Mid-Life Crisis?

Question

Mid-Life Crisis?
I recently turned 35 years old and just started having these feelings of an incomplete life or unaccomplished life. I also got married (second marriage) about a year ago. I love my husband very much but I just feel like I'm missing something in life and it worries me. I've heard all these stories of women going through mid-life crisis's and I don't want to be another statistic. Again, I love my husband very much and none of the emotions I'm feeling have anything to do with finding sex or attention anywhere else. It's more about career and where I am in life (financially and geographically). Has anyone ever experienced anything like that and if so, how did you deal with it? Please, ONLY mature responses.

I have two teenage sons. One graduates in 2008 and the other in 4 more years. I got married (the first time) when I was 17 years old. I know I don't want anymore children because I'm looking forward to finally having some free time and doing things for me.

Answer 1

I'm right there with you.

A few years ago, I looked at my life and the word that came to mind was "typical". I had a husband, kids, house, career, etc...just like you are supposed to, but I thought I would accomplish more in life.

In my mid-30's I realized that I was setting the stage for where I would ultimately be at the end of my career. I saw that I was stuck in a pink-collar low level management position that had no future. It was this thought that spurred me to take a job as the director of an MBA program - in Bosnia and Herzegovina.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made and will set me up for a much brighter future.

So my advice is to focus on these feelings, and rather than wallowing in them, use them to inspire you to act. I started out by telling just about everyone I knew that I was looking for a bigger challenge. It turned out that a distant acquaintance heard what I said and emailed me the description for my current job. I made a leap of faith and applied for it and the rest is history - or rather a great new beginning.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Yes. I'm still in the middle of mine. I was in a terrible 18-year marriage with three children. I was coming up on 40 and just knew that I was missing what I needed and had to find a way to be fulfilled. I finally ended the bad marriage and moved out to another city while my kids finished the school year and lived with their dad.

I met a wonderful man who has the time to spoil me emotionally and physically and he makes me believe in love - the kind that is unconditional and will last for the rest of our lives. We've been exceedingly happy and compatible for the last nine months. So, I'm very satisfied there.

We moved together to still another city and when my children are out of school in another three years, we look forward to retiring, buying a boat and living aboard.

I never really got much pleasure from working or school, though I am a college graduate, so that didn't bother me much - as far as not meeting career goals, etc..

For me, it was personal things. I gave myself a makeover last year and will undergo some cosmetic surgery next month, which I hope will give me the satisfaction physically that I crave as far as my mid-life figure.

So, no, I don't think that you are at all unusual in your feelings. It';s just how you intend to work them out. Personally, I needed the attention, you probably do not. You still have plenty of time to meet your other goals though, and once you get started in that direction, I'm pretty sure the feelings of incompleteness will go away.

Try to make a list of the things that concern you and work down it. A little progress will go a long way toward resolving your feelings.

Answer 3

I am 35 also, been married since 1990 to the same man. I do think it could be mid life crisis. I went thru this and am still in the midst of it now. I don't know if its because I got married young and never had the time i needed to do all the things I wanted before i started a family and so on. I think It's ok to feel like this. I felt like I was also missingg something, sooooooo

I Bought myself a new Mustang
I dyed my hair a nice blonde color.
I lost 30 pounds
I found a good bunch of friends to have time just with them.

I dont think its a bad thing. Just dont go overboard and mess up what you already have, add on to it.!!!!

Answer 4

What is it you want? If you feel your career did not reach the pinicle you feel it should have you should re-evaluate what you are doing. A career change might be called for. If you feel that your geographical area may be part of the reason for you not reaching your goals, talk to your husband. Maybe the two of you could move to an area that presents more opportunity. Bottom line, you need to figure out what you want and then make a plan on how to get there. Dont just leave it to chance, make it happen.
Make sure to include your husband on your thoughts.

Answer 5

I feel your pain so much I'm 36 about to get married for the second time and i have a 15 and a 16 yr old so I totally understand we tend to feel like we are nowhere where we should be in life but the hit to that if you believe in a power greater than yourself you are exactly where you need to be you needed to nurture the kids now it's time you nurture you a little bit and enjoy you. Like me I got married at 18 and had my kids by 20 and 21 so i never had time for me. I am now on my second semester in college and i am starting to enjoy my life. I do get those feelings of incompleteness or failure but i know i am where i need to be in my life doing the things layed down in my path for me to do!
Take so time to evaluate your life and get some hobbies to keep you active as women we go through these things it does get better just relax ok and my email is on my page give me a shout if you really need too!
God Bless!

Answer 6

Well, I'm 34 and have felt like my life is missing something for more than a couple of years. We do not have children and I don't feel like that's what I'm missing either. We have been married 6 years. I worked in a job for 7 years that I did not like. It was stressful, draining, and took alot of my happiness right out of me. I'm not sure what you're searching for except you could be experiencing "empty nest" syndrome as your children are almost adults. It's great that you love your husband and are confident that it's not your marriage that is lacking. I think we all need excitement and to keep our minds satisfied with learning also. Good Luck...and I hope you find peace.

Answer 7

You have undealt with baggage in your life and its crippling you. You need to address these problems. I sense you had rejection in your life and it makes you operate in a way that makes you unhappy and it will make you unhappy too. Rejection draws feelings of fear, jealousy, anger, pride, dissatisfaction, hopelessness, depression. I dont think you are reaching menopause yet. You might be beginning early but its highly unlikely. If you think it is go have a hormone level test.

Everyone hits moments like these somewhere or another. THere is a brilliant book on the market called THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE by Rick Warren. This book is excellent and maybe it is just what you need. If your relationship with your man is dying, he no doubt is not telling you that he loves you and this results in you feeling flat and unloved. THe good news is that if you show him respect and tell him that you respect him and what you respect him for you will be amazed at how men soften. It might not be immediate. Put it in a letter. Show him the respect he deserves. Men only want that from their ladies. They dont want criticism and demanding women, they just want repect and when they get that they become loving and cannot do enough for you. Get the book LOVE AND RESPECT by DR Emerson Eggerichs. Also to understand a man better read WILD AT HEART by John Eldredge and Captivating by his wife Staci Eldredge. Money will destroy you but love endures everything and love is forever. Love is kind and holds no scores or records of wrong doing, it is forgiving and yielding.

WHen you find true love you find everything.

I hope I made you feel better.

Oh there is something else. Become confident Get the book by Joyce Meyer called the confident woman. You can even watch her videos live on the internet if you go to www.joycemeyer.org

I really wish you to feel better and to find your purpose and to become a whole person again. May this year be the beginning of a new life and new start where YOU find you.

GOd bless you.

Answer 8

I think 35 is too early to have a mid-life crisis!

I think it is safe to say that everyone in their 30s looks at their financials and evaluates where they are. After all, most people in their mid 30s have probably found their career niche and are looking to start making some serious money. It's also the time when people start to "grow up" and realize that they have to start planning for retirement, kids education, etc. It can be stressful to say the least.

I suggest taking stock about what it really is that is bothering you. Take a few minutes and jot down what you think is the biggest concern for you. For the sake of argument, say it is money--that you have too much credit card debt. In that case, put yourself on a budget and set an aggressive yet achievable goal of eliminating the debt. It will give you "purpose", reduce the stress, and eventually make you happy that you kicked the debt out of your life.

Answer 9

You've obviously just had a lot of changes in your life. And more to come. 35 is a bit young to be worrying about such things. But if you are, here's what I did. I was nearing 40, I built a home in the country and made a complete career change. My new environment had me out making new friends and my new career gave me a real challenge. And that's the secret as I see it, throw yourself into something new, it'll take you mind off your "mid-life crisis".

Answer 10

It is very normal to feel the way you are!! If you do not like something about your life than change it! Go back to school and get an education in something else!

When we were younger, we visioned our lives with ambition and doing something great! However, for most of use...our lives did not turn out the way we wanted it to for so many reasons!!! You do not have to be a CEO for a huge corporation or a doctor. And, you do not need to drive a fancy car and live in a mansion to prove your life is great!!!

Think to yourself what you want and just do it!!! Look at your life...be happy your healthy and enjoy your life with your husband!! If you waste to much time being in a fog...you'll hate yourself for that tooo!!