I am 38 and and my self esteem is at rock bottom.I have been in a co-dependant relationship for 4 years with a wealthly man . Im from Canada and now live in Germany for the last year and a half. Im so sick of this situation dont want to live here anymore but my guy will not go back where I originally met him, in Canada. Hes dominent and uses his money as a weapon. I have fallen so behind on my career I feel so lost in my life. Hes made promises and didnt keep them. No marriage, no kids. I do everything for him ,including mothering his two kids from a previous relationship. Nothing in my life feels like theres a purpose. Im so depressed.I feel like I've been played. My money has been dwindled away and I dont have much to get stared with. How do I find my power and start over again, I want to come home. Lost
2007-01-01 19:47:43 · 17 answers · asked by Jacks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Okay..first off you can start again...TRUST ME!. Do you have any family or friends that you can go home to or stay with for a brief while? Leave him and go to them. Explain your situation. Make plans immediately. Get a job and save your money. Find your own place...as small and inexpensive as you can afford. The feelings you will have from these accomplishments alone will send you over the moon. Just take that first step. Don't be afraid. You can do it!! You had a life before him...you will have a BETTER life after him. Good Luck and God Speed!
2007-01-01 19:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. I know you're saying 'but that's too hard!' Hard, yes. Impossible, no. Everyone in this world has the courage to leave someone, they just have a hard time finding it. You have to start looking for a job in Canada, where you used to live. Buy a home or rent somewhere as your accepted to that job. Live life happily.
I know you can leave him, he's not a good man. Ask yourself, what good has he done to you? He's a scar in your life, let him go. Sure once you move you can contact him, by email or phone. But he can't stop you from leaving. But show him a warning first before you go, tell him you're leaving with or without him. Don't falter on your words, say it like you mean it.
Trust me, once you leave, sure there's that guilt you left someone you love for a long time. But once you're in Canada and all goes swell, it's as if the past was simply an old memory :)
Not only does this change you, but it changes him, in a good way. He will come to realize that money isn't all that powerful and that you're more bold than he thought. Think about it...
2007-01-01 19:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must consider your self worth. I am not talking about money. Clearly you had a life before him and he has decided not to follow the same life's plan you agreed upon. I am sorry but it appears that he has chosen you on a needs basis rather than a future. Consider the possibly that you are there for the sole purpose of being a provider for his children while meeting his physical needs. I am sure that is a depressing thought but you should consider it. I once had a professor that said he dated a women only because she could type and he was in college. I thought that was horrible but when you look around it appears that many marriages are for convenience rather than love. Don't allow yourself to be controlled emotionally as well as physically only to find that someone else ha met his needs in other ways. You deserve more in life.
2007-01-01 19:59:20 · answer #3 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just come home my friend. If you feel that your lost, I think you must go to where you were. Get your berings and start over. If funds are dwindling, then there is no time to lose. Pack your things and get out of there. If he has not met your expectations by now, Then really what are the chances that it will happen at all? Safe Journey my friend, Your must take the leap of faith by jumping into the great void of life. I hope thing go well for you.
2007-01-01 20:04:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just in case you haven't already realised it, what your partner is doing to you is abuse.
Do some self discovery. Find out what your strengths and weaknesses are, then use your strengths to pick you up and take you away from that relationship. Start your life over again. As a single female if you must. Decent guys are attracted to women to show some independance.
As a tip to get you started, you don't need a guy to survive. If your partner is playing mind games with you by using his money as a weapon, then leave him.
2007-01-01 19:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by Spikey and Scruffy's Mummy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's easy; Your in Germany.... go to the embassy and tell them your story, they will make sure you get home. You may have to pay the government back; but, that's better than spending a life with someone you do not care about or who care about you. Take the kids and plead for the protection of the embassy. By law they must protect you and your childern. Don't wait; things only get worst when your depressed about your life and relationshlip.
2007-01-01 20:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by denfasr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are hitting rock bottom which means the only way is up.
First of all reach inside of yourself and remember what you enjoy, what your passions are in life. This man chipped away at you over a period of time. It will take time to build yourself up. Work on changing the negative tapes in your brain. Eventually you will make your great escape from him as an adventure And you will rediscover who you really are. Put your foot down.....let him know what you need to get home. Make him pay your way. Hold your head up tall. You are NO longer his doormate.
YOu are a strong wonderful woman. I know you can do this.
2007-01-01 19:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just pick up and leave, go home. Find a new job, get a apartment, and starting looking at your life again once you are out from under the controlling wealthy man.
2007-01-01 19:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honey if you are a spiritual person you need to start praying and reading your bible and going to church....
See without God you are not anything and truthfully the only one can help you is him. It seems that you need to move on it is 2007 KEEP IT PUSHING....
You don't need a man for defintion of your self....THAT IS WHAT WE HAVE SELF ESTEEM FOR ESTEEM OF YOUR SELF and truly you haven't lost it you just need to rebuild it.......Look in the mirror analyze your life and when you are done and you still ain't happy that means you need to get rid of all the things in your life that are making you unhappy.....You are not lost the devil is a liar he wants you to feel like you are trapped but, baby the God I serve says uh huh we ain't gonna be the one getting played we gonna get our life together, he says depend on me I will treat you better than any man on the this earth can......
2007-01-01 20:53:04 · answer #9 · answered by how_ulovthat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you admit you're in a co-dependant relationship and aren't doing anything about it? It's because he's wealthy. You probably won't leave him as you've got a cushy lifestyle and everything you need. Maybe if you communicated to him your needs in the relationship and how you're feeling things may change. As long as you don't talk to him about it nothing will change.
2007-01-06 16:34:28 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋