my husband has being cheating on me.. we have being married for twuelve years.. he once had an affair that brought a child wich Im raising now because the mother is a looser who let other men sexually molested the little girl. After I came back because we separated for a year and so I made it possible for him to have his daugther I move heaven and earth to get this child for him... I tought that for sure he would never sleep around again till this new years... I investigated and ask and look till I found out when I confronted him he could not denied.. and the only thing he could come up with was to tell me he needed help!! he told our kids wht he done they are small 9,7,8 and they are very scared that we separate again.. I know telling the kids was his last resort he is begging for one more chance.. I told him I CANT SLEEP WITH HIM ANYMORE..and if and that is a big IF.. I was to stay it would be till the kids get a little older so they wont be traumatize about this.
2007-01-01 23:44:47 · 16 answers · asked by boricua_2290 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I demand for us to go get and HIV test and he is willing to get counseling.. but I feel beyond counseling.. I just want to leave am I doing the right thing by waiting for the kids to be ready for DIVORCE?? I am so confuse Im not sleeping with him right now not until after the test and even after that I dont think I can give him another chance.. the permanent custody hearing is on the 11th of this month and I know we will get the little girl the dcf case worker already told me they are not moving one pencil for this mother to get the little girl back my step daughter told me that she know that wht her daddy did was wrong but she dont want me to go.. my heart says stay for them but my soul is asking me to leave.. Im hurting so bad..
2007-01-01 23:51:09 · update #1
This man is terrible as a husband and a father. There is no way I could tell my 8 year old son, I cheated on your Mom and now I need your help keeping her in our lives." I know I am not perfect, but he moved from manipulating you , which is bad enough, to manipulating your children. Children are never ready for divorce. My mom has been divorces 3 times and my dad two times. This can be traumatizing to a child, but showing them that it is OK to take advantage of your wife is even worse. This teaches your children that you don't deserve to be treated with respect, and they will end up doing the same things in their future relationships unless you can show them differently. Show them that Mommy deserves respect, that she is a strong woman who will not put up with someone who treats her like sh*t. You deserve to be respected, honored, and cherished and your kids will understand that, if you show them.
2007-01-02 01:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by jason 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not interested in your feelings or your sense of security in this relationship. If he told the kids what he 'has done' (and I'm understanding this to mean being unfaithful to you), then he's manipulating the family altogether. That reflects poorly on him as a father as well.
I don't believe that staying together for the sake of your kids will have much success if they are at all perceptive (and your kids will be much more aware of the status of your relationship with your husband than you realize). It's also extremely unfair to you and would probably result in much graver problems than you realize.
Look at it this way: Your husband made choices. He was aware of consequences for those choices, but he made them any way. If he does need help, it's HIS responsibility to take the steps necessary to get that help as soon as possible. You MUST protect yourself, because you cannot take care of your kids if you aren't able to take care of yourself.
Not sleeping with him is a compromise. He's been living off of your compromises for years. You are NOT making him do ANYTHING if you enforce consequences that any reasonable person would expect in such circumstances: Separation and/or Divorce.
Think of it this way: How would you want your daughter or son to be treated when they are adults and in a marriage?
Please be good to yourself and talk with someone in your community on a one-to-one basis: Pastor, social worker, counselor...or even your doctor. He or she can be a good link to other resources/individuals who can be of great help during this time.
2007-01-01 23:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by CarinaPapa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you sleep with a enemy right next to you who treats you like s..... I am 25yrs. When I was 8yrs my parents divorce I was the oldest of four. My father was a w h o r e. It was hard to cope with it because I didn't know what's going on ? All of us four kids are on her side because I seen for myself how my father dated different woman while been married. So at 8 I knew why my mom was hurt. But i remember my mother sitting down with us and telling us about the separation, in other words you can't hide the situation from the kids. They are confused because they see fights, arguments, different people keep them away from that by settling down ( getting rid of him ). I am quite sure your kids are praying for you cause they don't like the living situation.You went through a lot of work specially raising a wedlock child I think is time for you to be stronger. And if you get divorce please continue raising that child because the girl doesn't have no one to rely on.
2007-01-01 23:57:09 · answer #3 · answered by LIZA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was no reason for your husband to discuss this with the children. Neither was there any reason for you to bother them with it. You needed to divorce this man when he cheated before and had a child for you to raise. What is wrong with you? Get rid of this man and get on with the business of raising these kids. Thanks to you and your husband, they've already been traumatized.
BTW: If the outside child was molested, it is just as much your husband's fault as hers. He should have been a father to the child, rather than just a sperm donor. Both you and your husband are disgusting!
2007-01-02 00:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't stay just for the kids it will damage them more. You are an exceptional woman to do what you did with this child. If you trust him and believe he will be faithful you must both go and get professional help if not and he has blown your trust then unfortunately you must move on
2007-01-01 23:49:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the pain of a spouse's affair. Only you can decide what is best for you and your children, though. If you are only staying for the sake of the children, that rarely works. A household filled with hate and regret and pain is worse than the alternative.
2007-01-01 23:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids are already traumatized, he told them what he did. What kind of reasoning was that to tell something like that to little kids? Boot him out, he's done enough damage.
2007-01-01 23:52:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ONLY REASON they are traumatized by this is because YOU told them! What's the matter with you, involving kids that young into something like that? YOU put the trauma on them, because you are using them as a shield. Grow up and get out, and STOP involving those poor kids!
2007-01-01 23:49:41 · answer #8 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he hasn't been remorseful, u sound as if u have done everything possible for this man, including forgiving him but it hasn't worked out as it should have. it seems to be a pattern of behavior with him, u certainly have gotten more than your share of pain with this man. what he did to u was unfair and unjust, and since its not a first time offense maybe u need to get out of it, let go of him, and if u can't sleep with him anymore than he will be cheating on u in the future, even when u slept with him, he still cheated on you. don't condone what he has done, make him leave the home, as u will not be able to move past this, as it has happened before, sometimes we can't do much if they choose this instead of us, we just have to let them go, and quit covering for them. get out of this bad environment and move on to where u don't constantly have to worry who your husband has been with. there are good days ahead of u, just got to let go of the things that hurt u. don't cover for him anymore, make him face what he has done to u. your kids are already hurt by this. make him face the consequences he caused by his own choices.
2007-01-02 00:04:37 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Continue taking care of the children. Consider him outside your life. Continue your life with these 2 options.
It's him, who should find a convincing, lasting platform.
Don't ho;d the burdon of finding a solution. it's his mistake.
Time sometimes is a good curer.
2007-01-01 23:55:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋