Who's right in this Lovers tiff? READ ON?

Question

OK heres the deal...I reackon she needs my love to help with her depression...only she thinks shes better off alone...I am depressed too and I need her to help me outta mine! i reakon if we just love each other and take things bit by bit, have trust and rely on one another we could come though this....what do you reackon?

Answer 1

Nobody needs love.Its something we give and recieve because we want too.If you`re both depressed then a relationship is the last thing you need(either of you)Have a good relationship with yourself,love yourself and then maybe embark on a relationship.Neither of you can help either out of depression.Its an illness not a mood.Work on yourselves individually and then work on a relationship when your both happy.

Answer 2

Trouble with living like that is the one has to rely on the other all the time. We have the same problem at our house, i get depressed and when i am depressed he gets depressed and because he is depressed i get even more depressed, it is a vicious circle. It always ends up with one of us acting stupid or saying something funny and the depression lifts.Best thing to do, well i do it, is i will start talking off things we did in the past , things that made us laugh and take our minds of the immediate problem and eventually all is fine. Depression is hell hey. I feel sorry for both of you , why not see your DR and get some Citilopram [ Hope i spelt that the right way ] it is helped me and i feel much better now. Take care ok:)))

Answer 3

If you are truly experiencing depression, then you both need to seek medical advice before going your seperate ways. Depression in one spouse is hard enough to deal with, but when both of you suffer, then the marriage will just keep deteriorating until there isn't anything left to salvage. Ask her if she will seek counseling as a couple, explain your situation to the therapist and see what they have to say about the relationship. Isolation will not improve her emotionally, she can't see this because of the depression, but with the proper care and medications if that is necessary, then maybe you two can start to piece your life back together. Peace.

Answer 4

With some people, they feel they're better off sorting out their problems on their own without anyones help.
I know you're struggling too, and you feel you need her loyalty in order to get through your depression, but maybe backing off will be a good idea.

I'm not saying you should break up, cus i can see you both have very strong feelings for eachother, but maybe you could give her the space she wants.

Remind her that if she needs anyone, that you'll be there to help, so she knows shes not alone. Meanwhile, you find someone like a close mate who will be willing to help you with your depression and get yourself sorted, and then you'll be in a better state to help your girl.

Answer 5

Whats this about 'needing her'?

I think you both would be better off alone, meaning not in a relationship, while trying to sort out your depression. As you are both depressed, your depression will rub off on each other and will probably make things worse.

I think if you both just stay friends and help each other thru this, then you will see the benefits in the future. Dont pressure each other and I'm sure things will work out just fine.

Answer 6

I don't think this is a lovers tiff....... If you love her as you say you do, and she thinks she is better off alone, than you have to let her go, if she loves you, she will come back. sometimes being alone is what people need to realize you need or want some one to help you out.
You can both get through what ever it is that's making you both depressed..... I know you think you need her to get through this. But, how about letting her do what she wants and you go talk to a counselor and get things straight in your head, so that when she is ready to talk and love you fully you are ready for it. You cant help some one unless you can help your self first.

Answer 7

This could go both ways really. Sometimes when a person is depressed the person they most rely on is their GP or whoever thier GP refers them too, and their medication. Sometimes being in a relationship when you or they are depressed may result in continous bickering which could escalate into the unknown. Your love for each other may withstand this, but please dont be bitter if it doesnt. Why not give each other a little space for an agreed amount of time and take it from there?

Answer 8

Well Homie, I suggest you get some outside counseling ASAP, sounds like you are both spirilling downward, not uncommon, but dangerous.

Pull the chute cord, and hang on, it wont be easy to get through this but you dont want to hit rock bottom of depression. It is an immpossible thing to get over.

Well, I hope that you seek out some help, start with your closest family memebers, and work your way up to formal counseling if that sdont work.

Also, checkin in to church wont hurt either.

My 10Cents

Answer 9

If she thinks she is better off alone, then she aint gonna change her mind. Sorry. You cant rely on another person to lift you outta depression, only you can do that. I would focus on getting yourself better first, this wouldnt be good for either of you to become so reliant on each other.

Answer 10

Depression is a hard thing to get over.
Maybe you need her to help you with yours and maybe she needs you too but for now she wants to be alone. Just be there when she does call upon you. That's all you can do. With you negging her it's only going to make her worse. Trust me I have been there.
She will come round!!