The father is the domiciliary parent. They have allowed my kids to call the stepmother mom. I would have never done this to the father, nor would I do it now. The stepmother has taught my kids that they have two moms. She has told them that they will not call her a stepmother. My children have been torn apart by this. I do acknowledge that my kids love both of us and I did not want to cause my kids any further damage. But, if she considers herself a good stepmom, then why has she taught them the biggest lie of all? This is hard on my kids because it has put them in the situation of being torn between us.
She has no biological children of her own. She has my children's love, isn't that enough?
2007-01-01 14:27:37 · 30 answers · asked by Lisa007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, the only mom a child (I am not referring to adopted kids here) will ever have is the one who gave birth to them. No matter who tries to change or convince anyone otherwise, there is only one name in the mother spot on the birth certificate.
How cruel of her to confuse your children in this way when you are an active mother. I have never heard of a situation where the stepmother is called mom when the real mom is still in the picture. All step-moms I know of are called by their first name, or in one case, and affectionate "step", but never "mom" or "mother" as long as their real mom is still alive. How does your ex-husband feel about this? Or, is he the culprit in this to try to hurt you?
If I were in your situation, I would always refer to the stepmom by her first name, and as your children grow they will do the same. You can rest easy that your influence on them will always be greater than the step mom's and eventually, your children will call her by her first name because they will know what is appropriate and what is not because you taught them.
2007-01-01 15:18:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so not fair to the kids. NO ONE can replace the real mom. They don't have to call her Stepmom. They can call her by her name for God's sake.
I WAS a stepmom. I would NEVER try to manipulate the kids to try to make my position more secure. They can love her and call her by her name. If I was the kids, I would not really be comfortable calling another lady MOM, and if I were you, I'd do like the mother of my ex's kids did and put your foot down and handle the kids' confusion since they are too little to have to deal with adult's bull s***.
2007-01-01 14:35:26 · answer #2 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd never make a child call their step parent mom or dad unless they decide to do this on their own. You said they have allowed them to call her mom, not made them call her this. But then you turned around and said she told them they have two mom's and not to call her step mom. Maybe when she told them they had two mom's because she just wanted them to know she loved them like they were her own children.
2007-01-01 14:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the kids should call her by her name.you are the mom,and your ex should let it go at that.step-mothers try to fit into a mother routine and play mommy dearest.it's sick and wrong.
tell her if she wants to be called mom go have some children of her own.it;s hard for children to be children when ex's are playing with there little minds.we as real mom's need to stand up to our ex's and show them if they want another women,don't pressure the children in doing something they know is wrong.
i don't think your ex would appreciate it if you married and your child calling him daddy.wrong is wrong
2007-01-01 14:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by hl 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are their MOM. I feel she is doing this to gratify herself and hurt you and I find it sad and obnoxious. Your children are under no obligation to call her "mom." Perhaps you should bring this to your lawyer's attention and see about some counseling sessions. I have a feeling this woman will not give in easily. All in all, her efforts will wear thin on the children and they will see her for what she really is, a coniviing woman who refuses to recognize you are the "Mom." Don't ever think your children will stop loving you though!If I had step-children I would not even let them call me mom if they had a loving mom in the picture already. I would be (my first name) or Auntie something - but never "Mom," since I feel that goes to their mom that is already in their lives.
2007-01-01 16:12:41 · answer #5 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mom and a step mom, I see nothing wrong with the children choosing to call her mom, unless of course they are forcing the children to do so.
My two kids from my previous marriage have been calling my husband, their step dad "Daddy" since they were little. My husband or I never suggested they do this.
My stepson started calling me Mom after about 5 years, on his own. We have a very close relationship. He lives with us full time now and tells me I am more of a mother than his own mother has ever been to him.
There is more to being a parent than being a biological parent.
It sounds like you are a bit insecure about the love these children may feel for the step mom . You shouldn't be. And in this crazy world we live in, kids can never have too many people loving them and involved in their lives.
2007-01-01 15:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
No step parent should EVER teach someone else's kids to call them mom or dad. My parents are divorced and I had a choice when I was little. I could have called my step dad "dad" or his name. My siblings and I choose to call him by his name but he didn't press it.
2007-01-01 14:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree, she should not have ever taught them to call her mom. She needs to accept the fact that she is there step mom and you are there mom. While it is true that they have 2 moms, since she obviously lives with them, they need to be able to see the difference between the two moms. They need to understand that while they have another person to love them, you are there mom and she is a step mom.
2007-01-01 14:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're worrying an awful lot about a name. A mom is someone who loves and raises a child. If your ex has custody, then frankly, she is raising your kids more than you are. She's right, the kids do have two moms. But for the kids to call her Mom doesn't take anything away from you. It sounds like you're just afraid you're losing your kids entirely.
I called my best friend's mother Mom for many years (and still do) because I spent nearly as much time with her as with my own mother. That didn't mean I loved my mother any less.
Relax. Honestly, the kids are upset about it because you are upset about it, so let it go.
2007-01-01 14:36:30 · answer #9 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
When my mom married my step-dad many years ago, we had the option of what to call him. We called him daddy. Our biological father didn't take to kindly at it at first, but eventually he got over it. He's even said that our step dad was a good father (he passed away a few years ago). Like I said, tho, at first, he was mad at us calling someone else daddy.
Are you the one telling your kids they shouldn't call her mom? If so, then YOU are the one tearing them apart. They are kids. They know who their mom is.
The kids do have two moms. You just have a problem dealing with it, just like my dad did.
Quit making a fuss over it, or it will get worse for the kids. And you love them too much to do hurt them, don't ya?
2007-01-01 14:35:31 · answer #10 · answered by unclewill67 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋