I have two potential partners both equally ideal for marriage but in different ways. One has been my best friend for 13 years and has always been waiting around for me to reciprocated feelings for him and the other I only knew since a year he was a collegue working with me abroad and the relationship was intense and exceptional. I am hanging right now trying to decide which direction to pursue...
2007-01-01 17:03:34 · 39 answers · asked by tigress_taz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The choice of a life partner is a very important one, because marriage is for better or for worse, and we all sort of prefer the 'for better' part.
I would say that you know the best friend far better. You've probably seen him in far more settings and he's seen you through a few seasons of life. With the colleague you were not in a normal life situation, so the relationship could have been different if you had met him here. Intense relationships often burn out.
Consider that maybe neither of these men is the one for you.
What do you see as being important in a mate? These are some things to consider:
FInancial - does he spend or save? Is he in debt? Does he have a job where he can support himself well? Does he make what you consider to be foolish purchases? Does he give to charity? Does he spend large amounts of money pursuing his hobbies? Does he go from job to job? None of these things will change once you are married.
Character - do you trust him? Does he call or show up when he says he will? Does he come in and out of your life or is he consistent? Does he steal from his employer? Does he have a good relationship with his NORMAL family members? Is he kind? Is he crabby? Is he self-centered or others-centered? Does he repair things around his house when they are broken? None of these things will change once you are married.
Health - does he take care of himself? Does he have good personal hygiene? Ha, these things will go downhill once you are married.
Life Habits - do you agree with him on things like having children and how to properly rear them, how to spend money, if and where to attend church, etc?
2007-01-01 17:32:56 · answer #1 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds trivial but 'follow your heart'. My advice would be this, and by the way, I am NO DEAR ABBY. Relationships are HARD WORK. If you have had a person in your life for 13 years as a best friend then there is NOTHING he shouldn't already know about you and be willing to accept. While the other relationship may be new and intense how long til the newness wears off? Try and think into the future. Thirteen years from now will this guy still be here for me? Where will HIS life lead him? I had a pageant winner for a season. I WISH I would have listened to my heart!
2007-01-01 17:17:05 · answer #2 · answered by Smokey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
both could be great choices. I don't believe that just because you've known one for much longer, that makes him the better choice. From your question, I'm guessing you love both, so think about these things...Who could you depend on in any situation? Who is more understanding of your feelings? Which one is more sexually compatible - not that you've had sex with both or either, but to which one are you more attracted?, Which one puts you and your relationship first? Which one shares similar ideals (finances, children, religion, education, family, etc.)?
Whatever you do, take your time. There's no rush as this is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Give the 1yr guy a chance to prove himself and make a decision once you know them BOTH very well.
2007-01-01 17:25:23 · answer #3 · answered by Apple21 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you're ready to get married. Go out with whichever one you want to go out with, and take it from there. Or perhaps the answer is "neither", since you're having to ask the question. Does being single scare you?
I wonder why you are suddenly letting your old friend's feelings for you get in the way of deciding whether you want to start seeing this new guy? Presumably you haven't had this problem at any other point over the last thirteen years.
2007-01-01 18:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me you are not ready to marry. You are an eejeet to have allowed your best friend to hang around for so long. Many women would give their right arm if not an arm and a leg to have their best friend as their husband. You answered your own question in telling us the length of time the guy has been your best friend. He sounds like an exceptionately caring, good natured, loving, one woman, patient man and it's about time you reciprocated and married him. That work colleague .. my feeling is that you were handy and he seized the opporetunity.
2007-01-01 18:24:35 · answer #5 · answered by Christopher P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you seem to like the fact your friend has feelings for you but why now after all these years are you considering whether you should marry him? Do you fancy him? I think its important for there to be chemistry or it would feel like being intimate with a family member. The other guy you talk about sounds better, I think your just a bit frightened of risking it all. Your friend has become your safety net and thats not fair on him. Take care
2007-01-02 00:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by goobygum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with CHRISTOPHER P on this one-"potential partners?--equally ideal"?, what planet are you from?-you really are NOT ready to marry, full-stop. These guys are not cars in a car showroom, one with leather trim, one with vinyl--which will last longest--which do i choose for mileage--which one for wear and tear--hohum...decisions decisions! You are playing with peoples lives and futures here, not just feathering your own nest. If i was either of these guys-i would bin you straight away if i had any inkling that you were trying to choose between me and another-whatever your reasons. I really do not think you are ready for marriage-i seriously doubt that you are ready for any relationship to be honest. We all have choices and options in this world...but for someone to stand back and choose between "this pattern on a suit?-or that pattern on that suit-i really can't decide which i like best"-
2007-01-01 23:44:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with the friend you have known for 13 years...you have seen his true colors and after all this time he still wants to be with you. The guy you have only met for a year could be a totally different person later on...you can't know much about them in a years time!!
2007-01-01 17:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Which one makes you laugh? Makes you feel like you are the only girl in the world? Who needs who more? Him needing you? You needing him?Does either have any little things that absolutely drive you nuts? It gets worse as the years go by.Who has a lifestyle closer to you? Active or couch potato?There are thousands of reasons to pick a certain man over another. Money is good but not if you're not happy with the man providing it. Companionship is the best reason. Who do you get along best with and which one is willing to share your dreams, goals and encourage you to do your best?Do you like pets?
Does he? Children,do you share points of views? Good Luck!
2007-01-01 17:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
depends on what you want...is this intense and exceptional guy someone who you can tell everything like your best friend guy? You have to think, (since i saw the word marriage in there) that you want long term, and long term is about forever, right?! choose the man that you can be happy with all the time not just in the sack
2007-01-01 17:09:31 · answer #10 · answered by kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋