I was emotionally abusive throught out our realtionship, I drank and was a jealous and insecure person that lived in fear of losing my girlfriend to someone else. I was controlling and possesive. I have since quit drinking (2mths) and am seeking counselling for both my alcholism and another counsellor for my mental health, she wanted to marry me up until we decided to break up because I wanted to go on living like I was 21 not 33 and she wanted marriage and kids. After we broke up She realized that I was abusive. I realized what I had and how much I did not like myself and what I really wanted was right in front of me the whole time. Now I am trying to make mysef a better person and at the same time hoping she will forgive me for my past abusive behaviour and take me back with the love and intamacy she once showed me. Is this possible? From what I have read on the net there is little or no hope for me that I can change. I belive I can and I will if not for her then for myself.
2007-01-01 15:42:53 · 13 answers · asked by scottmck123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First continue getting help - you need it!!! don't expect her to take you back arms open - you need to develop trust that you will not do this again - after all the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. IF she does decide to take you back some form of domestic violence counselling when she is also involved would be VERY helpful. She needs to understand your triggers so that if you became abusive again she can have a safety plan in place. it does seem that you have a strong commitment to change so good luck to you.
2007-01-01 15:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by scotty2canuck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on quiting drinking. That was the first step. I do believe that it is possible for her to take you back. But u cannot display any of that old jealous behavior. She has already laid ot her cards on the table and has tolerated so much. If there is still love there from the both of you and she has shown you she wants something with you then couples therapy could benefit you both. It will help you guys to get a fresh start at a new relationship. She needs to know you are a new guy and it's not an act. If it seems like she has moved on then continue with you sobriety and counseling so you better yourself. That way when love is there again you will know it. Good luck
2007-01-01 18:01:20 · answer #2 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Little or no hope for you?? What site are you reading from?? You have already taken the first step, you are making yourself a better person. The only mistake you're making,is that you're seeking counseling for HER. You need to seek counselling for YOU. You have to put #1 first, and guess who that is???? YOU!! The added benefit of improving yourself, is that your gf may take you back. If you make yourself a better person, and she still doesn't want you, then she has some issues of her own and you need to move on to someone else who sees you for what you are
2007-01-01 15:55:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! You are making great steps already. Have you told her any of this?
Could be that it's not quite the right time for her to come bace into your life right now or anyone new. Cause you wanna be sure that the part of you that might be provoked is gone and for good. Wouldn't want that to sneak in on yah just while you have har attention on having her back. Like you said, you want this for her and for yourself.
Tell her that YOU ARE SORRY and tell her why! Then don't do that ever ever again. Very important.
2007-01-01 19:05:59 · answer #4 · answered by Babe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for taking these steps. Most people never realize that they are emotionally abusive. There is always hope. Get yourself together first and then approach her. You can change and you will! Just stay on top of it and make the commitment to yourself. Best of luck and I hope that this new year will bring better things for you.
2007-01-01 16:29:26 · answer #5 · answered by NoTurningBackNow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have seek pforessional help, believe you'll gain your security and confidence back in you.
As for your gf, its hard to say as she might have moved on already. Meanwhile, you can prove to yourself and her that you are a changed person. Its not easy to win back the relationship if she has moved on, loving someone else already. But if she has left you for these reasons and yet she's still single, maybe there is still hope.
First of all, you must be healed before going back for her. If not, you'll hurt her morst and that's unforgiveable.
I once fell in love with a man with a character like yours, an emotionally endangered species. Whenever he felt angry with himself or loss of confidence and security, he'd condemn everything and walk away from me causing me in a dilemma. Slowly in time, he opened up and I helped him rebuilt his confidence and security. And we are still together...
2007-01-01 16:01:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats for taking those steps to self-improvement. She has a history of dealing with you that has been unpleasant for her. Words will mean little - actions will mean much more. You need to change from the inside out and to have a track record to prove it. Don't expect miracles, but if you want a better life for yourself, you can do it if you want it bad enough. You can manage your issues and move on to a productive life. It's up to her whether or not she wants to hang around.
2007-01-01 15:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do no longer tell somebody they seem to be a foul be sure except you want to end issues. You knew that when you made the call. do no longer enable good ideas show you how to ignore. stay faraway from this *******. do no longer touch him back. whenever you experience like it, get on Craigslist personals and placed up an advert requesting a date for a particular interest ... "24 SWF finding for SWM action picture date for 12/24 - DUTCH". (you will probable get promises for human beings to pay your way besides, yet you will no longer likely get one-night stand promises. Worst case situation, you will on no account be out $35.) you comprehend you're actually not a loopy person. you're somebody that have been given bored along with his bs and referred to as him on it, and now which you have, he needs no longer something to do with dealing with his movements. think of. a common, healthful person might have apologized and not blown it off like it became no longer something. You owe it to your self to place in writing his opinion off because of the fact the rantings of a narcissist, and circulate directly to somebody able to giving some thing back. you comprehend this already, so placed it in action, honey. good success.
2016-11-25 21:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There IS hope and you CAN change especially if you are willing which is sounds like you are. I do hope she forgives you & anything is possible...you're doing the right thing anyways...I wish you much future happiness and success in your relationships.
2007-01-01 15:51:12 · answer #9 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
change first, than think about taking her back. if she is already gone, than let it be. tell her your plan and stop bother her, if she meant yours, she will be there when you are a different person. as you said do it for yourself. I believe people can change
2007-01-01 15:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by Discovery 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋