how to cope??

Question

I just lost my child. I gave birth prematurly to my daughter she was 20 weeks early, born alive and well, but too early to save. I almost lost my life as well, in surgury to remove the placenta. I am heartbroken. I am afraid of how my feelings are going to afect my family. i am having a very hard time coping. my children my husband this is changing me. i am sad and feel alone. i feel like no one knows how i feel i just want to let go. am i going to lose my husband by being so hurt over a child he barly knew and i feel like i had a bond with. are my reactions wrong to this. i feel empty inside, i am so confussed. how do i deal with this now. i know u can tell by my rambling i am lost please help

i would really like to thank everyone for their answers on my question. i am slowly starting to feel better. the first couple days are the hardest,

Answer 1

The loss of a child ANY child is hard to cope with.I am truely sorry to hear of yours and yes you do need a way to cope.When they offer you counselling take it,its often easier to sit in a room with other women who went through similar circumstances and grieve with them.Your husband I imagine loves you and has no idea how to heal this hurt you feel he must feel totally helpless right now.Instead of turning away from him turn into him hug him as often as you can cry as often as you feel the need mourning will happen no matter what so go with the flow of it.But don't drown in it.Go talk to a counselor talk to your doctor and talk to whoever will listen until you are able to acknowledge you had a devestating loss but that it was of a child and not yourself.
I had a similar loss years ago and it cuts you deep because yes you did have a bond and it was only just beginning.You'll feel incomplete and then go through a need to replace what was taken.However you choose to cope is up to you but it helped me personally to be in a group therapy with other women who were mourning their losses and mine as well.It felt good to be understood by people who tread that path and wouldn't think me silly...
It may not help right now but some day she'll return to you if you are still able to have her some day.Remind yourself of that in the darkest moments of your grief.She was a temporary angel for this moment and though this moment has passed and she went with it.She may revisit you again and decide that YOU were just as precious to her in that 1 moment that 1 snippet of time and give you the gift of herself again and in turn be gifted of YOU again...

I grieve with you as someone who has walked this path and lived that pain.And I offer you strength to get through this with yourself and with your husband.Remember turn into him not away from him talk to him he doesn't have to understand your pain to try to help you heal it...

Blessed Be In Love&Light,
M.Gard

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your lost. I had a miscarriage some time ago and although it is not nearly the same, I too felt I was alone and grieving. The truth of the matter is that you have every right to feel the way that you do. No parent should ever have to lose their baby. I think it is the most difficult thing any parent can experience. Give your husband some credit also, although he did not carry the baby, I'm sure he too is grieving because this was his child also. You are not alone, although you may feel as though no one understands what you are feeling and going through, which you may be right because there is only one mom, I'm sure your family is more than willing to help you get through this. Go to them so that they can offer you their comfort. I don't think you will ever completely heal from this, but time will help you eventually. There is really nothing that anyone can say to make your pain go away, and although right now it may not seem this way, remember that God does things for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand or even agree with his reasons at the moment, but in the long run, God loves you and only wants the best for you and thus always makes the best decisions for you. I would suggest you see a therapist to help you cope better with your lost.
My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is very tough losing someone-try to talk to your husband and express your fears, sadness and grief. That's the only way you can deal with this. You are not wrong to feel depressed. It is normal. It is tough being a mother. Also, try to seek therapy, do some meditation, and most of all, PRAY! Prayers can heal a lot of wounds.

Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 4

Find a support group for parents who have lost a child. If you would like to speak with someone privately, look into womens groups in your area. Family counceling centers have connections so if they don't offer a certain class or support group, they generally know where you can go for help. I suggest asking your husband and friends to help you call or search the internet if you are not up to searching.

Answer 5

I am so sorry, this is a terrible loss. It is too early for you to continue, however I think it is of a great importance for you to see a therapist. The loss of child is a terrible tragedy, and you need all the help you can get. However only a qualified therapist can know if you need a supportive therapy or maybe some medications to help you cope.

Answer 6

Speak with Sybil about this delima. She'll definitely be able to relate to what your going through. Click on the link below.