I have been with the same man for over 20 years. We have had our problems, but I had always felt they could be worked out. Throughout our marriage he has been distant, unemotional, and unsupportive emotionally. I stayed for I remembered the man he was when we were dating. I stay for I loved the man with all my heart and soul--hoping that one day he would open up, be supportive, and we could be more of a couple rather than business partners. I won't claim innocence for I had my own faults...I was busy with our children...and at times I was not always as understanding or supportive as I could have been but I did try. For I loved him, and did what I could to show him whereas he would tell me he love me but could not bring himself to even hug me most times. I understand some people are like this but he was not when we dated and we dated for 5 years. Anyways... after our second daughter was born...I was alone through the pregnancy for he acted like i was not pregnant and would not
2007-01-01 15:50:16 · 14 answers · asked by LostInTheCrowd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
near me...I went home to visit my mom. When I came back after 2 weeks I was cleaning adn in the basement he had hid porn magazines..our baby was 3 weeks old...he had not hugged me for 7 months..I went balistic..I cried..I sceamed..it hurt so bad..we couldn't have sex..I just had the baby..I asked him if he was going to look do not do it behind my back,..he promised... things between us did not change ..he was still distant -unemotinally responsive..we went out once a years together and even that ended in a fight.. I tried to leave him 7 years ago for when we had sex he couldn't even take his shirt off...or talk to me..or really anything with me..I decided I would try again and asked him if he was willing..he said yes. It didn't help I accidently go pregnant again only this tiem for the fourth he seemed into it and did not push me away...our baby was 6 months old when I found TONS of porn...on CD's home vids where he stashed it..I was angry and hurt.. I begged him to stop..he blamed
2007-01-01 15:56:26 · update #1
it was my fault..that all I was was a B.. I lost it..really lost it..I sank in deep depression trying to get him to stop..the porn...no matter what I did I failed time and time agaiin and he let me know how it was my fault...for three years...I barely functioned --I honestly don't know why I am not dead..and he watched..even when I went for help.. I tried talking to him about it and he told me he would tell them how it is... recently...after a hospitalization.. I finally healed...and now ANGRY..VERY ANGRY...
2007-01-01 15:59:33 · update #2
I asked him for a separation..he won't even talk about it..or anything..like I said nothing. If I want to leave I have to take the kids and I across states so I have a place to live..and support..but it also comes at a price. The military supports him..LOL I am still in the same house with him and everytime I see him want to slap him silly..I don;t but I know its time for me to leave..through the depression I was to depressed to know whether I loved him yet or not..and I guess my answer is NOT...for I am as close to hating someone as I can...I think for the right woman he would be a great guy..but I am NOT his gal....
2007-01-01 16:02:41 · update #3
I have been alone for so long..I am not even sure if I can communicate on a personal level anymore...I feel so empty..I guess there is things as emotional neglect? People keep telling me after I leave I need to be alone...I have been alone for sooo long...btu honestly I will probably be alone the rest of my life...I can love and trust...but there are too many people out there playing all sorts of games and I am too blind to see them.. I never want to feel this hurt again or be worth this little to anyone..and when I love someone..I will hang on till the end..and not give up..but for this the end is here,,and I am the one leaving- he says he's happy..LOL Ya I bet..who wouldn't be with someone to cook, clean, basically a live in made..and no emotional responsibility...
2007-01-01 16:09:30 · update #4
by now I am so emotionally drained I feel like I could be hugged forever... I am a strong person but dang...I am tired...than of all things I have to live with my mom..LOL She acts like she owns me...too..so out of one fire into another...
2007-01-01 16:12:57 · update #5
Oh forgot to mention with all these kids I am a stay at hoe mm..no income and until I can file and the court says he needs to pay something..I will get nothing..
2007-01-01 16:14:58 · update #6
sorry suppose to be stay at home mom...LOL I just started online college courses...over the last year..
2007-01-01 16:18:54 · update #7
OH been to counseling..LOL suggested long ago I leave...not there now..no$
2007-01-01 16:37:55 · update #8
nothing worse then a loveless marriage (for you were the only loveing one in that relationship). its better it ends. anger is normal and that is what counselors are for. they help a lot. they want to help too, which makes a HUGE difference.
it will take time, but you will be a happy woman after time... its just going to be strange (a whole new life) to see that you will discover the person you lost long ago.
stick with the online courses (no matter what) and get some counseling. you deserve better then that man anyway.
2007-01-01 18:35:40 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anger is definitely normal when two are seperating. If I invested all my time, love, and effort into a relationship/marriage, and it was all for nothing. I would be pissed the &*$# off. I wouldn't want my partner to be with me for the kids. I would want my partner to be with me b/c he loved me and couldn't stand being away from me. I don't think its fair that when a person feels a certain way about another, he/she must take someone elses feelings into consideration.
I think that people can't help the way they feel. Here in yahoo answers, there are tons of women and men that say they don't know what to do they are with their partners for the kids or b/c they feel bad for their partner. As much as it would hurt you or anyone to see your partner of 20 years + walk out of your life, wouldn't you rather him leave honestly telling you that he doesn't feel the same about you or just flat out cheat on you until you leave. As hard as it is for one to go through that, I wouldn't be with someone if I felt they felt they really had no other choice or it was out of pity or force. Be with me b/c you love me not b/c you feel bad for me.
Go out and find someone who will treat you great. Your husband seems like a big ***. Porn is porn and it might get you upset. But wouldn't you have rathered porn then the real thing. I know I was never with someone as long as you so I can't really tell you what I would do if I was you, but one thing I do know is that know that you have identified his flaws, you should take them and run. Find someone who will make you happier than ever. It didn't seem like he really did.
2007-01-01 15:59:51 · answer #2 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
II can relate to your situation I was always having to try and compete with porn..it was a losing battle. My husband was just like your he was unwilling unemotional, and very distant, never taking me out nor spending time with me......I think maybe he has someone else or doesnt love you. I would be very common to be angry in this situation given that you gave him your all, had his children and took care of things....Move on you dont need him....Actually to tell you the truth you story has inspired me because me and my husband have the exact same problems but i was always hoping he would change and when i saw you "20 years" i was oh heck no im not going to go through this for 2o years....so anyways thanks and God bless..
2007-01-01 16:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by Amazon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say yes, anger is normal in a separation or divorce.
In psychology, there are several emotions one goes through with loss. Something like the Kubler-Ross grief cycle, or the 5 stages of loss. Anger is one of those emotions- although, I believe, there is no set pattern in which one experiences these emotions.
Check out this link:
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm
Loss of a relationship (marriage) is sometimes as painful as losing someone in death.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
2007-01-01 15:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I treated my husband like crap. I pushed him away and rejected him. I do feel bad, he separated from me and now wants a divorce. I'm now changing my ways, and it may be too late. Maybe separation will knock some sense into him. I've started counseling, my hubby refuses. If you can't get him to go, go for yourself. It will really help. I found a faith based counselor and it is so much more helpful. If ya need to vent or just need someone to talk to, IM me or email me @ SillieKimi@cs.com. Take care of yourself and your little ones!
2007-01-01 16:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of issues to deal with and yahoo answers isn't the place to go. Get yourself some counseling and file for divorce and get on with your life. I was married 17 years and I divorced for somewhat the same reasons and now I have never been happier. It takes to get to the point of contentment and then comes happiness. Good Luck to you and Happy New Year!
2007-01-01 15:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by Maggie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah.....anger is huge.
You need some counseling. Some of the huts last forever if you don't work on it. Afterall the two of you loved eath other and promimsed to be together forever. It hurts when our expectations arn't met. It hurts big time
2007-01-01 16:08:06 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
anger is normal, but wait awhile until the anger has diminished before deciding for sure. maybe communication is all that is needed. sometimes we keep silent thinking that speaking out won't do any good anyway. if u still love him, than maybe there is another option here u haven't thought of.
2007-01-02 00:42:04 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes..anger is very normal in a situation like this....I hate to tell you this but yahoo is not the place to get help for you......you need some serious counseling and you need to find out what support systems are out there for you...best of luck.....
2007-01-01 16:29:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to be angry in your situation. How you handle that anger makes the difference.
2007-01-01 16:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by kakolikapiha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋