay you would need to pay him for his half and if it isn't and you stay you would need to make the payments. You are entitled to half of what you accumulated, but also half of the debt that may have been accumulated. Only having been married for 5 years means that he doesn't pay maintenance.
2007-01-02 00:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by Tiffany Seymour 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋