Always a cheater?

Question

I cheated on my husband this past summer. Our relationship has been anything but perfect but we have children and for them I've stayed in the marriage. I ended the relationship after a month and told my husband. Whom which admitted he knew about it. I figure I can be honest here. No one knows me! But I think about doing about. I'm not, I'm trying to work on my marriage but its still in my head. Any suggestions? We are seaking professional counseling.

Answer 1

Sounds like there's something you just really don't like about your marriage. The counseling part is a great start, they'll help you figure out what it is that's making you want something else. Be sure your counseling includes one-on-one time with just you and your therapist so that you can ask about this. Is your husband not sexually satisfying? Is the relationship just not exciting anymore? I think about how exciting it is when you first meet someone and find you have an attraction and I think that would be a tremendous draw to having extra-marital affairs. Think about the things you like/don't like about your husband... is it something you look for in others? Good luck to you.

Answer 2

From my experience, always a cheater. Marriages will always have times that are challenging, and if you've already given in this early, you will not survive the coming sorrows...and there will be more sorrows and bad times...guaranteed. If you truly love, cheating is not an option. You both would try to work through them together, instead of running off somewhere else. You've already broken your promise once. You will break it again when your marriage becomes troubled again. And how can you expect your husband to ever trust you again?
Why did you marry if you chose not to be exclusive with him? Why not just stay single?
Leave now, before things get really bad. For the sake of your kids.

Answer 3

I think that a lot of woman feel like this at one point in time. However, I think that you need to pinpoint what it is exactly that makes you want to cheat. You might want your marriage to work but if something is bothering you (like he's gained a lot of weight, he's not hitting the right spots when you do it, etc.) then you need to tell him so that he can fix whatever it is.

He might have gone easy on you the first time you cheated but what if the next time around he leaves you for good. Another thing that I don't understand is why you are with someone you don't want to be with? No matter what he does you will always feel the same.

So you need to realize what it is that you want. Because I think you are hurting him more by staying with him just for the kids. If you're not in love, you're not in love. I understand the part about your kids, but how would you like it if that was the reason he was with you? How would you feel? I know that I wouldn't want my partner to be with me b/c he has no other choice. I want my partner to be with me b/c he loves me and can't live without me.

So just figure out what you want b/c in the long run you will end up hurting your husband and the kids will be very angry with you.

Answer 4

Always a cheater is not 100%, but more like 99+%. You have to want to change yourself. I wouldn't honestly stay with you, but he may and also you may find out later that he will eventually leave.
You still have the attitude of a cheater, by saying that 'you decided to stay in the marriage' when you the one who was wrong. Of course your relationship is not perfect, you cheat. YOu seem to be playing the victim when you should be concerned about how he feels. At this point, it doesn't matter how bad you feel because you did it to yourself. In order to change, you're going to have to start changing your thinking and counseling will probably help.

Answer 5

If you were to have gotten drunk and had sex with some guy, I would say that you could recover. When you have a sober, premeditated, month long relationship outside of your marriage, you're looking for something. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that something that you need is missing. Leave your husband for his sake. If my wife did this to me I would leave her so that she could find what she needs. If he really loves you he would want you to be happy more that anything. Although if he loves you like that, its your loss. Basically it sounds to me like you don't have the right marriage because I couldn't even dream of doing that to my wife. Not only would the guilt probably kill me, but I wouldn't be interested in the first place.

Answer 6

You have already done the best thing that you can. Very proud of you for being so honest with your husband. What you did will always be with you but, over a long period of time and when you forgive yourself, you will forget about it. Being honest is the best medicine for anything. Atleast your husband loves you enough to try to work it out with you. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes things like this can make things so much better. We all have to learn from our mistakes. It's what makes us all better people. You know you did wrong but, get over it and be proud of yourself for being so honest. That shows that you really are a good person inside. You probably did what you did because your husband wasn't being the best to you. So maybe now he will correct what you were not happy with. These things always happen for a reason so, make the best of it.

Answer 7

I really hope once a cheater always a cheater isn't the case for you or in relationships closer to home for me. Besides for the counseling and the self control; I would say pray about it as much as you can. It is really great if your husband can forgive you also and not dwell on it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Ultimately it comes down to a choice. What I mean by that, is there are always temptations and it's up to you to deal with them and be adult enough to keep a commitment to your spouse.

Counseling will help clarify the issues you both need to work on. If you find that he simply isn't a good match for you - then you can move on. I would not recommend committing to another marriage until you are 100% positive you can be truthful the next time around.

Answer 9

Getting counseling is a great idea. Children now-a-days need fathers in their lives. But if the two of you won't be happy together, especially after what you pulled, its best to be realistic and split.

Answer 10

Do counseling, individual and marriage. If u love him, fix it. If not find a way to make it work for the kids. they r number one, no matter what.