Im jealous of a woman I've never met before in my life. Help!?

Question

My fiance was once married before, he's been divorced for over a year. (we've been together since july 06). But im SOOO insanely jealous of him ex-wife. I've never met her before, thats the messed up part. She treated my fiance badly and put him in therapy. I know he has me, and I have him now, but still I get so jealous. Help!!

Answer 1

just take it day by day. evry time you have the urge to be jealous STOP!! THINK!!! calm down. You are making it hard on yourself. soon this will pass. I know how you feel. My sister in law was once my hubby's fiance. She is now my best friend. It takes time , and getting jealous in turn makes you get mad, then you take it out on your fiance.... am I right? He loves you or he wouldnt be with you. SOOOOO

every time you let this bother you think of something good between you and your fiance. soon that jealous feeling will disappear. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

It is common to feel rivalrous feeling toward the ex-WIFE, especially since she has had the titile you now long to possess.
Being Mrs. so and so would make you feel more secure, right away, instead of being miss almost so and so.
She still has power over your man, after all, she managed to put him in therapy, right?So, you see that as her having power over him emotionally. Of course you feel threatened.
The only thing you can do, is be yourself, and not the jealousy undermine your good qualities. Tell your fiance if he is talking about her, to shut up already, you do not want to discuss her. If he is acting like he is still in love, I have been down that ugly road, do not stick around, because a man holding on to his ex, will not give you the time or love you need.
You need to also work on your own sense of self worth, because when and if the ex is out of the picture, there will be other women to compete with, as there is always. And you have to believe in your man, and yourself worth, or you will always be fighting feelings of jealousy.

Answer 3

Sounds like you could use some therapy too, honey. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have issues now and then that we just can't handle alone.

Often times we are jealous of a past lover, even when we know it doesn't make sense. Perhaps a counselor can help you get to the bottom of it and dump her memory and get on with just lovin your man.

Answer 4

I know what you are goin through been there before.... But what you need to think is that he is with you now, and if you guys are engaged then he is obviously over her. This can get in the way of the relationship and if you keep obsessing over this it will ultimately make you loose him. If this is really something that is killing you so bad, maybe you need to talk to him about it, so you can be secure about the relationship. Communication is very important and if you can't solve this, like I said before it can get over this it will make things worse and you don't want that. Ask your self what is it that i making you fell this way and take it from there, but always remember that he choose you... good luck

Answer 5

You are jealous because her emotional energy still lingers. He carrys around his pain like a big necklace round his neck. It often happens that the x wife has created a pile of pain that even if it was bad can take time and attention from you.
She had a power over him that has been hurtful and you stand on the edge of that sad place. YOu want your man you want all of him.....you don't want his left over pain from this lady from his past. It is as if you have opened up each closet in his house and she lingers there.

I suggest couples counseling. YOu guys have a good chance of making it.

Answer 6

where to start? first ,please understand that "she" did not put him in therapy. the question to ask is -why did he allow her to treat him badly? has he learned through therapy,the factors that contributed to it? i can understand why you feel insecure . perhaps you equate the amount of damage she inflicted on him ,to the amount of love he must have felt for her. but that is not true. the way i see it ,he was damaged goods when he went into the marriage,completely incapable of understanding how to deal with her . now that he has had treatment,and is hopefully more aware of his previous problems, he will be in a much better position to understand the difference between a healthy ,uplifting relationship with you, and the unhealthy, abusive relationship that he had with her. im sure you are aware that your jealousy will destroy you and your relationship with him if you do not come to terms with it. he needs your support, not a whole new set of marital problems with you. you can do it!!

Answer 7

The past is over, what matters is the present. Focus on the "now"--bringing up his past a lot will not be helpful in anyway in your relationship. If she was much better than you, then your fiance should still be married to her.

Answer 8

Girl, u can't live in the past. By worrying about the past we miss out on our present and by using up our present to worry about the past, we mess up our future because we don't plan for it and prepare.

Eyes forward, think about how you are going to make it with this guy that you love and put all your effort into making it the best relationship you both will ever have.

Answer 9

If you are seriously considering marrying a guy with a past, you have to put up with all that stuff. Otherwise, get a guy who hasn't been married before and has kids. His responsibility will always be first to his first wife and children.

Answer 10

What you are feeling is very normal. Just keep telling yourself that he is with you now. You can really do a lot of damage in your relationship with him now by holding onto his past. Dwell on today and the possible future with him and be happy where you are!