Still in love with husband??

Question

My question is what do you do if you aren't in love with your husband anymore?? My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have two small children together. I know that I love him, but I often find myself wondering if there is any way I could make it without him.(supporting my two kids alone..) I feel so dependent on him, because I have not yet finished college and he is basically my first love. In a way I feel like I have to stay with him, because I don't want to break up my family. I am wondering if these feelings are normal or if I really need to do something about the way I feel??

Answer 1

Love is not about feelings. It's a decision. When you married your husband, you made a vow to stick to him for better or worse. If you're "feeling" this way, seek professional marital counseling. The feelings you're having are likely to be fly-by-night. Things will be better and things can go bad but for the most part, it's like the weather: it rains from time to time, but the sun will always shine. The feelings you're having are normal, but they can be resolved. Don't risk ending your marriage on something that's always constant: your feelings!

Answer 2

Well I ran across your question while searching for answer to my problem. I searched for "what is passion". I also am young...mid twenties...married 4 years and have 3 kids. Lately I feel overwhelmed. I wonder what happened? How I got here? Everything in my life looks great I should be happy. This is what I thought I wanted. I still feel like I am missing something. I want more and i am not really sure what. Maybe it is me I want. I no longer have my own identity. I have had those same thoughts. What if I left? I dont want to screw my husband over. I do love him. Maybe school. Do something for me. Then if I did leave someday...but that is just wrong! I could pay him back though.

Ok well that is some of what I have thought. Reading your post and some people's comments I think it is normal to feel these things. I am surrounded, but sometimes feel so alone. Just in the last few minutes I have talked to husband and he feels things missing too. Just saying a few things to each other about how we "really" feel. Makes feel just a little bit better. I do not know how to fix this. I do not know if you can. But people can grow. I think they can do it together or apart. Preferably I would like to stay with my husband. I want him to be the one I love and feel passionate about.

I hope something in this has helped you. It helped me to see I wasn't the only one. Try telling him what you feel. Ask him how he feels. Chance are he isnt thinking everything is perfect either. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Wouldn't it be nice if relationships didn't change from what they were in the first few months of that "new love?" Unfortunately they do, but they can change for the good if you help develop them. It's easy to let your marriage take a back seat to kids, school, work, etc.....and feelings do change. It's so easy to get comfortable with your partner that you don't even consider them as being the passionate, exciting, funloving person you fell in love with. I'd try to work it out, your marriage is young by "normal" standards. If he's a good man, treats you right, is a good father...etc....why leave a good thing? You say you're not in love with him anymore....most married couples who've been together for a long time feel that way, the newness wore off long ago, the marriage changes. It's staying committed and finding new things together to keep a fire burning, even an ember, that will make you want to be with them always.

Answer 4

I don't answer a ton of these, but you seem a tad lost, so some insight from a total stranger might be helpful.....


Normal feelings -- like the question several above yours --- some kid thinks she wants to get married at 16... You didn't say how old you are but probably in your late 20's..... 2 kids in 5 years, and you're rather asking, "What the hell happened????" and of course, you're right, what the hell did happen....????!!!!!!! You got married, financially dependent upon another, and wonder what you missed, and what was it that you even felt for him.

He's still the same guy, trying to support a wife and a family. If your bond is weakening, re-set it.... Great book by this nation's leading therapist, "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach--- get it cheap in paperback on Amazon.com -- lots of way to reconnect with your husband, date night, how to get the kids out of your evening for awhile, and little things you each can do to remind you of your commitment to each other, and to your children. 50% of all marriages fail in the United State.... Get this book, and maybe a few sessions in counseling --- cheap insurance for your marriage....

And when your children are a bit older, go back and finish that degree --- you'll have more money for the two of you to spend, and something for you to strive for personally....

good luck, hon

Answer 5

I married my first husband after meeting him in grade school and then dating him throughout high school. We married when I became pregnant with our oldest child. We have three children together. And were married for 15 years. It is possible to love someone but then fall out of love with them.

My parents were married for almost 26 years before my Dad left for another woman. I will tell you that no matter what the age of the children the separation and divorce is hard on them no matter how old they are. Don't use the excuse that you need to stay in the marriage for them. It will be far easier on them if they are young enough not to realize the full scale of what is happening. But the older they get, if you aren't happy and he isn't happy then they aren't going to be either no matter how hard you try.

But I am in no way saying you should leave unless you decide that is what you want and is best for you. Have you talked to him about some marriage counseling to see if that helps and if there is something lacking?

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

First of all, you should know that the "in love" feeling is just that: a feeling. It's not love. True love means commitment. The feeling comes and goes. That being said, I did divorce my first husband when I was in college. He was my first love and we also had two small children (ironically, we were also married for 5 yrs). My problem was, I wanted to educate myself and to create a better life. He was content where he was. We drifted apart. Then other things happened: He became violent, angry, etc. The point is, you will change A LOT in college. You have to ask: can you see yourself with him in 10 yrs...if so, are you happy? Good luck. IF you decide to leave, being a single mom in college is tough but I did it and so can you!

Answer 7

Marriage is never easy, plus with kids it's even more complicated. You may be under a lot of pressure trying to finish school and juggle your life at home with your husband and kids. There may be times that you think about the "what ifs" but just make sure you think long and hard before making a rash decision.

It's normal to have those thoughts but I would just really think about the consequences if you ever act on them, it would affect not only you, but your children.

Answer 8

Whether your feelings are normal or not it is important that you finish college and get a degree so that if you decide to leave your husband in the future you will have something to fall back on to support yourself and your kids. Preparation makes all the difference. And who knows, you might feel better about yourself and make the best of your marriage. Divorce is hard on everyone as I am sure you are aware of.

Answer 9

I stayed in a loveless marriage for 6 years too long because I didn't feel I could survive without him. I knew I was no longer in love with him. I always assumed I was the only one feeling this way. Came to find out, he was miserable too. Most likely if your feeling like the love is gone, he feels that way too. If you seriously want to keep this relationship going, try everything you can to save it before it's too late. Counseling would be good for both of you. Good luck!

Answer 10

Marriage and kids can really take a toll on you. Its easy to imagine you out on your own doing what you want with nobody to complain or criticize you and nobody to have to be accountable to. But remember the grass always looks greener on the other side. If you were out there by yourself and your kids you would be soon looking for another relationship because you would be tired of being alone and lonely and you would have the full burden of your kids. It is a normal feeling to want to get out from under your responsibilities, but don't fall into this trap. There are plenty of single mothers out there if they are honest would tell u it is no fun.