My husband and have just discovered he is bi-curious after 8 years together he has tried to keep the gay porn sites, fantasies, and his sex toys hid. Now I found out he likes to put on my undergarments. And yes this has us both frustrated and hurt right now. He wants me to wear a strap on to bed with him or let him wear his drag when we have sex and I just can't imagene doing either. I try to be open minded but the thought just really turns me off. I support him right now because I know his got to be so confussed and I know that he's still turned by women but I just can't help him with these things in the bedroom I can be here for support and as a loving wife to talk to but I can't do those things in bed with him when I'm hurting so much.
2007-01-01 14:56:10 · 20 answers · asked by queenkeikei_2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry. I would be more worried about AIDS and STD's time to move on to a safer arrangement. If he hasn't already, he will act on his feelings and will not tell you unless you get sick. Then it is too late. Odds are it is already to late. Go talk to your doctor yesterday and listen to him.
2007-01-01 15:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by foreverquilting2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. I applaud you for trying to be supportive and agree you shouldn't do anything in the bedroom that you are not comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with trying new things and being a little kinky .......... but if it's not for you ....... it's not for you !!!!!! And right now, it definately sounds like it's not for you, at least not for the time being.
To me, the first issue though is for your husband to figure out. He needs to decide where he really is and what he really wants and then he needs to be honest with you about it. My guess is that he needs professional help sorting through that and if I was you, I would encourage him (in a loving way) to seek that. Once he knows what he wants, then the two of you can work on how you are going to deal with it as a couple .......... or not !!!! I would worry that if he is really bi or gay, he may be happy with a strap-on and your undergarments for awhile .......... but then long term he will want more. Sex can be a very powerful thing, it shouldn't dictate how we live our lives, but it often does. He really needs to decide what he really wants. Be careful about not working all the way through this right now .......... you don't want to invest years of working on it only to find out that there is no solution. That doesn't mean give up either !!!
Don't be afraid of this part of him. If you love him and the marriage is otherwise good ........... and if he is honest with you ............. it can work .......... if you want it to. Good luck !!!
2007-01-02 17:35:12 · answer #2 · answered by mikeallen555555 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you are hurt and confused right now. It would be so beneficial for the two of you seek professional help so you can find your way through this.
You don't have to do anything in the bedroom right now. Give yourself some time to understand this and find direction in this situation.
Above all else if you do have sex with him use protection, because you never know what has happened or may happen on down the line. Take care of yourself. My best to both of you.
2007-01-01 23:06:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep on doing what you're doing.You're being a wonderful wife and you're doing what you vowed to do when you two got married(Sticking with him through everything), BUT if you're just not comfortable honey you're just not comfortable.You cant make yourself do something you dont want to do because it isnt going to work. Its nice that you're trying to make him happy but in the long run you're going to end up not happy! And the ending isnt going to be happy ever after.You're not being selfish....You're doing enough by sticking around and UNDERSTANDING him.If he cant do something simple enough by understanding you dont want to do it, then his problem is more then bi-curiosity. I say give it some time, see what he wants to do IF YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY AND MAKE THIS WORK.He is confused and needs time to figure out what it is he truly wants.Even us women go through things that are life changing decisions and we need to figure out what he want or what is best. Talk to him, be supportive and do all that you can.That way if it dosent end so great, you know you did all you could do.BUT stay positive. I wish you the best of luck sweety.
2007-01-01 23:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Loving My Babyboy ;) ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if it turns you off and it turns him on you may need to get some preofessional help or just get divorced. He likes men!! He wants a man inside of him that you should not have to put up with he is the one being selfish not you.
2007-01-02 01:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage or relationship counseling may help. Can provide a safe forum for discussion of the situation, current feelings, plus the all important -- how you were brought up and imprinting....
And sure, you may be disturbed by the recent disclosure; but think how he's been quiet all this time...
2007-01-01 23:04:53 · answer #6 · answered by Irene G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Man that is some weird stuff and you have got to be so hurt after all these years to find the man you love is not who you thought he was.
I do not see any thing but a divorce sorry.
2007-01-01 23:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by picture 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Geez he is being completely unreasonable.
"Hey honey - I want to drop a 500 pound safe on you by telling you I am bi - now will you strap on this dildo and bang me in
the a s s while I wear your panties?"
Listen you should save yourself some grief - "metro", "bi" - whatever - guys either enjoy someone else's balls across their nose, or they don't. He won't be giving up his diet of man-sauce any time soon.
Give him his walking papers.
2007-01-01 23:13:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldnt accept him knowing he's a BI. Not that they are aliens but its just that I am not one, thus unable to understand them well.
Since its hurting you so much, do tell him. If he loves you still, he'll understand. As you understand so much for him already and accepting the fact he's a bi and confused, he'll do the same for you...
:)
2007-01-01 23:01:58 · answer #9 · answered by Mary 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two fit the bill for a Jerry Springer show!
2007-01-01 23:39:51 · answer #10 · answered by shannon d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋