we have been together for 11 years have 4 boys and im tired of the situation, i do everything by myself with the boys and around the house. He dosnt show me any love except for sex there is no kissing holding each other nothing. Im tired of this situation i keep going to him about it, telling to to change things, to marry me and start showing me affection, like on new years he sat at home and me and the boys went bowling.This is all the time, i have left him before and moved on, and found someone else, im very attractive, and when i started dating in the past he changed and wanted things to be right and they were, i love him so i went back and its the same thing again.Its been 2 years since the break up. I love him with all my heart but im lonely and i want to be married, i work he works there is no reason why we are not, the only thing he says is except the way things are and stop bitching or move on, im grown and i do what i want to do. i love him so much but im tired
2007-01-01 18:00:00 · 14 answers · asked by kista v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like it's time to do again what you did beofer - move out, start dating, and give someone else a chance to give you what you need. I'd be finished off myself too if I put up with that!.. I know the hardest part is giving up on the dreams, but you sound like you've done it before. And it's not to say you are cutting him off - if he again comes grovelling, it's time to show him it's PUT OUT or GET OUT!.. He needs to make a commitment that goes beyond sex, or he needs to be man enough to let a real man do it for you.
People may say marriage is just a piece of paper, and that you actually are married after so long, but I understand what you're saying - you want the whole thing; and why should you not have it?
I wish you well.
2007-01-01 18:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I'm sad to say your first mistake was moving in with him without being married. Your second mistake was having 4 kids without being married. But you already know this.
I think you already have your answer---"accept the way things are and stop bitching, or move on. I'm grown and I do what I want to do."
He is not going to change! He has proven that in the past. He doesn't love anyone but himself, and you deserve more than this. Leave and find someone who will respect you and treat you the way you should be treated! And next time, don't move in with anyone until you are married!
Take some time with your children and get your self-respect back. Don't jump into the dating scene right away. You need time to heal from this so-called relationship. Good luck.
2007-01-01 21:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can't understand what part of what he said that you don't understand. And you can't get mad & frustrated with him for telling you what he thinks and wants.
Yanla Vanzant (from starting over house show) once said "listen to what people DO". He does NOT want what you want. The worst thing that you can do is "Stay for the Kids".
The reason why he has not married you be now, is that he doesn't want to. And probably doesn't realise what a jewel he has in front of him. Let's face it, U R Caviar and he is Taco bell. They are NOT in the same league. Did you feel more appreciated when you were out of this experience? Even if that guy wasn't quite the right guy, you made a choice for yourself to get out and meet others.
AND OF COURSE YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS ALLREADY.
Be your own cheerleader. Your feelings are not wrong cause they come from you.
You wanna get married to a guy who is crazy about You. Not just because you should. If he isn't the one . . . You can't make him be the ONE. You guys don't think the same, don't want the same things.
That's Why You have been blessed to NOT get into something that is NOT all the way right.
What are you gonna do with this year??
2007-01-01 18:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by Babe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him how good is his credit and how long he been on his job and do he have a bank account because that what it going to take to marry and care for two people in this word or he just want have little kids sex that his way in - say get lost and finish school with out the headaches and a baby to young you got go yo the prom and have all that fun meet other people to much to skip
2016-05-23 05:22:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's an old saying: Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Something like that anyway. You should make him understand that you love him and want to be with him but only if you get married. If he doesn't want to then you should move on because he doesn't love you like you love him and therefore you deserve better.
2007-01-01 18:06:54 · answer #5 · answered by The Nana of Nana's 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you want to marry someone you have to talk into marrying you? Someone who only marries you to keep you from walking out again? The man you marry should marry you because he loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of his life.
I would definitely move on. Find a man who loves and respects you.
2007-01-01 19:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by Niki L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want to move on to that next step in your life and he isn't ready or refuses to do it then maybe you should move on.
You can and will find another love again.
It doesn't sound like he's too interested in spending quality time with you anyway, maybe you two aren't compatiable anymore.
2007-01-01 19:22:51 · answer #7 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It does not sound like he wants to change. I think getting married will not change him. If anything he will throw it in your face that you wanted to get married. I think its time to move on you have four sons to think about . Your still young don't waste any more time waiting on him its been eleven years sounds like he is happy with the way things are.
2007-01-01 18:59:47 · answer #8 · answered by Janst 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has a right to be who he is. You can't change him. But to expect anything to be different is ludicrous.
The question is, is he what you want? Or do you want him to be what you want? Cause you can't have the latter.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Marrying you won't change a thing. It is just a ceremony with paperwork to make official what you already have.
2007-01-01 18:21:15 · answer #9 · answered by Xxar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What makes you think that a marriage certificate is going to make any difference!!!!
You need to look after yourself before you look after anyone else. You sound like you have given him some chances before and he has changed and then gone back to his old ways.
He needs to want to change for himself not so that he wins you back etc.
A marriage certificate ISN'T going to make him change.
If it were me I would leave him but then I am a man and don't live in your shoes
2007-01-01 18:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by peter w 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋