i have been away from home 12 yrs now and have a mum,dad,sisters and brothers how dont answer the phone or my emails ...but if i sent money, they love me.
we are trying to save as much as possible to buy a house, moving every year when the least is up and changing schools for the kids is not very healthy. when i try to call them, its always( we need money) i fell guilthy that i dont call as much. i have to pay Mr bills ,rent and save but they do not inderstand that i can not for a little while sent something. what can i do? i have 2 kids to look after first.
2007-01-01 19:39:12 · 24 answers · asked by slowyloo7 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It seems from your problem that you are going through a very critical phase of your life as you have your own family (wife and children) to support to on one side and your parents on the other side. This phase is experienced by a lot of guys like you and me where we move into a separate phase of life i.e. leaving mom and dad and moving out with our wife and children to start the life afresh and from scratch...
According to the mentioned problem, you say that ur parents love you only when you send them money and whenever you call them, they say that they need money. I feel the way you are takign your parent's requirements is negative. I can understand that you have a family to support, but this does not mean that you neglect your parent's requirements.... coz they have taken care of you so much... that today you are at a level where you can say that i am sending money to my parents.....
I do understand that you have to buy a house... give education to your children and pay teh bills... why dont you try and do what i do every month to balance my family and the requriements of my parents...I call it BUDGETING....
Exactly..... A very simple process.... Just a 3 step process......
1. Find out the requirements of your family and your parents. ie. find out how much money your parents need every month... how much money you spend on your children's education... ... how much you need to save every month... how much money you require to pay your bills...fix the exact amount of money you are spending every month.
2. Adjust the above calculated figures as to how much you earn every month and find out how much money you have spare or you are falling a deficit of? If you have excess money... save it... invest it so that it grows.... if you are falling short of required money.. find out where can you afford to reduce the amount you spend ( if necessary disconnect the telephone line or the internet line to bring down your monthly bills.... spend less on gas and electricity)....so that you have some money left in your hands....
3. Keep a record of every money you spend from your salary...
I have been following this 3 step since last 15 years.... i had the same problem what you are facing right now years before when i had got married.... and now i am happy and satisfied.... coz due to effective BUDGETING only i can take care of my parents and my children equally....
Please let me know if you have more questions??
Best of luck and dont lose hope... remember
There is always light at the end of a tunnel...
Bye.
2007-01-01 19:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by Piyush Bhatnagar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered your own question "I have 2 kids to look after first" Believe it or not your family changed when you had your two children. Now all those that were your family have become extended family. They only exist through the grace of your heart. Some day your children will look at you and say Mom took care of me at all costs. And hopefully they two, if ever faced with the decision, will choose to provide for their children first also. Although it is sad you have made the right decision.
2007-01-01 19:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww how sad.. It is interesting that they only call you when they need something wow you have been gone for 12 years and have a faimily on your own... They need to wise up you never really miss something untill it is gone.. That is when they will see what the problem is and hopefully they will stop...Faimly always thinks that you should put them first but in fact yo uhave your own life and responsabilty any how you are free to do you so do it honey dont let them cause you stress and hurt ok hope this helps.....
2007-01-01 19:47:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really sad and I feel for you. Stop feeling guilty because you don't owe your family anything. Your brothers and sisters can also help out! The fact that you are trying to make something of your life should make your parents proud without putting pressure/guilt on you to provide for the family. Sort your life out first ... if they can't understand that then maybe you should stop calling for a while - your main priority is to your partner and children.
2007-01-01 23:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids need you!! Do not worry about your parents and siblings they are old enough to take care of themselves. I know it is not easy to fight that guilt you love your family dearly however your family is hurting your kids and no one has the right to do that. If it means not talking to them the do that, if at a time your able and still feel the need to help them out then do so but not until you have your own affairs in order. Good Luck, and here's a hug to let you know its ok your doing right by your kids.
2007-01-01 19:47:30 · answer #5 · answered by enoughmichele04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them to go and get a job then.
i can understand it being difficult to stop giving them money but it doesnt grow on trees.
you pay your bills, look after your childrena nd save for your childrens futures or whatever you want to save for.
phone them more if you feel guilty but dont feel bad for not lining there pockets.
they should notice you and your family, love and accept and want to be with you all, not only respond to you when they smell money coming.
put your foot down and if they only speak to you when you have money, they dont deserve you.
be happy with your children and all the best for the future.
x
2007-01-01 21:51:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard when you live away from home.But you are not responsible for all your siblings.You have your own family now look after them, they are the most important ones now.Good Luck.Happy New Year.concentrate on you and yours and have a bit of fun, lifes to short to worry about others.Let them use each other.
2007-01-02 02:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by sue a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut your family out for now, they are not helping you and they aren't simpathic to your problems. You need to focus on your immediate family at home for now and stop worrying about them.
Just call to say hi and how are things. If they mention money, simply tell them it's not the right time.
2007-01-01 20:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really sad. That your own family only loves you for your money.
Do they have jobs. If not they should get one.
When you leave home, you do so to start a life of your own.
You are not your family's keeper.
The only family, whose welfare you are responsible for is your partner's, and your childrens'.
Tell your parents and siblings to take some responsibility for their own lives.
2007-01-01 19:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by Spikey and Scruffy's Mummy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband does. Every time he gets into telling someone a story or a joke he gets louder and louder and doesn't know it and we're always in a restaurant or something we're like "steve, lower your voice EVERYONE can hear you" HA HA
2016-03-29 04:11:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋